Underneath my yellow skin

WWDTAOL: But faaaaaaaaaamily!

Today in What We Don’t Talk About Out Loud, family edition. I know I said I would write more about women and the patriarchy, but that’s not what I want to write about at the moment. I may get back to it at some point, but we’ll see. This post is about praying at the altar of faaaaaaamily and how we’re supposed to revere it above all else (while also not doing anything to support it). Fortunately, in the last several years, there have been more people speaking out as to the problem with this mentality, but it still seems to be the default. There is something the matter with YOU if you are estranged from your family or low contact. There are several reasons for this so let’s dive in.

The first is the same as in my post about women and the patriarchy–holding up the status quo. For people who are invested in doing what they’re supposed to do, it can be a kick in the posterior to have others not doing the same thing. It reminds me of an old letter on Dear Prudence (they run old letters on Sundays). The letter was from someone who had spent the past several years (from when the letter was written) taking care of their deteriorating and abusive mother. The Letter Writer (LW) mentioned that their brother had cut off the family once he turned 18 due to the abuse he suffered at their mother’s hands. The crux of the matter was that the mother had come into a large amount of money. The LW was seething that her brother would inherit a portion of it despite walking away. The LW wanted to know if they could somehow get their mother and other relatives to cut the brother out of their wills because he hadn’t “manned up” and taken care of the mother in her late years. The LW glossed over the abuse, barely acknowledging it existed in their rage against their brother not doing the right thing (according to them).

This was Emily Yoffe and I hesitated to read her response because she was all over the map when it came to her answers. She had a stubborn streak of misogyny especially against sexual harassment victims. In this case, she was spot on. She rightly took the LW to task for being pissed at their brother for doing what he needed to live his best life. She astutely intuited that perhaps the LW was mad because they had made a different (and not healthy) choice to stay in contact with their abusive mother. This is the point I wanted to make. The LW held up the status quo because it’s what expected in our society. They did what they thought was their duty and was resentful because their brother didn’t do the same thing. In other words, misery loves company. I understand why the LW felt bitter about it, but she was directing her ire at the wrong person.

It reminds me of a metaphor I heard of relating to this topic. A dysfunctional family system is like a leaky boat that is rapidly taking on water. Or rather, the abusive person is the leak in that boat. Everyone on board is frantically bailing out water with equally-leaky buckets, trying to keep the boat afloat. At some point, one of the bailers realizes it’s futile and jumps overboard. They manage to swim ashore at great detriment to themselves. Everyone left on board, instead of being impressed and perhaps inspired that someone made it out alive, they become enraged at that person for escaping the situation. Why? First, because it leaves the ones behind with more water (abuse) to bail out (deal with). Second, because it busts the illusion that there’s nothing to be done but bail out the water (put up with the abuse). It can make the left behind people feel like they’ve wasted their lives up to that point. Third, and this is where the analogy falls apart, it’s difficult to be angry at the abuser because you know the abuser is not going to change. It kinda fits. The boat isn’t going to fix itself in the analogy.

This is the dirty secret as to why enablers push the abused person to put up with the abuse–they are the reasonable party involved. The abuser is often irrational and unlikely to change. What’s more, they are often deeply unpleasant when confronted and make life hell for whoever stands up to them. The abused person, on the other hand, is often trained to be more compliant and is generally better about regulating their emotions. This is a very broad generalization, but it holds true more often than not. I see it in the advice columns time and time again. The letter writer writes in about a horrific family situation and they do the reasonable thing like distance themselves and they’re suddenly the villain of the family.

The system needs everyone to prop it up in order to succeed. When one person leaves, it leaves a hole in the system that needs to be plugged up in order for it to limp along. In our broader society, we idealize the notion of family without really breaking down what that means. We want to believe that family loves you and family wants what’s best for you, but it’s often not true. It actually ties in nicely with my previous post about the women and the patriarchy. One of the reasons I would give when badgered about not wanting children is that I would have been a bad mother. I wasn’t being self-depreciating or negatively modest when I said this. I knew it was true and I didn’t want to continue the family dysfunction for another generation. I also didn’t want to give my parents access to any kids of mine to fuck them up the way they did to me.

This is not something I can say out loud very often. When I used to say I would be a bad mother, the person I said it to would inevitably rush forward with all the reasons I was wrong. Or when I would say I was worried I wouldn’t love my children, they would assure me it was different when it was my own kids. I remember clearly thinking that was bullshit because there are so many abused and neglected kids in the world. There are plenty of people who don’t love their kids even if they don’t feel they could admit this. I will always remember an article I read about being child-free for the comments in which several women said if they were able to go back, they wouldn’t have had children. More than one expressed relief that they could finally admit it and that there were others who felt the same way.

I knew with every fiber of my body that I didn’t want to be a mother. I didn’t want children. I didn’t like children (in general). But I was the bad one if I said anything like that. Let’s not talk about that, though .Let’s talk more about abusive families. I am pretty low contact with my parents. I don’t call them and I try to keep my emotions separate from any conversation with them. It’s difficult to do, but I gray rock them as best I can. I don’t tell them anything important to me because I know that it’ll just make me feel shitty afterwards.

Let me take a small example. It was my birthday last Wednesday. I don’t celebrate my birthday. I used to hate it and refused to even acknowledge it existed. I used to give a fake birthday whenever anyone asked me. One of my favorite stories is that back in the old ages, you had to give a birthday if you wanted to be on Facebook. Not only did you have to give them a birthday, you had to let them publish it on your wall. I really did not want that so I gave a fake birthday. Don’t remember the exact day, but it was in January. I promptly forgot about it until I woke up on that day to have a bunch of birthday wishes on my FB wall. It was really sweet, even though I didn’t give a shit about my birthday. I was really happy when FB allowed me to take my birthday off my wall.

Every year on my birthday, my parents would call and make a big deal of my birthday. They would ask if my brother had taken me out and would get upset when I said I didn’t celebrate my birthday. One year, my mother actually started crying as she talked about how important that day had been to her. It was really fucked up that I was made to feel bad about my own goddamn birthday. A day that theoretically should be about me. But, no, my mother made it all about her. That’s her jam, by the way. It’s another reason I don’t talk about myself much. Any time I try to say something, she turns it back to her. If I had a cold, then she had one worse. I end up feeling ignored and why the hell did she ask in the first place. It’s even more frustrating because she’s a psychologist.

My father, on the other hand, I wrote him off decades ago. He has no capacity for seeing other people’s points of view or realizing that maybe someone could feel something other than the way he does. Most of the time, I just listen to him ramble (same as with my mother), but he’s started this really irritating habit in the past few years of adding, “Right?” to the end of whatever inane statement he’d just said. What’s more, he actually waited for me to answer. Most of the time, I could just say right or uh-huh or whatever neutral statement I could muster, but once in awhile, I couldn’t do it. Like after Joe Biden was confirmed the winner of the election. Keep in mind that my parents haven’t lived in the States for decades. They didn’t have to live under the orange thumb. My father started rambling about how Americans were logical and everything would be fine. I knew I should just say ok and move on, but something in me snapped.

This is how a sick system gets to you. You do your best to navigate it without blowback and think you’re doing fine. Then, something pulls you back in and you’re ten again. I told him that there was going to be rioting because half of the people who voted were fucking assholes. He tried to say that I was overreacting and I wasn’t having any of it. I retorted that he hadn’t lived her in decades so maybe his opinion wasn’t that relevant? I didn’t say it in that way, but it was heavily implied. He said that maybe his outsider view was more important and I completely lost it. Later, when the riots happened, my mom told me that he actually admitted I was right. I have never heard him say that in my life.

Another quick example. We played ping-pong as a family because of course we did. We’re Asian. My father loved it because he was the best in the family. He would play me one-on-one, taking pleasure in beating me. How do I know this? Because I beat him when I was in my twenties and  we’ve never played again. He couldn’t handle it and my mother would certainly never do anything silly like beat him in a game. As for me, it was antithetical to everything I believed in to let someone beat me in a game. Well, maybe a kid, but not an adult.

These are the tame examples. Very tame. Anyway, my parents asked me what I did for my birthday again this year and again I said I didn’t do anything. Once again, they acted as if this was the weirdest thing they’d ever heard. I mean, it’s the same answer I’d given for decades in a row so I didn’t know why it surprised and shocked them every year. At least there  was no crying this time. I talked to them a few days later and my mom asked if my brother had taken me out for my birthday. What, this again? I said very impatiently that I didn’t celebrate my birthday AS I HAD SAID TWO DAYS EARLIER. Also, pandemic? Even if I did celebrate my birthday, I wouldn’t have done it this year.

Once again, this is getting long so I’ll end this for now. We’ll see if I feel like talking more about it in the next post.

Jab jab jab

Wednesday was my 50th birthday. I decided to celebrate by getting my first (Pfizer) jab as a treat. I knew I was going to have a reaction to it because I am always sensitive to this kind of thing. Many people online were reporting no effects at all. In fact, some people were saying the side effects were overstated or that people were making too much out of them. That it was deterring people from getting the vax. That really annoyed me because it’s just a fact of life for me. I’m not trying to be dramatic, but that’s just the way my body works. I definitely want people to get the vax, but I’m not going to lie about my reaction.

Let me take you through what happened. I tried to make an appointment online. I was able to make an appointment for the first jab, but when I tried to set the second one, the website said there were no times available. Um, what? Why the hell would you allow me to make a first appointment if I weren’t able to make a second one? That didn’t make any sense at all. I tried to do it again a few days later, but the website wouldn’t allow it. Then, it told me to set my first appointment and the place I had made the appointment at before wasn’t listed. Did this mean I didn’t have any appointments at all? It seemed to be the case.

I took a deep breath and did something I hated doing–picked up the phone. I called and was able to set both appointments by phone. Look, I love doing things online and I think it’s the best way to get shit done when it works. When it doesn’t, however, then talking to an actual person is the way to cut through all the confusion. The person on the other end of the line was pleasant and happy to answer all my questions (and I had many. It’s my way of dealing with my anxiety). She got me signed up for both shots and made me feel comfortable in getting them. I decided to go for my birthday because it was the best day possible of the early batch of days and I didn’t want to wait until two weeks after that to get my first shot.

Here’s the thing about anxiety. It doesn’t discriminate between legit worries and not-so-legit ones. At least my anxiety doesn’t. I found that it’s best to answer the logistics ahead of time so I can tick that off my list. In this case, I haven’t been to the Roy Wilkins auditorium in decades so I Google Mapped it. I also asked my taiji teacher about her experience because she got her jabs at the same place. She told me there was free parking if you mentioned you were there for the vax. She told me how to get from the parking lot to the auditorium and made sure to note that it was well-marked. All of that was helpful in allaying my anxiety. Knowledge is power!

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Back to not-platting: Dark Souls II (SotFS) edition

item discovery outfit including jester hat
Now who looks like a fool?

Back in the Dark Souls meta. So. On that not-plat tip. I read more about the Benhart of Jugo questline because I reeeeeally did not want to have to do it on NG+ or start another playthrough. I wasn’t able to keep him alive for the Throne Watcher & Throne Defender fight (not even sure that one counted as there were varying accounts as to whether yes or no) and I did NOT want to fuck it up. It was so easy to fuck up, too. I’ve mentioned before that when I first started the original game, I was stubborn about not looking things up. When I really got stuck, I’d peek at a Wiki, but I really didn’t want to do it. By the third game, I was looking shit up after irrevocably changing my game in a way I didn’t like. During the not-plats, I was constantly looking things up because it was so easy to miss tiny details that would fuck everything up.

In this case, Benhart’s questline goes something like this. I am not looking it up right now so this is off the top of the head. You run into him in a path that is semi-hidden (but necessary) right in Majula. You chat with him there and move on. Then, you run into him again at the bonfire outside the Mirror Knight and you chat with him again. Then, you can talk to him outside one of the Memories later on. Supposedly, you can summon him for the Giant Lord fight, which is in another Memory. I don’t think I’ve done that and I don’t remember where his summoning sign is. Anyway, I read if you kept him alive for the three boss fights before talking to him at the Memory point, he gives you his equipment when you talk to him there. Otherwise, you can summon him for the Memory Giant Lord fight and have him survive that, but you have to talk to him outside the other Memory first and then talk to him…at that same place? Maybe? Maybe somewhere else? At any rate, I preferred to get the three fights done before talking to him the first time outside that Memory. I bought the Redeye Ring I mentioned in the previous post, used a Bonfire Ascetic on the Mirror Knight bonfire, and slipped on the ring. I killed the four horsemen outside the boss room before summoning Benhart and Ashen Knight Boyd, who is an absolute beast. Oh. Right. The boss is officially the Looking Glass Knight, but was formerly the Mirror Knight.

I went in and to my surprise, I actually found it a lot easier this time. I’m not sure why except knowing that the boss was going to be more targeted at me meant I went in with a more aggressive attitude. I think I might have went with better armor, too, as I normally rock a light armor so I can be faster and roll better. The boss focused on me for roughly 75% of the fight, which meant Benhart was better able to stay alive. In fact, he had more than half his health by the end of the fight. I couldn’t believe how easy it was to kill the Looking Glass Knight, but I was more than happy to accept it. I ran to where Benhart was supposed to be and there he was! He started mouthing off about this, that, and the other thing while I impatiently mashed the A button over and over again. I didn’t give a shit about his family or his traditions or whatever. Give me your fucking equipment!

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WWDTAOL: Women upholding the patriarchy

Welcome back to WWDTAOL, my new series on What We Don’t Talk About Out Loud. This is my series in which I can explore all the things that don’t get said in polite society and how we would be lost without the unwritten standards our society holds up. In this post, I’ll be springing off the last post and my example of it being vastly women who asked me about my reproductive choices. When we talk about the patriarchy and how the man keeps us down, well, there’s an unspoken addendum that there will always be women who are desperate to hold up the patriarchy as well.

Before I get too deep into the weeds, I want to mention that I won’t be talking about nonbinary and/or genderfluid folks because the recognition that they exist is fairly new and I don’t know how they fit into the patriarchy. My instinct would be to say they don’t, but I know people. I am sure there are some NB/genderfluid people who also hold up the patriarchy in some way or other. Anyway, I’m limiting myself to men and women for the purpose of this post on gender determinism and sexism.

In reading my advice columns, I run across certain responses from women towards other women that are sexist in nature and depressingly common. One. The whole children thing I mentioned above. Almost everyone who questioned me when I was in my twenties was a woman, which surprised me at the time. Another big area is looks. Women are mean to other women about how they dress, how much makeup they do/don’t wear, how much they weigh, etc.

Again, I’d like to stress that I know guys do this as well. The point of this post is to note how many women buy into those same toxic beliefs. With the kids thing, I had hoped it was a relic of an older time (nineties/aughts). Sadly, women who are currently in their twenties report that they still get the same pressure. Doing a quick Google, I see that there 15.4% of women age 45 to 50 (my age) do not have children. Honestly, that’s higher than I thought because of how constant the child beat is smashed into my face in popular culture.

One of the reason I find this issue interesting is because I’ve felt very much not like a women all my life. I’ve never been interested in traditionally girly things. Here’s a long list of things that I eschew. Cooking, sewing, makeup, fashion, shopping, weddings, and children. I don’t like rom-coms, romantic movies, or basically romance in general. I did play with dolls, but mostly to make them have sex with each other. I much preferred stuffed animals. I hate pink and other pastels, and black is my favorite color.

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What We Don’t Talk About Out Loud

Hello! I have decided to start a new series called What We Don’t Talk About Out Loud, abbreviated as WWDTAOL. This came about from my passion for advice columns and because I am not exactly neurotypical. That means I have to think about things in my head before saying shit aloud. In addition, I was taught as a kid that I had to control my emotions to the point of never displaying them–unless it was unquestioning loyalty to my father. To this day, I have to process things really quickly in my brain in order to know the appropriate way to react when someone gives me news of any kind.

I had this idea simmering in the back of my head for some time. One thing the last president showed very clearly is how much our society relies on the social contract. Which, ok, I guess for most harmless interactions*, but doesn’t work that well for the President of the fucking United States. Part of the reason he was able to get away with so much shit was because he simply ignored the social conventions and did what he wanted. It’s hard to say whether he ignored the conventions or just didn’t know they existed. He definitely didn’t care. And his almost feral ability to detract from his bullshit by throwing a hissy fit about everything else until no one remembered the initial incident didn’t help the situation.

But what it underlined for me was how much of social propriety is built upon everyone agreeing on basic principles and following the rules more or less. I’m not talking about actual laws but the social rules that coalesce over times. What we call etiquette and something I give the side-eye to in general. For better or worse, however, we have agreed on a general outline of how we should behave on the daily with more specific rules for specific circumstances.

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Not enjoying the not-plat of Dark Souls II (SotFS)

I love Dark Souls. I probably don’t have to say this, but I will, anyway. After I not-platted the third game, however, I was heartily sick of Dark Souls III, which is my favorite game ever. For a few months, I couldn’t even think about playing the game again–or the other FromSoft games, either. Many months, actually. Oh, sure, I played a bit here and there, but nothing like my normal play it every week if not every day. It’s only in the last month or so that I’ve been able to play the game again with pleasure. In the last few weeks, I’ve been watching the RKG’s playthrough of Dark Souls II, otherwise known as Scholar of the First Sin, the one Dark Souls game I haven’t platted or even not-platted. To be honest, I haven’t played that game in a year because I knew that once I started it up again, I’d start thinking about the not-plat.

After I finished the DS III plat, I did check SotFS to see if it had cloud sync. DS* does and DS III, bafflingly, does not. I had to use my saves on my old laptop to finish the DS III plat, which was annoying. DS II also does not have cloud sync and I only have one save on this computer. I was roughly halfway through the main game on that save. And, I was annoyed because one of the achievements I should have had is bugged and only pops if you get the final piece of it online. It’s one of the more straightforward achievements, too. It’s Maestro of Gestures, and you get them all by talking to NPCs. I think you get the ‘Praise the Sun’ emote from joining the Heirs of the Sun covenant, but other than that, it’s NPCs.

I have gotten all the gestures a half dozen times at least, but I play the game mostly offline because I hate PvP. I hate it the most in this game because you can get invaded when you’re not human and there’s a weird mechanic that under some circumstances, the less human you are, the more likely you will to be invaded. There is a similar bug in DS III in which you have to have one of every type of infusion. Meaning lightning, fire, crystal gem, heavy, gem, etc. I rarely do that because you take a huge hit to physical if you infuse your weapon with anything, so I had plenty of the stuff I needed to infuse my weapons. I went to Andre and infused one of everything. No achievement. I read you have to do it online, so I went online and tried again. Nothing. I read the forums and they suggested that I buy fifteen daggers and do the infusions on them (to keep it the same). I did that as well–nothing.

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A mélange, a potpourri, and an olio–but mostly Lil Nas X

My brain has been jumping all over the place and my sleep has sucked, so this post is going to meander more than usual. I’m going to pull back the curtain a bit on how I write posts. Not on the writing itself because that’s usually just put down whatever is in my brain. No, it’s about how I decide what to write about. Normally, there’s something pressing on my brain and I let that flow from my fingers until I’ve said all I need to say on the subject or until  I lose interest. Sometimes, it’s both, but sometimes it’s one or the other.

In the past few weeks, I’ve been struggling with my concentration for reasons I don’t want to get into. Suffice to say, it’s not as easy to get shit done as it used to be. Most of the time, I just grit my teeth and force myself to write the post. It may not be as long as it normally is or very good, but I get it done, damn it. Today, however, I’m going to write about whatever is on my mind with no attempt at coherency. Here we go.

Lil Nas X. I didn’t know he existed until yesterday when I read something about Satan Shoes, his new kicks. That he’s selling. Oh, and he’s a rapper? Singer? Both? Anyway, there are 666 pairs and they contain drops of human blood. That’s all I knew when I made this tweet:

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The quiet place of me

I have talked at length about how I’m different than most people. I’m talking in big ways–Asian, bi, not married, no children, agnostic, food issues, etc.–and small–liking winter, preferring night to day, etc. When it comes to pop culture, it’s pretty much a guarantee that if something is popular, I will hate it. Movies I hate: Star Wars, Titanic, Amelie, Se7en, and Pulp Fiction. Music groups: The Who, Led Zepplin, and The Beatles. Books turned into movies I tried to read and couldn’t: The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown and Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. I read the first chapter of the first one three times before finally giving up because it was such bad prose. As for the latter, I instantly haaaaaaaaated the narrator and couldn’t get past it. Oh, one more. The first Game of Thrones book by George R. R. Martin. The prose was so purple and turgid, I had a hard time not laughing out loud. A few more: A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by David Eggers, White Teeth by Zadie Smith, and The Night Listener by Armistead Maupin.

Let’s move onto TV. It’s the area in which I am the weirdest. It’s also something I don’t talk about hardly at all because I’m so squarely on the side of weird. Popular TV shows I absolutely hate: Seinfeld; It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia; Game of Thrones*; Breaking Bad; House of Cards; Arrested Development. I will add that I’ve only seen one episode of GoT and BB so there’s that. The GoT one was the Red Wedding and the BB one was the penultimate episode. I absolutely LOATHE Seinfeld. All the characters are narcissistic, smug, entitled, whiny, and overwhelmingly white.

Speaking of, the most recent movie I watched was Knives Out. I was really looking forward to it because it had gotten such great acclaim and I loved Agatha Christie, especially Poirot; it was clear the movie was an homage of sorts to Christie. The cast was stellar, ranging from Jamie Lee Curtis to Toni Colette to Don Johnson. Oh, and Daniel Craig as the detective. I wasn’t impressed by the frenetic cut-editing of the trailer, but I figured it was just a way to get people to see the movie.

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The dark side of Dark Souls, part five

I am writing about the dark side of the Dark Souls series (very slowly as I get sidetracked by everything I love about the games) and this is part…five? Here’s part four and many of my issues with the DLCs of the third game. Having said that, I have finished NG, including the DLC. I got summons on the Champion Gravetender & Gravetender Greatwolf, Darkeater Midir, and Slave Knight Gael. One for CG & GG, two for DE, and one for SKG. On a Monday afternoon! It’s heartwarming that people are still playing the game. Ian showed me how to check how many people are concurrently playing and it’s roughly 14,000 at a time. I didn’t think that was THAT many people, but Ian assured me that many MMOs would kill for those numbers.

On the downside, that means that there are people still invading as well. I play the game offline until I reach a boss because I’m usually embered up (human form). I have gone on record several times that I hate being invaded, though I’ve accepted it’s part of the game. I’ve had people try to change my mind about it to no avail. One person in the RKG group got pretty earnest about it. We were talking about platting the game and I said that the pain of grinding for the covenant items made me not play the game for some time. He said that it was because I did it the wrong way–I needed to invade for the items and that would make it less grindy.

Now. Is he right? Yes. Invading for the items would have made it easier. How many items? Let’s chat. 30 Proofs of a Concord Kept for the Blade of the Darkmoon Covenant. 30 Pale Tongues for the Rosaria’s Fingers Covenant. 30 Vertebra Shackles for the Mound-Makers Covenant. 30 Wolf’s Blood Swordgrass for the Watchdogs of Farron Covenant. 30 Human Dregs for the Aldritch Faithful Covenant. 30 Sunlight Medals for the Warrior of Sunlight Covenant. Oh my god. As I was writing this list, it all came flooding back. I had repressed much of it and forgotten two of the six covenants I had to grind items for. There are a few of each item found strewn around the world, but not more than five of each.

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The state of my health

My sleep has been shit(tier) lately so I apologize in advance if this is a rambling mess of a post. Sleep, my lifelong nemesis. So much so, I’ve written a novel with Morpheus (of Neil Gaiman fame. Not that he invented Morpheus, of course, but this particular version) as the main antagonist. Goddamn it. I still feel sorrowful when I think of that novel because there’s no way I can publish it. It’s not fanfic as the main character is, well, me. I use all the members of the Endless as I envision them, and, quite frankly, it’s really good.

Anyway, I’d been happy because in the past year or two, my sleep had stabilized. But then in the last few months, it’s gone off the rails again. Why? I don’t know. Is it because of the coffee I’m drinking again? You’d think so, but the troubles started before I took up caffeine once again. It may not be helping, but it’s not the root cause. It’s frustrating because caffeine is beneficial for some things (thumb issue if it’s RA), negative for some things (sleep) and both in others (migraines). So far, I’ve kept the caffeine because the positives have outweighed the negatives, but I may have to quit if it gets worse.

My thumb is better. It’s still sore and tender and hard to bend at times, though. I’ve decided that it’s probably better not to wear a splint most of the time because I don’t use it when I type. The main reason to wear a splint is to keep the digit from moving on its own or from being accidentally knocked into. I feel that constricting the blood flow is not a good thing to do for hours on end so I only put it on when my hand starts actually hurting rather than just being sore and tender to the touch. I can deal with it even though I’m not happy about it, obviously. What’s more worrisome is that my right hand is starting to have…issues. Not the same issues as my left thumb, but still.

Ok. I’m just not feeling it today. Here are Maru, Hana, and Miri.