Underneath my yellow skin

Tag Archives: tired

Under (sinus) pressure

I’m still feeling punk. And, it’s still hasn’t fully hit, which is depressing me. I’m already feeling depressed because of my life, and I was going to get more into that this week, but I’ll save it for later. Let’s just say there isn’t one facet of my life in which I’m satisfied, and this could be a dangerous slope into chronic depression. Even though it’s been years since I’ve been there, I know it could happen at any time. I’ve had a low-grade depression for a few months now, which is bearable, but not desirable, honestly. Persistently being on the cusp of being sick doesn’t help. My sinuses are sore, I have a dry cough, and I have no energy.

So, this is your post for the day. Here is Queen and David Bowie doing Under Pressure (of course).

Tired, Grumpy, and Broken (Keyboard)

I’m still recovering from my whatever I had, and it’s slow going. Stuffy nose, gunk in my ears, scratchy throat. All are still present, even though they ‘re slowly subsiding. Add to that my laptop keyboard finally giving up the ghost with some sticking and repeating (looking at you ‘y’), some sticking and not working at all despite frantic pounding (‘h’ key), and some aing the little rubber piece come off (oh, ‘o’ key, why), necessitating the need to replace it repeatedly. It has been said that I am hard on my keyboards. I like to protest, but it’s true. My brother is coming tomorrow to fix it, so I’ll be more in the typing mood then, hopefully, and will finish up my games of the year post.

In the meantime, there is more Poirot to watch and more honey ginger lemon tea to drink. Here is the story of Maru & Hana in two parts.

Sick, Tired, and Sick and Tired

Before I talk about my health, which I’m going to do at length, I want to add to my post of yesterday about what you can do to protest this administration. If you’re a Republican in a Republican state who is appalled by what is going on, you can have more impact on your legislators than I can. I know there are sensible Republicans out there who have given up on their party. I can understand why, but your party needs you. More to the point, your country needs you. Please do what you can to slow down or stop this train wreck.

Back to my health. I thought I was getting better, then I wasn’t. Then I rebound a bit, but now I’ve crashed again. My nose and throat are clogged. I have bloody boogers (literally. I’m not being British right now). I’m coughing and feeling very low energy. My temperature is very low, even when I feel like I have a fever. My normal temp is 97.5. Right now, it’s hovering between 95.9 and 96.9. I’m convinced this has to do with my hypothyroid meds being lowered. If I don’t feel better in the next day or two, I’m calling my doctor.

I’ve managed to do my morning routine every day, but I’ve had to cut it back because I’m just so fucking tired. I went to class yesterday, and we did just the right amount of taiji, but I was exhausted when I got home. I stopped at the co-op on the way home, and that just about put me over the edge. I spent most of last night on the couch, which made Shadow (my cat) happy because he could just lump around on my legs as I rested. Which he’s doing right now, actually.

I finished watching all of the episodes of The Great British Bake Off that I could, um, freely watch, if you get my drift. I watched some Chopped, but I was missing that baking goodness. I didn’t know there were other versions of the Bake Off show, and I tried all that I could find. Irish, American, South African, and Australian. There almost exact clones of the original, but they’re like low fat food–not very filling. What’s interesting about the Australian version is that the second season has an entirely different cast than the first season. After watching the first episode of the first season, I understood why. The male host was fine when he wasn’t mugging it up, but the female host was, not good. In addition, the female judge (Kerry Vincent) was horrible. I know the shtick is to be stern and foreboding, but there’s a difference between exacting and being a complete bitch. She was downright mean, and it was hard to watch. Paul Hollywood, one of the judges from the original, is constantly being teased for being mean, but he’s not. He’s firm and he has high standards, but he’s never cruel.

In the second season of the Australian version, the two (now female) hosts are pale copies of the two original hosts. They’re comedians (as are the originals) who make bad baking puns (as do the originals), but they don’t have the charm. The judges are great, though, which is arguably more important. I’m on the second episode, but I’m not sure I’ll watch the rest of the season. It’s just so unsatisfying after watching the original. I don’t feel invested in any of the bakers, and the show kind of limps along. I might go back to watching Chopped instead.

I’m grumpy because I’ve been sick for so damn long. Every time i get better, I get worse again. I’m wondering if it’s something other than the flu or a cold, although both can last a long time. I’m also pretty sure that the stress of the past few months is part of the problem. I have a wonky immune system in the first place, and my grief isn’t helping matters. I’m also blaming my cold/flu/whatever on visiting my doctor right before I got sick. Not only are clinics a hot bed of germs, they asked me if I wanted a flu shot, and I said no. I’m pretty sure I jinxed myself, but the few times I’ve actually gotten a flu shot, I’ve gotten the flu. After the third time that happened, I looked it up and discovered that doctors pick six strains they think are going to be prevalent in the upcoming year and that’s what the flu shot is aimed at stopping/slowing down. There are many more strains than that, of course, so you’re not completely inoculated with the shot.

I hate feeling like shit. I hate being a baby about it. I hate not wanting to ever get out of bed.

I’m going to meditate on Shironeko while I’m resting and try to emulate his chill.

The Mind is Willing, But the Body Says, “Hell, NO!”

Last night, I was lying on the couch, and I felt my flu ‘break’. I had a moment of relief before the crud* fill my nose and my throat. Before, I mostly felt exhausted, alternated between chills and hot flashes, and had absolutely no energy. I also had headaches and no appetite. I dealt with it by resting as much as I could and drinking all the honey ginger lemon tea I could stand. It was horrible to wake up feeling enervated. I considered it an accomplishment to make it to the bathroom without staggering.

When the flu broke last night, I was relieved. It’d been over a week, and I felt it was about goddamn time. Then, not a minute later, my nose started to fill with snot, and my throat got clogged. I knew immediately that a cold, like a silent assassin waiting in the wings, had set upon me just as my flu left. Needless to say, I am not happy. I’m tired, stuffed up, and coughing sporadically.

I had planned on writing a long screed on what is currently happening in this mockery we call democracy, but I’m just not up to it. I will do it tomorrow as I have a hunch the travesty will still be happening–along with the protests. I skipped my last two taiji classes as well as four in two weeks (total). It’s frustrating to have absolutely no energy, no matter how much or how little sleep I get.

I’m down. I’m depressed. I’m watching another season of The Great British Bake Off (and, yes, there’s another waif-like type of whom I feel VERY protective).

Here are two of my favorite things–Maru and snow. Two videos of him in the fluffy white stuff. In the first, he’s wearing a darling blue raincoat. It’s so cute. In the second, he slides in a sled, and it’s even cuter.

Part two:

*Technical term, of course.

Gray Skies Are Gonna Clear Up

Hello, I am on the mend, but I’m still dragging my flat yellow ass around. I’ve decided to take one more day off (and the weekend) before returning to blogging. I’m still blasting my way through The Great British Bake Off, and I’m almost done with Season Three (on the semi-finals). It’s surprising how attached to the contestants I get, but it’s because they’re so humble and hard-working. There is very little of the macho bullshit I see on American reality shows, and they seem genuinely upset when others are cut. Oh, I know everyone wants to win, but they’re not trying to sabotage each other. In fact, I’ve seen them help each other in times of crisis.

One thing I’ve realized is that at a certain point, some of the contestants stop having fun. There was one woman in Season Two who looked as if she had checked out the second episode in which she was doing poorly. She looked so beat down every time ¬†she presented her baked good, it was as if she’d defeated herself before she even started. When she was cut, she smiled and said she was relieved, and I believed her. The competition is intense, and I actually worry about the mental health of some of the contestants.

Here is the Christmas special videos of The Great British Bake Off. Enjoy!

Part two:

Rinse, Lather, Repeat

Hello, dear readers. I am still feeling cruddy with this flu or whatever. So, again, it’s tea, The Great British Bake Off, and ignoring what’s happening in the world. For your viewing pleasure today, we have Shironeko (white cat with orange spots) and friends watching the snow. Two of my favorite things–cats and snow. Enjoy.


Status is Status Quo

Day Five of being sick. I’m tired. So tired. And, to be honest, bored. I hate myself when I’m sick. I’m whiny and grumpy and get exhausted within seconds of doing anything. By anything, I mean sitting up, going to the bathroom, or going grocery shopping. All things I did today, by the way. I also played more Dark Souls because why not? Doing a melee run that is off the chain. Running through it like a pro! Ironically, the most times I died in one area was not because of a boss but because of fucking platforming.

Anyway, here’s Maru in a mixing bowl.

I’m So Tired, But I Can’t Sleep

Day whatever of being sick. Feeling a little better, but still drained. Despite the title of this post, I’ve gotten some sleep. Probably more than I do on a regular basis, but I’m still so tired. All my worst traits come out when I’m sick. I’m cranky; I’m grumpy; I’m morose; I’m depressed. I don’t want to move, and my brain races at a million miles an hour. I just want it all to go away. I just want ME to go away. Until then, I’ll remain on the couch with my boys and incessant Criminal Minds episodes.

Here’s a video of Shironeko (white cat with orange patches on the top of his head, second from the right) and friends. Enjoy.

Sick of It

I am still sick. I am worse than I was yesterday. I’m tired, cranky, lethargic, and weak. I managed to get to Cub today and buy ginger, honey, a lemon, and a box of crackers. I got home, and it felt as if I’d taken a trip to Africa and back. I made some ginger lemon honey tea*. I played some Dark Souls, then I snuggled down on my couch with my laptop, my cats, tea, crackers, and my grumpy self.

I have been avoiding social media for the most part, and I’m ready for me not to be sick any longer. Fuck this shit. Have a cat video. Maru is the best (and his sister, Hana).

*A remedy from my youth. My mom made it for me when I got sick as a child.