Underneath my yellow skin

Gaming and why it’s the perfect time to get out

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I’m back to talk more about gaming. Here’s my last post in which I just meandered all over the place, but I did manage to talk about Sarah Bond and how she “resigned” to  be with her family and pursue other oppportunities. I believe it even less today than I did yesterday. All the things the Xbox execs are saying are just noise. I. Don’t. Believe. Them. Period. I just fucking do not.

I’m old. I’m tired. I’m mad. I ain’t got time for this shit. Do not fucking tell me that the sky is green and expect me to believe it. I have included a video from Paul Tassi below. He’s solid, and I trust his reporting. He mentions the same The Verge article that I cited in the post yesterday. Again, I don’t have a sub, so I’m relying on what others have said about it.

I’m pretty anti-capitalism to begin with. I mean, as much as I can be in a very pro-capitalism world. Specifically in the gaming world, I don’t buy games on release day for the most part unless it’s a FromSoft game on PC (BIG sigh over The Duskbloods being a Switch 2 exclusive, but also, mixed feelings on the nature of the game).

I haven’t been happy with the gaming industry in general for the whole time I’ve participated in it, and I’m thinking it might be time to bow out. I have never considered myself a gamer beacuse I have never felt welcome in the community. I mean, let’s face it. It’s a community of mostly cishet dudes in their twenties. Not exactlyy my people.

For the most part, I didn’t care. I mostly play games by myself, so it didn’t really matter if I was part of a community or not. However. I hate what’s going on in the gaming industry in general, and I’m not sure I feel comfort supporting it. At least the AAA developers.

I always separate indie devs from the rest of the gaming industry because it’s a whole different situtaion. Well, we need to get even more granular than that. When I say indie, there are different levels. Anything less than twenty people is a small indie dev to me. Twenty-one to fifty is medium. Fifty-one to a hundred is larrge. I just added the last category right now. I’ll be honest. A hundred-person company is too big to be indie to me. Wait. Larian Studios. They have over 400 employees, but they self-published. They are considered an indie studio, but some people don’t really consider them indie.

Do I? Huh. I’m not sure. I mean, they do self-publish, but they are gigantic. I don’t know. I’ll have to think about it more and deal with it later. It’s not really relevant to what I’m trying to talk about in this post, so I’ll let it go for now.

For the most part, I play games that are made by truly indie teams. We’re talking ten or less people. My favorite game last year was made by a studio (Promise Mascot Agency, Kaizen Game Works) that has 3 fulltime employees. They do use contractors, but still. My favorite game so far this year (The Spirit Lift, prettysmart games) has two people on the team. They also have other people they use, but the team itself has two people.


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More talk on remakes and Xbox, probably

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Well. Sarah Bond, the missing ex-president of Xbox, has finally spoken. She issued a carefully-crafted statement about being appreciative of her time with Xbox, but it was time for her to move on to new things. Here is her statement in full. Not one single person believes it’s true for several reasons. One, there was a post on her LinkedIn just a few hours before Phil Spencer (her boss) “retired” that was about accessibility. The way it was stated made it clear that it was just a common post and that there was no hint of her resigning. The post was taken down several hours later, so clearly, Sarah Bond ‘resigning’ was not planned.

People in the industry have pointed out that while there’s a lot of love being given to Spencer (by the Xbox team as he “retired”), but there was no mention of Sarah Bond. At all. It was as if she never existed. And today, not only was there the statement above by her, but there was a piece about her in the Verge by Tom Warren that talks about how she was not well-liked by Xbox employees. I can’t link it because  I don’t have a subscription, but I have included a Kinda Funny Games video below that talks about it at length.

It talks about how she was the one who pushed the ‘everything is an Xbox’ idea (meaning, you don’t need an Xbox console in order to play their games). Except, Phil Spencer was the one who came up with the idea; he was the one who brought Sarah Bond in; and he was the one who nudged her in that direction. She was presumed to be his handpicked successor, which means that she probably didn’t do much without his approval.

I want to say that I have no insider knowledge I am not in the industry, so this is all my personal observation. I want to make that clear.

There is no fucking way she left of her own volition. There just isn’t. I understand why Microsoft might choose to play it that way; really, they didn’t have much of a choice. So, as far as I have read/heard, they were planning on doing this today (Monday), but they got word that IGN was going to post something about it on Friday, so they had to act quickly.

Look. I have no love for Sarah Bond or Xbox. I dropped Game Pass once they made the boneheaded decision to hike up the prices, especially the ultimate or whatever the highest level is called. I never really used it, anyway. I mean, I tried out one or two games every other month or so. It probably was worth it in the long run, but I still was just sick of their shit.


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More speculation about remakes, remasters, and sequels

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I want to talk more about remasters, remakes, and sequels. I talked about it a bit in the past post beacuse I was ranting about PlayStation closing Bluepoint Games. I did not think it got enough ink because of what happened the next day (Phil Spencer ‘retiring’ and Sarah Bond ‘resigning’–from Xbox.) It never fails. Every time PlayStation fucks up, Xbox is determined to one up them. It’s as if Xbox could not stand to give up the limelight for a second, even if it’s for a negative reason.

I’m tired. It’s hard being a ‘gamer’ these days. I put that in quotes beacuse I have never really concerned myself a gamer. I mean, I play games, yes, but I don’t like the whole gamer life. Come to think of it, I don’t like any fandom. It’s not a Groucho Marx thing (does anyone know who he is these days?), but just that I don’t like to conform to other people. I don’t like people telling me what to do, and I certainly don’t like people telling me what to think.

In addition, I can usually see all sides to things, which makes it hard for me to be a team player. Some people say I’m contrary. Some people would be right. Though I’m not contrary on purpose. What I mean is that I’m not doing it to be a dick. I’m not doing it just to be contrary. I just see things differently. I try to keep it to myself most of the time because I know it’s not welcome in polite company.

Side note: I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that I learned at a very young age to hide my true feelings. I buried that shit deep because the reaction if I didn’t was very negative. It’s one reason I live alone. I can’t let my mask down if there is anyone else around. Even online. I put it on so automatically, it’s just a part of me by now. It’s only when I’m at home alone that I can be myself. Or when I had my cat/s. They accepted me as I was (as long as I fed them and gave them love, obviously).

I had never felt as accepted as I did by my cats. They were very different, but they both had positive feelings about me. In fact, I lived with both Raven and Shadow for nine years and with Shadow for an additional seven+ years. I lived with Shadow longer than I have with anyone else. I used to say Raven was my heart and Shadow was my soul.

It’s only in the last few months that I’ve even thought of adopting another cat, but every time, I start casually looking, my heart squeezes and says no. I know some people adopt new animal friends soon after losing one, but I just can’t. I wish I could because I think I would like to share my space again, but I just can’t.


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Why I don’t play certain games (part four)

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I have more to say about games I play/don’t play/the state of the industry. I mean, there’s a lot going on there. Most of it is extremely shitty at the moment. I wrote about it in yesterday’s post, but I have more to say today. It’s pretty fucking bleak. I can’t stop thinking about how PlayStation announced on Thursday, February 19th that it was closing Bluepoint Games. People were talking about it (of course), and I thought it would carry us to the weekend. Most people were furious about it, and I thought that would take us into the weekend.

But, no. Xbox, as they have done for the past few years, said to PlayStation: Hold my beer! In their 25th anniversary year, on a Friday, Microsoft announced that Phil Spencer, the head of Xbox had ‘retired’ and that the second in command (president), Sarah Bond ‘resigned’.

Look. This is just bullshit. I mentioned it yesterday, but I wanted to say it again. It’s fucking bullshit. I don’t doubt that Phil Spencer was planning on retiring sometime soon, but I highly doubt that he would choose to it right before the 25th anniversary (November). And Sarah Bond ‘resigning’? Naw, son. She was presumed to be Spencer’s heir apparent, and there’s no way she would resign abruptly on a Friday night.

This is all ridiculous. And I’m mad that PlayStation seems to be getting away with shitcanning Bluepoint Games.

Side note: Ok. We have to talk about the elephant in the room. A Bloodborne remake. Bear with me. Ever since remakes have become the rage, there’s one that comes up time and time again. Bloodborne (FromSoft). It’s actually pretty funny to watch From fans bring it up every time there’s a big event, only to have their hopes dashed once again.

I’m not in the know at all, but it has always been obvious to me that From did not want to do a remake/remaster/touch it at all. In fact, I would gather than Miyazaki did not like to think of a game once he was done with it. He doesn’t like to do sequels. He had someone else direct Dark Souls II and some say Dark Souls III, though Miyazaki is credited with being the director of the third game. With the latter game, there are conflicting opinions on why he did that game. Some think he did it to make up for the shortcomings of the first game because he did not have the time to finish that one in the manner in which he would have preferred.

Others think that it was just a cynical cash grab. Or rather, that they did the third game in order to make money to do other things. I have not seen anything that supports or validates the second opinion, but of course people are going to say that. I’m not saying that it’s not true. It does seem like he doesn’t like to repeat himself, so I can see that he might have done the sequels begrudgingly. But he did do them.

This is my long-ass way of getting to the point. Which I’m not there yet.


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Games I don’t play (part three)

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Let’s talk more about games I don’t/can’t play. Games I don’t play is easy* enough. I don’t play turn-based. Except. Ah, I just did. Kind of. And not just dipped into, but platted it. The Spirit Lift (prettysmart games), a roguelike deck-builder that was turn-based. The few times I have played turn-based games, I was used to each member of your party taking their turn. In this game, you had an aggregate amount of turns. Each member contributed cards, but you could use any of them you wanted in each turn as long as they were in play (meaning that you had drawn them).

In general, I don’t like to think too hard while playing a game. I mean, I don’t mind puzzling when I’m playing a puzzle game, but I don’t want t o exert myself too much in other games. I mean, I’ll look something when need be, but I don’t want to be constantly chewing over what to do in a non-puzzle game.

I also have given up on point-and-clicks. I ave tried so hard to like them. I have played several games, old and new, in this genre. Each time, I think, maybe this will be the time I actually like the game. And each time, I do not. The only game I liked was Kathy Rain, and even that was marred with so much frustration. By the way, after years of me wanting a sequel and resigning myself to not getting one (because the first one did not do well at all), I was astonished to find out there was a sequel.

I haven’t bought it yet because I’m scared. Of what? That it’ll just be more deep frustration and/or won’t live up to my expectations. I will try it one day, I’m sure, but–oh dear. It’s 15% off. No, wait. That’s the bundle for both the games. And it makes it cheaper than the second game itself. I don’t know why this is so, but Steam does this a lot.  Seventeen dollars for the bundle. I am between games at the moment, so I’m seriously tempted.

I don’t play FPS, multiplayers, or shooters in general. None of that interests me. I also don’t care for most Triple A games. I know how it sounds, and I swear I’m not a hipster. I just am not made that way. It’s the same with any pop media for me. I am just left cold by most popular media. Now that I’ve realized I’m probably neuroatypical, I am saying that is probably part of the reason I have no interest in mainstream pop culture.

Back to accessibility issues in games I don’t play. Here is my post from yesterday. In it, I was talking about how I would rather indie games fly towards the sun and fail than stay safe and make a bland and boring game. I mean, I would like Triple A games to do the same, but they have way more to lose. It’s the same with Hollywood movies vs. indie ones. When you spend millions on a piece of pop culture, you expect to get that money back.


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Things that turn me off gameplay wise (part two)

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Yesterday, I was intending to write about what my next game might be. I did mention the demos I’ve played in the past few days, but then I wandered very far away from the main point as in my wont. I needed to talk about what would make me turn off a game, especially an indie game. Why? Because I’m trying out a bunch of demos, and I will turn them off in a flash if certain things happen. Yes! That’s where the link is.

I stopped after giving 1/2 of a two-point (completely conflicting) answer, so let’s jump into the second part. I mentioned that I loved a small, self-contained 2-3 hour experience that was just good vibes and joyful. A game that was comfortable and acted as a blanket to be snuggled in. There is nothing wrong (and sometimes, everything right) with a well done small game.

Here’s the counterpoint: there is something exhilirating about an indie game that reaches for the stars. Even if they falter, they go out in a glorious burst. In fact, I wrote a post last year about two indie games that did just that. Reached for the sun, I mean. One of them worn Game of the Year last year (Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 (Sandfall Interactive) whereas the other came and went without any fanfare (Promise Mascot Agency (Kaizen Game Works)). One of them was my favorite game of last year, and it wasn’t the one that won all the awards.

I have written plenty about both of these games, so I’m not going to go into it again. I just want to say that it’s hard to say why one was such a smash success while the other barely made a blip. I did note that one of them was more normie-friendly (the former) while the other was only for weirdos (the latter).

Don’t get me wrong. I am a weirdo. I am a total weirdo. I am such a weirdo, other weirdos say, “Wow, that person needs to dial it back a bit.” I’ve talked about it before, but I’m the kind of weirdo that is too weird for the weirdos.

I’m fine with that. I don’t care, honestly. It’s better than thinking there was something wrong with me, which was what I thought my whole childhood. Now, I just accept that I think very differently than most people. Yes, it’s a neuroatypical thing, and I’m dealing with it. I wish I had known it decades ago, but at least I know it now.

I know to keep most of my opinions to myself if I’m the gen pop. I can never relax because I know if  Ilet my mask go even for a few seconds, I will get a strong reaction. It’s not necessarily negative, but it’s more likely negative than positive.

Before I played Promise Mascot Agency, I had watched a trailer, and I knew the basic premise. I also knew Shuhei Yoshida (ex-president of Sony) was in it. That was it. I didn’t even know until I was almost done with the game that the voice actor for Kazuma Kiryu (Takaya Kuroda) plays Michi, the protagonist in this game. Same kind of role, but different voice. I have not played much of the Yakuzas, but I have seen a lot of Kiryu.

There was a lot that frustrated me about PMA, but there was also more that brought me joy. The devs threw everything and the kitchen sink into the mix, to the benefit and the drawback of the game. So, yes. They went for it with gusto. No, they did not hit every mark they were reaching for, but that wasn’t the important thing in this game. The important thing was they tried. They went outside the box, and they dared to fail.

My favorite thing about the game is the cast of mascots. You know how in many games, the ‘weird’ characters are just mildly different than the norm? Like in romcoms when the ‘ugly’ girl is signified by someone hot like Zendaya having frumpy clothing, messy hair, and wearing glasses. or the weirdo is the hot guy who is wearing glasses and has one nerdy quirk, like playing D&D. Come to think of it, that’s really popular these days.

In fact, I was comparing CO:E33 to PMA about this, too. The former tries to paint the main group as a band of outsiders (because of the world they live in–look, it’s complicated), and that this band of plucky outsiders had to come together to defeat the big baddie. Except, each member is incredibly hot and skilled. Yes, they talk about being outsiders, but in the very safe way. Not fitting in with the family for the most part. Or that they had tragedies happen in their lives that were what many people had.

It’s what I call ‘safe’ weird. It’s the way popular media likes to portray weirdos–as being one step outside of the norm.

In PMA, the mascots are weird with a capital W. And some of them are really unlikable. They are gross, awkward (actually awkward), fearful, timid, annoying, and cringe-inducing. Not all of them  and not all of the traits, but most of the mascots have at least one really negative trait. There are a few mascots that I really did not like at first. I mean, really did not like. Like, ‘get this creep away from me’ did not like.

By the end of the game, though, I had a fondness in my heart for them all. Granted, I like some better than the others. To-Fu, , the first mascot I recruited remained one of my favorites. I had a real soft spot (heh) in my heart for him. My sensitive little block of soy.

This was the first time I felt there were real weirdos in a game. Sure, they were mascots and not humans, but I cared about them more than I have about many NPCs in other games. I wanted to spend more time with my mascots, but I had to keep sending them on jobs. Also, I couldn’t just spontaneously interact with them; I had to do prescribed interactions instead (performance reviews and such). Honestly, I would have loved to have just chilled with them.

I don’t know if PMA was considered a success or not; I know that CO:E33 most definitely was. But, in my honest opinion, it’s a much safer game than PMA. People raved about it being so fresh and original, but I just didn’t see it. Again, that’s just me.

But, as I said in that previous post, I rather games soar for the sun and fail than not try anything new. And while I did not think CO:E33 went that far outside the box, they were doing something fresh. At least if I were to believe what others say. I did not see it myself. But, I did feel like the sum was more than the individual parts. At any rate, I’m glad both games exist.

The next big thing (gamewise)

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In yesterday’s post, I intended to talk about what my next game might be. I veered wildly off into brand loyalty and how I don’t think I’ll be playing FromSoft games for much longer (and why I’m OK with that. Well, not ok, but resigned).

I’ve played several demos, and I immediately uninstalled several. Why? There are a variety of reasons. Some required twitch responses that I did not have. I was really sad about a few of them because I really dug the aesthetics, but I simply could not play the games.

Here are thirngs that will cause me to uninstall a game quickly.

1. Mini-games that make me do QTEs, any kind of ‘fill in the circle’ motion that has to be precise, and anything of that ilk. It seems to be something that more indie games are doing, sadly, much like parrying is king in most triple A action games.

Side note: I don’t know when it happened, but I flinch now whenever I hear the word ‘parry’ as the main combat in any game. I hate the word ‘soulslike’, too, because it usually means the game has taken my least-favorite aspect of From games and glorified them to kingdom come.

I know I have said this over and over again, but I’ll say it one more time. Most devs don’t give a shit about accessibility. Sadly, that includes many of the indie devs, too. I give them more benefit of the doubt–at least, the teams that are small, like 20 employees and under. They simply don’t have the resources to do everything that the bigger companies can do.

However. That doesn’t mean I actually want to play their games.

Side note: I didn’t realize the whole time I was playing The Spirit Lift (prettysmart games) that the game was first-person. I mean, I knew it was, but I did not have the negative reaction I normally have to first-person games. I mentioned it to Ian, and he said that in keeping with the ’90s feel to the game (no bobbing of the head, for example). In thinking of it, it made sense. The only time I got slightly nauseous was when I swung the camera around too quickly–and that was on me.

I cannot tell you how many times I have regretfully turned off a game because the first-person perspective made me sick to my stomach. Sadly, Blue Prince (Dogubomb Studios) was one of those games. Not only was it in first-person, it had a fish-eyed point of view that increase my nausea. The game didn’t have much to fiddle with, sadly. Yes, there was a FOV slider, but it didn’t do much. I played an hour at a time, gritting my teeth as I played. After three hours over two days, I gave  up. I really liked what I played, but I just could not do it.


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Why I don’t do brand loyalty

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I am at a loss as to what game to play next. This happens when I get obsessed with a game. In this case, The Spirit Lift (prettysmart games). I was obsessed with it, and I want to parse what kind of games sink their claws into me. I will break down the games into two different categories: FromSoft games and non-FromSoft games.

FromSoft games are in a league of their own. I have a longstanding rule that I do not preorder games. Except. FromSoft. If they put out a game, I’m buying it (if I can. Still bitter over Demon’s Souls, Bloodborne, and now The Duskbloods on The Switch 2). I will say that my faith is a bit shaky with Nightreign and Armored Core VI Fires of Rubicon coming out in the last few years and now The Duskbloods.

Side note: I don’t have loyalty to brands. Our relationships are purely transactional. As long as I enjoy/like/get use out of your product, I will buy it. If standards start slipping or I no longer like your product, I will no longer buy it. That’s pretty much it.

It’s the same with FromSoft. Well, not exactly the same. I had a much more emotional connection to the ‘product’, but….

I can feel the games going out of my reach. I have known since the DLC of Dark Souls III that there would be one day I could no longer play the games. My abilities were shit to begin with, and I struggled to complete Dark Souls (my first From game). It took me roughly 150 hours to finish it (with the DLC) for the first time. I had the Prepare to Die edition, which meant it was the whole game. I remember a games journalist casually saying there was no way anyone could take a over a hundred hours to finish the game (sans DLC). He was very much, “No one is different than I am. I am the gold standard for how to play Souls games”, but even so.

I almost quit once, and I did quit for a year another time. I struggled so hard. But I kept going back to it. Ornstein and Smough killed me over a hundred times. Well over. It took me roughly seven hours (one hour a day for seven days) to kill them. Why did I stick with it? I have no idea why.

The funny thing is that they didn’t make me quit; it was the Gaping Dragon, of all bosses. It’s not a particularly difficult boss, but it has a ton of health. It’s a very tedious boss if you don’t have at least a +5 weapon–which I did not. After spending a billion hours chipping away at its health (only a slight exaggeration), I got it down to one or two hits. I stepped back to avoid an attack and–stepped into nothing. There was an abyss I guess I didn’t see, and I died a most ignomious death.

I was furious. I was used to dying–good lord, I was used to dying. I mean, it’s in the name of the edition: Prepare to Die. But not to a fucking hole in the ground. I threw the controller and gave up the game on the spot. A year later, I picked it up again. Why? I’m not quite sure, but I think it had something to do with Scholar of the First Sin coming out.


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The Spirit Lift (prettysmart games): A quick (?) look and review, part two

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I 100%ed The Spriit Lift (prettysmart games) today. The immediate feeling I had was relief. Relief that I could quit playing the game and move on with my life. This is something I hate about trying to 100% a game, by the way. How much I hate the grind and tedium by the end of the game. Dark Souls III (FromSoft) was my favorite game until Elden Ring (FromSoft again) dropped. When I went for the plat/hundo chievo, I was naive as to how much it would take out of me. By the end, I was hating the game with all my heart. And this was a game I played every day as my comfort game. When I got the plat*, I exhaled slowly, put down my controller, and did not touch the game for several months.

I did eventually pick it up again, but it was a journey. That plat was brutal and trash, by the  way. I have a completely unsubstantiated theory as to why the From plats are so terrible. It’s because Miyazaki did not want to do them, but he was pushed to do so. So he made them awful as his way of retaliating. Again, I have nothing to base this on, but it’s a theory that makes sense.

And the reason that Elden Ring‘s is a dream in comparison is because it was meant to be a mainstream hit/breakthrough. That’s not a diss on the game, by the way. It’s my favorite FromSoft game by a hair over Dark Souls III. Something can be a massive hit and still be unique to the vision of the director. I really hate people who act as if something that has mass appeal is automatically a sellout.

Ahem.

Back to this game. Here is part one to my review from yesterday. When I realized that I was close to the plat, I should have just shut down the game and walked away. Why? Because I knew what it was going to do to me. I knew that I get obsessed and my brain turns weird. I knew that I would keep on grinding until I got the two or three meaningless items I needed to get the plat.

I did not want to do it, but I knew I would.

Did I walk away? Of course I did not. I got into that flow state that I hit when I’m focused on an objective. Here’s the thing, though. With the Dark Souls III plat, I knew what I needed to do. I did not like what I needed to do, but I knew each grueling step. The worst was ten hours grinding to get a certain covenant item. Anyone who went for the plat and didn’t want to do the online PvP knows what I’m talking about.


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The Spirit Lift (prettysmart games): A quick(?) look and review

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I have been obsessed with a game for the past three weeks or so. It’s called The Spirit Lift (prettysmart games), and there’s a demo on Steam. Full disclosure: My good friend, Ian, is on the marketing team, which is how I heard of it. It’s a roguelike/lite deck-building ’90s teen-starring game that has ghosts and monsters in it, and it’s lots of fun.

I tried the demo, and I vibed with it immediately. I really dig the nineties aesthetics with the saturated colors. I also like that the teens are very diverse as far as race and ethnicity. Yes, some of them border on stereotypes as characters (the hunky jock that is obsessed about his next meal rather than any big issues; the goth girl who is miserable all the time; the nerdy photographer who is always snapping pics, but I’m fine with that.

The demo hooked me, and I bought it immedaitely. I played run after run as it had that ‘just one more run’ feel to it. Now, three weeks later, I almost have the plat. I just need to find two pieces of evidence, which is frustrating the hell out of me. I’ll get to that in a minute.

The launch trailer, which I have included below, has an appropriate grainy/scratchy VHS feel to it, which is not really what I felt playing the game itself. That’s not a slam on the game, by the way. If anything, it’s a testament to how absorbed I get when I’m playing that I don’t really pay attention to the graphics. Which are great!

Here’s the basic premise. The class of whatever year it is are paryting at the Vexington Hotel their senior year. Three of them stumble into the elevator and go floor by floor, fighting monsters along the way. Then, of course, they meet the big boss up in the penthouse, and that’s the end of the run. One run, if it goes the distance, is about forty-five minutes.

It’s funny. I would say that I’m not a turn-based kind of person. And yet, I played Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 (Sandfall Interactive) and this game. As I said to Ian, I had more fun with this game than with CO:E33. I drive people crazy when I say that one game is more fun than another while also saying that it doesn’t necessarily mean the former is a better game than the latter. Which, I admit, is jerk behavior on my part–but I have to have my fun somehow.


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