Underneath my yellow skin

Category Archives: Writing

In the in-between In My Ideal World

In my last post, I intended to talk about the little things around the big things in my life, but ended up talking about writing–which is a big thing. It’s not one of my identity issues, though, except that I’m struggling with writing fiction now in a way I never have. Before my medical crisis, I had stories in my brain all the time. I had one writer’s block that I could remember, and it was for a month. That was very tense for me, but it went after that month or so with no problem. Now, however, while I still have ideas and fragments in my brain, I don’t have the stories I used to have.

I have been mulling over an idea for a trilogy for the last year. I’ve been refining it as I go, but I can’t make it gel in a coherent whole. Acutally, I have a few different ideas (for different trilogies), and I’m trying to find a way to bring it all together. I don’t want to talk too much about it before I start writing because I find that the more I talk about my writing, the less I actually write/the worse I actually write. That’s not unique to me, by the way. A lot of writers find that if the talk too much about their writing as they’re writing, it takes the verve out of said writing.

Here’s the thing. The big things such as sexual orientation, race, gender, etc., are important, yes, but so are the spaces in between. Or the things that don’t quite fit into any one character. And they’re all connected–at least in my mind. Which I’ve discoverered might be because I’m neurodivergent.

Side note: It’s refreshing to know that I can still learn things about myself at my old age. Refreshing, but also daunting. Daunting because there is so much about myself that I would like to fix. Refreshing because apparently, you can teach an old dog new tricks!

This is one of the reasons my writing has stalled. I think that since my medical crisis, my brain has become even more wedded to the idea that everything is related. If I want to write about one thing, say, my medical crisis, then I have to start with my family dysfunction. I have to add in my Taiji practice, not to mention just my life in general.

When I start thinking of all the things I need/want to add to the story, my brain mentally gives up.

Side note: After Elden Ring came out, Ian urged mo te pitch to his editor a story about FromSoft games and my medical crisis. See, before my medical crisis, I was so hyped for Elden Ring. It was announced….before the pandemic? Or at least rumored, and then it didn’t come out. And didn’t come out.


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In My Ideal World, everything is a hot mess

In writing about writing, I am throwing pretty much all the shit against the wall and seenig what sticks. Here’s yesterday’s post. I’m at a crossroads because I have not being able to write fiction since my medical crisis. I have tried, but it just hasn’t sparkled. I have talked about how I used to have stories in my brain at all time. Now, it’s pretty quiet. I can think of stories, but I never had to think them up before. They were constantly crowding my brain.

Do I think it’s because of my stroke? I don’t know, but I think it’s possible. I was given a clean bill of health after my stroke, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t residual problems that have happened as a result of it. In addition to my reflexes being even shittier than before (ughhhhhh I dropped the cover to the ceiling light fixture in the kitchen yesterday and it shattered into a million pieces. Granted, it’s a terrible design and a terrible cover, but still), my memory is spottier. I used to have a great memory. I could remember anyone’s name after meeting them once. Well, most people. There were a few who just did not stick no matter what. In general, though, my memory was fantastic.

Now, it’s still decent for the day to day. But there are times when I have no memory of something happening. This is not unusual in my family, but it’s unusual for me. I have always been the one with a steel-trap memory. Not so much any more. I don’t care, though. Surprisingly or not, it didn’t bother me at all. I am alive and mostly healthy, which is much more important than the holes in my memory. After my medical crisis, I read about how devastating strokes can be. Oh, and sudden cardiac arrests? Well, let’s just say that most people don’t survive one of those, let alone two.

Three years after my medical crisis, I still can’t believe I’m alive. It’s surreal, and the only way I have been able to accept it is to just take it at face value. “I should be dead, but I’m alive. Yep.” And then I move on. If i think about it too much, I freak out. It’s not hyperbole to say that I should not be alive. I literally should have stayed dead after my second sudden cardiac arrest and storke. Not to mention the non-COVID-related walking pneumonia.

I should be dead. I was dead. I died twice! I don’t talk about it, but it’s something that affects me on the daily. How could I not? When I first respawned, er, regained my consciousness, and went back home, I was filled with wonder and gratitude. Every day, I woke up and marveled at the world outside my window. It was autumn, which is my second-favorite season–and it brought me to tears how beautiful the world was.


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In My Ideal World, all the little things

In talking about my new series, In My Ideal World, I realized that I wanted to talk about little things, too. Or rather, things that don’t fall neatly into identity categories. Things that are tangentially related, but not necessarily in a category of their own. Such as weddings. They are definitely related to relationships and gender identity (not to mention sexual identity), but they aren’t something I would consider necessary to any of those categories. (Here is yesterday’s post.)

And yet.

This is one of those issues that is so huge in our culture, and yet.

I’m hesitating to write how I feel about it because it’s SUCH a huge aspect of our culture (and most cultures, really). I’ll save the deeper thoughts until I’m going to write about it for real, but I’ll just say that for me personally, it’s not important. Marriage is a positive as long as it serves the couple/throuple/community, but weddings themselves? I hold no truck in them.

I do get the need for ritual and to anonuce to the world your intent. But, I don’t get why it has to be a BIG WEDDING. I know it doesn’t, but many people seem to think it does. Even people whom I consider pretty progressive seem to get stuck on this tradition.

As with many things, I’m libertarian with a small l. I wish and want people to be free to do and be who they are. As long as that doesn’t hurt other people (actually hurt them and not “hurt” them. I’ll explore that difference in future posts), have at life as they wish. Want to be in a monogamous relationship with a person of the traditionally opposite gender? Have at it! Want to have children and watch cheesy Disney movies with them? Have at it! (Well, no, don’t. Don’t support Disney!) Want to go to church on Sunday and tithe religiously? Have at it!

I mean all that, truly. No hate, no snark. Well, maybe the teensiest bit of snark. My biggest issue is that I don’t get the same accord from the normies. Believe me I know all about how being a minority means not being seen–especially when you’re in the categories I am. It makes me cranky, though, when I’m asked to show empathy to someone in the majority because I always have to think about others.

Like with marriage. I have known since I was in my twenties that I didn’t want to get married. That was Not Done, apparently. I dated a guy in my late twenties who said to me, “I know you have said you don’t want to get married, but what would you say if I proposed to you?” He also once got really excited after going to a wedding (or maybe a bachelor’s party? I can’t remember) because the couple got a toaster oven. He waxed rhapsodically about it and said jokingly (but not really) that maybe we should get married so we could get a toatser oven. I looked at him in amazement and said, “We’re adults. If we want a toaster oven, we can buy one.”


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More about In My Ideal World…and beyond

One of the weird things about my brain is that I never can just let things be. By things, I mean ideas. Part of it is because I’m heavily influenced by others (though I try not to be), but most of it is because my brain is constantly churning. In addition, I know that I don’t know everything, so there is always more for me to learn.

In this case, my learning is about–well, let’s get there the long way, per usual. My brain connects thins that most people wouldn’t think are connected. Or rather, everything is connected in my brain. It used to frustrate me when teachers wanted to talk about one thing, but not another. Such as feminism (in a feminism class), but not racism because ‘we don’t have time for that’. Which, on the one hand, I get. On the other hand, though, fuck that shit.

I realized in my early twenties that I contained multitudes. We all do, but I am talking about me specifically right now. I was Asian, bisexual, a woman (then), agnostic (then), and just Weird with a capital W. Now, I’m still Asian, bisexual but not liking that label, agender, areligious, and still fucking weird. I’m also aromantic and ethically nonmonogamous. I don’t want a long-term relationship, and I’m more interested in sex than dating at the moment.

I see all these things as connected. I was feeling interconnectivity before it was a thing. In yesterday’s post, I outlined a series I wanted to do called, In My Ideal World, in which I would take a topic and explain what I would would like to see related to that issue. I am verbose, which means I’d spend several posts on each topic. The thing that bogs me down, though, is that I don’t know how to talke about one without bringing up another.

Let me group it like this. Gender identity is linked to sexual identity loosley. Sexual identity is linked to monogamy/nonmonogamy and being aromantic. Gender is related to race. Religion is related to nothing in particular, but it’s something I could write ten-thousand words on. I have some deep wounds because of religion, and it’s taken me a long time to heal from it. I’m not completely there, but I am so much better now than I was when I first left Christianity (early twenties).

I want to find a hook that will bring them all together, but I’m not quite there. I don’t have a problem writing several disparate posts, but I would like to find a throughline.


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A new series called In My Ideal World

I have a thought running in my mind that I have revisited from time to time. It’s about how I would like things to be in my ideal world which is very different from how things are actually happening in this world. In the RKG Discord, there are two other people who identify as agender, much to my surprise and delight. There was a discussion happening about gender, and I said I could write a 5,000-word treatise on how I realized I was agender. One of them stated interest in reading said treatise if I ever wrote it, and that’s what cemented this series of posts in my mind.

Even stating the paragraph above, I feel an immediate impulse to explain myself. I didn’t realize I was agender so much as I realized that I didn’t care about gender. That the more I thought about it, the more I got confused about it. How if I had thouught about it thirty years ago, I probably would have called myself nonbinary and been done with it.

Now, however, it doesn’t fit any better than any other gender does. And I would love to explain why that is and how it’s not so much that I chose agender as much as I rejected all the other labels. Which is how I work in general. Nothing fits, so I choose the label that least doesn’t fit. Or to put it another way, I choose the label that fits the least worst.

I’ve had this issue with many different aspects of my being, and I would love to delve more deeply and thoroughly in each of them. Those would be religion (areligious), sexuality (bisexual), and gender (agender). I have thought about each of them quite a bit, and in the end, I threw up my hands and said, “That’s good enough.”

I get frustrated because I think so hard about each of these issues. With religioun, it was pretty easy for me to say that I wasn’t religious, but to which degree? I’m not arrogant enough to believe that I can say for sure there’s nothing out there. Plus, it’s hard to believe there’s absolutely nothing when the fact that humans exist speak to the contrary.

I believe there’s some kind of greater being/entity/collective, but–and I’m going to leave that there because this post is about the structure of the series, not delving into the isuses themselves. Consider that a teaser of things to come.


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Firm writing goals for this year

Goals. That is what is on my mind right now. In the last post, I started actually talking about my goals for this year. I delved into the issues I was having, including the fact that my fiction writing has dried up.

I don’t think this means that it’s gone completely, though. I think I just have to rethink how I actually write now. It used to be so easy. I would get the idea in my head–

Side note: I don’t use outlines. I may have to in the future, but I haven’t up to this point. Yes, I know that this is the accepted way to do things, but it never worked for me. What usually happened was that I would get an idea in my head and let it percolate for days or weeks. I write murder mysteries (or at least mysteries. Usually murder was included), and I would start with the main character. Not a private detective, but a normie who stumbled their way into a situation, much like Jessica Fletcher. I usually wrote trilogies because that seemed to be the right amount of time with a protagonist.

Once I had the protag, then I came up with the victim. In doing so, the perp usually sprang to mind as well. I doen’t think I’ve ever changed the perp as I was writing, but I have changed circumstances, relationships, and almost everything else.

As I wrote yesterday, I know my strengths and weaknesses as a writer. Strengths: characterization and dialogue. Weakness: descriptions and transitions. I don’t like the latter two in part beacuse I can see everything in my mind, so why couldn’t everyone else?

I can be super self-indulgent about dialogue or world-building because those are the things I enjoy. I can write for pages about psychology and relationships, and I have to take a sterner hand with those. On the other hhand, I struggle with describing physical things other than in a “She has black hair and large brown eyes” kind of way. I envy people who can make the descriptions flow, but I just cannot.

Side note: I have to start considering that the reason I can’t write fiction the way I used to is because of my medical crisis. It didn’t affect me much in my day-to-day, but there were things that were affected that maybe I wasn’t able to see until later.

Such as: I have almost no peripheral awareness now. My eyesight is not as good as it used to be. My reflexes are shit(tier). All of these could just be because I’m getting older, but I think at least two of them (peripheral and reflexes) are a direct result of my medical crisis. Obviously, I can’t say for sure. I am not a doctor. I know what I experienced, but I don’t know what it actually did to my body.


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Goals that I most definitely will meet this year

I still want to talk about my goals for this year. In the last post, I mostly talked about my medical crisis that reshaped my life. Nothing is too hyperbolic to state about that experience. And it’s not something I can talk about with many people because it’s just not relatable at all.

The more time that passes, the less it stays in the front of my mind. Don’t get me wrong. I’m always aware of it, but it’s slowly become just a part of me. I don’t need to think about it as it’s embedded in the fabric of my being. As I would say that I’m Taiwanese American, bi, agender, and bisexual (not to mention areligious),  I would add that I died twiec and came back to life, better than even. Sure, there were a few netgative side effects, but for the most part, I’m fine.

That’s what blows my mind when I think about it too much, but I don’t do that these days.

I want to write about the experience, but I’m grappling with how to do it. Sure, others can relate to having a life-changing experience K thinks I can focus on that and the history behind it rather than the actual experience.

But here’s the thing. The actual experience is the attention-getter. Sure, other people have had had near-death experiences, but I have yet to find anything similar to mine. I would definitely have to rely on other hooks–dysfunctional family, how I overcame it, etc.

But it’s been burning in my mind since it happened. I want to write about it; I just don’t know how to do it. Part of the problem is that at the time, my mother was pushing me to write a movie script about it. When I demurred, she got upset and almost angry, saying it would be such an inspiration to other people. As if that was my duty–which in her mind, it is. My duty, I mean.

Ever since I was a child, she never considered me a person in my own right. I was supposed to be a mini-me of her–but it’s worse than that. I wasn’t supposed to be like she was as a person; I was supposed to be the ideal version of herself.

So all of that would have to be in the memoir in order for it to make any sense at all. I have no problem writing about my past, but I don’t know how to structure this memoir. That is my isuse.


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Actual goals this year

In my last post, I was going to talk about my goals for this year, but mostly went on and on about what my medical crisis was like. Which is in part because it’s the most important thing that happened to me. It changed my life in many ways, even though in some ways, it didn’t change a thing.

It’s not something I talk about much or often, which is part of the problem. Someone can’t really know me if they don’t know about that experience because it has left an indelible mark on me. At the same time, I hesitate bringing it up because no one can relate to it. This is not hyperbole. I researched situtions like mine, and I could not find a single one. It’s hard to find someone who has survived one cardiac arrest and/or stroke without side effects, let alone two cardiac arrests, an ischemic stroke, and walking (non-COVID-related) pneumonia.

I could not find any groups for people like me–not even close. K suggested I go to a group for people who went through any kind of medical crisis, but I would not want to make other people feel bad. My issue is not dealing with the ramifications of the crisis itself (difficulty walking, talking, thinking, etc.), but dealing with the fact that I’m still alive when I shouldn’t be.

The chaplain I talked to in the hospital asked if I ever asked, “Why me?” about the experience. I told him candidly no because why not me? I didn’t take great care of myself, smoked a few cigarettes a day, was fairly sedentary except for my Taiji routine, and had bronchial/immune system issues. For whatever reason, I have never thught of myself as exempt from bad things happening to me the way other people seem to do.

I did mention that I hoad some survivor’s guilt. At the time, I thought there was a young woman–in her early twenties–who was on my same floor and had COVID. Her family did not believe in thevaccine and she died from it–along with her mother. I realized months later that this never happened, but at the time when I was talking with the chaplain (which I’m pretty sure did happen), it was a reality to me.

I told him that I thought she should have lived instead of me because she was young and had so much of her life ahead of her. I, on the other hand, was nearer to the end of my life than the start and hadn’t really contributed anything to the world. I wasn’t being self-deprecating; it’s true. In a global sense, I mean. Whether I live or die doesn’t really matter. Especially now.

I want to change that now. I’m in my 53rd rotation on this earth. I probably have less than that left in me. If I’m going to do anything with my life, the time is now. I have had a few ideas in my mind for writing projects, and I’m not getting any younger.

Side note: I’m a very good writer. I am shitty at editing and holdinwg myself accountable. I said this yesterday. I have never had a problem with NaNoWriMo because 50,000 words a month is a sneevze to me. I can do that in my sleep. Again, that’s not a humblebrag or a brag–it just is.


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Squad goals for a new year

Yesterday was my birthday. I have been on this earth for 53 years, and I should have died for good 2 1/2 years ago. I don’t really consider my birthday my birthday any longer beacuse I was reborn on another day. That wouldbe September 3rd, 2021. More pragmatically, it should be a week later when I woeke up for good, but I preferred to mark it as the day I had my two cardiac arrests and a stroke. Not to mention walking (non-COVID-related) pneumonia.

I died twice that night and slipped into a coma. I was not expected to wake up, and my brother was told that he probably should start planning for my funeral. Also, he was told to start thinking about whether to pull the plug or not, which still haunts me to this day. That’s a decision that no one should have to make, and i hated the idea that he had to think about it at all.

We had talked about it before. Not  directly about pulling the plug, but about Whether or not we’d want to live without any brain activity. I was emahatic that I did not want to because Terry Schiavo was one of my worst night mares. Her body being kept alive for nearly two deacdes (I believe) because her parents wanted it still haunts me. I would not want that, plus it’s a waste of time, energy, and resources.

I will admit that I was surprised they were talking about it that soon (less than a week after I was rushed to the hospital), but it was probably because I was so far gone and was not expected to live. Recentlry, my mother told me about the scale they used to determine how bad it was with a person in a coma (Glasgow Coma Scale). It’s a point system, and they assign diffrenet points to how alert you are.

My mother brought it up because someone in her church was in a coma. 3 was the lowest you could get and still be alive. There were three categories, so it was 1 per category. She couldn’t remember what my score was, but she was pretty sure it was very low. I was not responding to external stimuli, and my medical team was very worried about me.

Side note:  I am very sensitive to meds because I’m Asian. This is a thing, but doctors don’t seem to know it. My brother tried to tell my doctors that might be part of the issue, but they were not paying attention.

Trulyy, I should have stayed dead. My medical team were diplomatic about it, but they basically told my brother there was no hope. this still messes with my brain sometimes.

I used up all my luck in that one event. I don’t deserve any more because it was a huge ask. But, that doesn’t mean that I don’t want a little luck in other ways. Sometimes I get it and sometimes I don’t. With my latest personal tragedy, I would have given up several years of my life not to have to go through it–yet. It would have happened at some point, but my god. I just can’t deal with it.

I was very lucky in that I have not had many negative effects from my medical crisis. What has been impacted, I chalk up as a fair trade-off. My peripheral vision, which has never been good, is almost nonexistent now. My refelxes are worse than before–and they were never great. My memory which used to be stellar went haywire with the medical crisis. Part of that was probably the drugs, too. Now, my memory is better than it was was when I first got out of the hospital, but not as good as it used to be back in my youth.

The last point could also partly be because of age. Memory gets worse as you get older, obviously.

The one thing I’m worried about is my ability to write fiction. I can still write posts, obviously, but I’m struggling with the fiction. I can picture what I want to write about, but it just doesn’t flow the way it used to. Before my medical crisis, I had stories in my head all the time. Now, I don’t have them at all. I have ideas, but not the full stories.

I have two ideas that  Iwould like to write. One is based on my experience in the hospital which was wild. I was high as a kite and everything  ithought I was happening probably didn’t. I have tales about that time that would curl your hair–if they actually happneed.

Of course, I did not realize at the time that it was me being delusional. I didn’t figure that out until months after  Ireturned home. Some of it like the testing happneed, but others such as two cabals did not.

I hope I can write fiction at some point. I have tried and gotten about fifty pages in more than once before giving up. I had two different ideas, and now I have threee in part beacuse of my personal tragedy. I ‘m wornderiing if  Ican combine the three and see if it makes any coherent sense. I would be really unhappy if my ability to write fiction was gone completely.

Is it worth it? Well, yes, of course. I mean, I’m alive. There really isn’t a better alternative to that. But I’m frustrated beacuse I used to write fiction with ease. I’ve written dozen of novels in the past. Writing is easy for me; it’s editing that is my weak point.

Swear to god, I’m not humblebragging or bragging when I say that. I have always been able to write prolifically and easily. my rule was to write a thousand to two thousand word post a day and two thousand words of fiction. that’s thee thousand a words a day, and it was never a problem.

When I started doing NaNoWriMo, I met the goal with ease. It was never a problem so I started setting other goals for myself. Then, NaNo Rebels started, which was what I was doing from the beginning.

I’m done for now. More tomorrow.

Goals for 2024

Let’s talk goals. I want to cook more, thus the slow cooker/crockpot as I mentioned a few days ago. It’s still in its box.I bought the ingredients needed for corn potato chowder, so I’ll get to that this weekend. We’re supposed to get 2-4 inches of snow today (downgraded from 4-7, per usual), and a chowder would be perfect for this weather.

1. My memoir. I have been trying to write this ever since I got out of the hospital. The problem is that I get bogged down in the history of my family and all the dysfunction. It’s hard to know what to include and what not to include. The problem is that I can’t talk about my medical crisis without including that. It’s the context needed. But it’s so complicated.

Here’s the thing. As traumatic as my medical crisis was, it really…wasn’t. What I mean is that on the daily, it didn’t really hinder me. My parents were here and my mother cooked, did the laundry, and cleaned Shadow’s litter. Those were the three things I–I could have done them, but it was just easier not to. To be brutally honest, though I would much rather have struggled to do those than to have my parents here.

This is mostly what the memoir is going to be about. I feel like it’s bait-and-switch, though. If the memoir is supposed to be about my medical crisis, then that’s what it should be about. However, it’s just not that interesting. I mean, the event itself was shocking and a once in a lifetime experience.

My time in the hospital was also wild and something that is hard to explain. I was delusional the whole time because I was high on very strong drugs. At least one chapter if not more will be about my experiences in the hopsital.

I feel like I want to start with that day. I mean, what else matters, really? Plus, it makes a banger of an intro. What a hell of a start, really. Me dying twice and being in a coma for a week. It doesn’t get much more high octane than that.

Then again, do I want to just throw readers into the deep end like that? Well, yes. That tends to be my style. Just get the big stuff out of the way. Plus, it’s a bit of a flex to hit them with a ‘yeah, I died. What of it?’ start.

It’s difficult because my brain is very much do its own thing. Things make sense in my head, but I can’t necessarily explain them to other people. It’s frustrating as fuck. I can make the logical connecttion in my brain, but not on paper or in words.

It was the same in math. I could do things in my head that the teacher wanted me to write on paper. It really bothered me because it was simple shit like multiplication or addition. He was a terrible teacher and everyone hated him. He killed my love for math.

This is my priority in 2024. Write my damn memoir. Finally. I have started it so many times, but then I just give up. i want a decent worknig draft by the end of the year.


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