LGBTQ Issues | A Banana Peeled

More about labels and why I fucking hate them, part two

Posted on March 24, 2026 by Minna Hong • 0 Comments

In my last post, I was going to talk about why I didn’t like labels, but pretty much only talked about Guess vs. Ask culture and sexism. Both of those are very important and related to the topic at hand, but they weren’t what I wanted to focus on; I’m going to try again. Oh, and I wanted to include why labels are important, but I never even got close to that.

Here are the lablels I have reluctantly chosen for myself: Asian/Taiwanese American; PoC; bisexual/queer; agender; areligious; and ENM. I would also say I’m aromantic, but that’s not something I consider a necessary part of my identity. Let’s add neurospicy to that list.

I don’t like PoC. I don’t know what I would use instead, though, as I have not liked any of the other terms for minorities. Multicultural was fine, but not really an apt description. Plus, I don’t feel an alliance with other PoC because when people use that term, they usually just mean Black people. Taiwanese American is the best fit here.

Sexual identity: queer is my first choice. But, again, unfortunately most people assume it means gay. We leave in such a binary world; it’s really disheartening to me. I still call myself queer, but if I need to be more specific, I will reluctantly use bi. I’m not happy about it, and I’ve never really liked it. Especially now that there are more than two genders, it’s not the best. I and other bi people tend to use it as ‘people like me and people not like me’, but that’s a lot of explaining to do when talking with nonqueers about it. I used to joke that I would rather just call myself sexual and be done with it.

Also, when I first came out thirty years ago, there was a strong push to emphasize that bis didn’t want to fuck everyone just because we could, in theory, do so. I get it. Respectability was a big issue back then (still is, but in a different way). Queer people really wanted to emphasisze being just like straight people except for who we loved.

Which, yeah, I get it. Racial minorities also have that strong impulse. It makes sensre to a certain extent. You want to emphasize the similarities because that’s a good way to create bonds. This has always been the tension within a minority group–to try to be as like the majority as possible or outright rebel.

There are people who can pass and people who can’t. There are people who could pass, but choose not to. It’s a spectrum, really, and I fall more on the ‘can pass’ side as long as I don’t act up. Heh. This is in gender identity. People assume I’m a woman because of my big boobs and long hair. At this point because of the terrible mess that is my country, I’m just going to leave it at that.

Reciprocity is sorely lacking

Posted on January 22, 2026 by Minna Hong • 0 Comments

My empathy has run completely out.

Back story: all my life, I have been made to feel I’m lesser than. I’m in so many categories that just get overlooked or ignored, especially in a binary world. I’m Asian (not black or white); bisexual (not gay or straight); areligious (not Christian, any other religion, or an atheist); Gen X (not Boomer or Millennial); and now, agender/genderqueer (not male, female, or nonbinary).

Some of the categories cause others to view me as deficient, such as not having children. I don’t like to say childless or childfree because both of those still focus on the status (in this case a lack thereof) of having children.

I’ve been told implicitly or explicitly that my issues don’t matter as much and that I need to focus on other people. I did not mind taking people’s such as for Christmas so they could celebrate with their families (I don’t celebrate Christmas), but I did not like people feeling entitled to me covering their shifts. Nor did I get any reciprocity.

That’s my big issues. I have been told all my life I have to support this minority and that without anyone returning the favor. Being bi has gotten me shit from both straights and gays. Being Asian and Gen X gets me ignored. I don’t mind as much with agender and areligious beacuse I don’t even understand exactly what I mean by them. They’re more placeholders thaan actual labels.

Still.

I read an article about how the Somali immigrants are suffering locally (for many reasons. I don’t want to get into them right now, but suffice it to say that xenophobia is high on the list of reasons why). In fact, they are the first target for ICE with Latinos in second place (as far as I can tell).

The article I was reading focused on one woman who had owned her own small business, but has lately had to pick up gigging to make ends meet. People are not going out right now, what with ICE doing their ICE-iest best (or worst) to fuck up my state. Small business is down 60%. Anyiway, this woman said that when she heard Trump say he was going to be good for the economy (business) and against LGBTQ+ issues, she voted for him.

I did a record scratch when I read that. I mean, those were the two things specifically mentioned so I had to assume that both were very important to her. And if that was the case, then fuck her. She went on to say she felt guilty as if she bought the gun that killed her family, but I had completely shut down by then.

I’m supposed to feel empathy for someone who voted specifically to get rid of people like me?

Here’s the thing, though. Once my anger faded (which was about a minute later), I did feel sympathetic towrds her. No matter her thoughts and beliefs, it still sucked what she was going through.

Labels have limited use, part two

Posted on November 2, 2025 by Minna Hong • 0 Comments

In yesterday’s post, I was listing all the labels I use that are close enough, but not quite. I acknowledge the need for labels, but I don’t like them. Not in the deceptive ‘no labels, but, really, labels, but no, we won’t call them labels’ way of certain billionaires in this country.

I pretty much listed all the labels that I have used reluctantly. I’m scanning to think if there are others. I will say that I call myself fat without reservation. I am not chubby, zaftig, plump, or fluffy. I am fat, and I have no issues with that. I don’t see it as a bad thing, and I have worked hard to reclaim it. I now see it as neutral, and it amuses me when people rush to assure me that I’m not fat. Yes, I am, and I am not upset about it.

I understand the need for labels, but I think that we have to remember that they are not still shots of a person. They are living, breathing things, and they can change over time. I think that’s another way people can get tripped up–in thinking that identity is static. Or that if one aspect of a person’s identity changes, the prior ones are null and void.

Now, of course, there are times when this is true. Or rather, when a person’s change in identity is permanent and complete. Like me and Christianity. Once I realized what a fraud it was (at least the version I was indoctrinated with), I wanted nothing more to do with it. I have not changed my mind at all about that, and I highly doubt I ever will.

When it comes to my gender identity, though, it’s squishier. I have always known that I’m not very womanly. Many of the things I prefer to do are coded male, as is the way I dress. However, my hair is down to my mid-thighs, and I would grow it longer if I could. I have huge boobs, and I definitely read as female. My voice, on the other hand, is masculine. Deep as fuck, and I constantly get called ‘sir’ on the phone.

In college, I used to cut my hair every four months or so. I would just go to my hair dresser and tell her to do whatever she wanted. She never steered me wrong, and she gave me some great haircuts. One time, I went for a super-short cut (think Rachel Maddow) and wore a long black trenchcoat when I walked around the campus. I got mistaken for a guy from the back, which never bothered me.

The core of my identity is “fuck it! That’s close enough”

Posted on November 1, 2025 by Minna Hong • 0 Comments

Let’s talk gender identity. This is something I’ve thought a lot about in the last five years or so. I’ve never felt a burning need to identify with ‘woman’; it was just the easiest way to define myself. It’s the gender/sex I was born into, and it was…fine. At least, if I did not look too closely at it. Once I gave it more than two minutes of thought, though, it all fell apart.

I’m going to be completely frank here. When I think of gender as it relates to myself, I come up empty. I have heard/read people who identify deeply with their gender and how important it is to them. I can accept that it’s a vital core of their identity; I just wish others could accept that about me as well. Meaning, my lack of attachment to my birth gender. And I wish that it weren’t so threatening.

But that’s me in general. I think a lot about many issues. I go deep, research, get obsess, and then I throw up my hands and go, “Fuck! That’s close enough, I guess” because nothing fits exactly.

Let me quickly run down the list.

1. Bisexual. I tried on pansexual and omnisexual (hey, this was thirty years ago), but I did not like either of those. Honestly, my favorite is queer, but people invariably think gay (both gays and straights) when they hear queer. Nowadays, I use bi out of habit, and I think of it is ‘people like me and people not like me’ when it comes to gender, but it’s very much an “eh, it’ll do” label rather than one I embrace or one that fits.

2. Areligious. I used agnostic for awhile. I never liked atheist because that’s way too arrogant and confident for me. I did feel like there is something out there, but my medical crisis showed me that ultimately, it doesn’t matter what it is. My mother and I used to argue about free will versus predeterminism all the time, and I could never wrap my brain around the concept that an all-knowing god allowed us free will. I mean, if He (in her religion, it’s a He) knows what I’m going to do before I do it, then it’s not free will, is it?

I had a friend who was Jewish. She wrote an article about how she believed god was all-loving, but not all-knowing. It was a fascinating article, and while I couldn’t quite accept that, either, it made much more sense than my mother’s version of god.

At some point, I realized that I was tired. And I just did not care if there was a god or not because that god had no affect on my life. If pressed, I would say that I believed there was something that was bigger than all of us, but it’s not something that directs the day-to-day goings on so I just let it be.

I used ‘apathetic’ for some time to describe my religious belief before stumbling on areligious. Once I read up on the latter, I knew that was for me. I just don’t care about religion (for me), and that’s that.

How to self-soothe on a hard, painful day

Posted on November 7, 2024 by Minna Hong • 0 Comments

We’re fucked.

America is fucked, I mean.

We’ve had (arguably) our good days, but those are behind us now.

The divide is growing day by day, and we should not be a country, anyway. We are fifty different mini-countries, and even within each state, there are vast differences. In Minnesota, for example, the Twin Cities are extremely blue as is the suburb in which I live. There are a sprinkle of other cities that are blue, too, but everywhere else is red. Are red? Not blue, in any case. This is the case in may states around the country.

Trump as a candidate has exposed the lie that is our democratic system. Presidents have very little actual accountability, and they are held in line mostly by social construct and pressure.

I’m so tired. I have said in the past that I did not come back from the dead (twice) to deal with this bullshit. It’s also really hard for me to swallow that a hefty portion of the country I live in wants me dead or to put it more mildly, to disappear. Or for me to change who I am.

I’m incredibly ‘lucky’in that I can hide some of the things about myself that would make me a target and the other ones aren’t as, ah, problematic as some others. Me being Asian? Probably not that dangerous, especially as I was born here. I do get mistaken for Chinese, which can be bad or good, depending. I can let my gender slide and not make it a big deal. I don’t have to deal with my lack of religion being an issue, either. I don’t live in an area that will punish you for that, thankfully.

I can mask, is what I’m sayying. I’m close to not having to care about abortion for myself (going through menopause, and I think I’m at the late stages of it). Yes, I’m trying to find the silver lining in a very dark cloud. The problem is that when I look at the bigger picture, it’s pretty grim. All the sensible Republicans have left the party, and I don’t blame them. The problem is that many of them did not cross the aisle, but just remained in the land of ‘undecided’.

I’m so depressed right now. not just depressed, but also incandescently angry. What the fuck is wrong with this country? That’s partly rhetorical, but it’s also a pain that hits me deep in my solar plexus. I know that I’m an outsider. I know that I’m not wanted. But to have it slapped in my face so brutally was not what I needed nor wanted.

We’ve broken the social contract. You know the one. It’s the contract that says we pretend to get along with each other and not notice (again, pretending) when someone commited a faux pas. I’m not saying those were good times (they weren’t), but tehy were at least tolerable times.

A mélange, a potpourri, and an olio–but mostly Lil Nas X

Posted on March 31, 2021 by Minna Hong • 0 Comments

My brain has been jumping all over the place and my sleep has sucked, so this post is going to meander more than usual. I’m going to pull back the curtain a bit on how I write posts. Not on the writing itself because that’s usually just put down whatever is in my brain. No, it’s about how I decide what to write about. Normally, there’s something pressing on my brain and I let that flow from my fingers until I’ve said all I need to say on the subject or until I lose interest. Sometimes, it’s both, but sometimes it’s one or the other.

In the past few weeks, I’ve been struggling with my concentration for reasons I don’t want to get into. Suffice to say, it’s not as easy to get shit done as it used to be. Most of the time, I just grit my teeth and force myself to write the post. It may not be as long as it normally is or very good, but I get it done, damn it. Today, however, I’m going to write about whatever is on my mind with no attempt at coherency. Here we go.

Lil Nas X. I didn’t know he existed until yesterday when I read something about Satan Shoes, his new kicks. That he’s selling. Oh, and he’s a rapper? Singer? Both? Anyway, there are 666 pairs and they contain drops of human blood. That’s all I knew when I made this tweet:

*sees ‘human blood’ and ‘Satan shoes’ and Googles*

*immediately feels old and tired*

I’m not offended or shocked. Just embarrassed for him.

— Minna Hong (@asiangrrlMN) March 28, 2021

Sexuality is a Meaningful Part of the Whole

Posted on October 12, 2016 by Minna Hong • 0 Comments

Yesterday was National Coming Out Day. I’m a bad bi because I didn’t know, as I didn’t know that September 23^rd was Celebrate Bisexuality Day. I don’t generally care about holidays, no matter if they relate to me or not*, so I don’t keep up on all these additional ones. The only reason I knew about today’s was because I saw some of my tweeples tweeting about it, including one particular obnoxious tweet. Not my tweeple, but he was commenting on said dumbass tweet. I was going to embed the tweet, but the original tweeter has deleted it. In essence, it said that I am: followed by straight, gay, bisexual, a person, with a check mark in front of ‘a person’. It was followed up with the statement, “Your sexuality is only a small part of who you are.’ The original tweeter, named DitchtheLabel, obviously got a lot of shit for it because s/he deleted the tweet. I do understand what DtL was trying to say–we are more than just the labels we give ourselves. We are whole human beings, yadda yadda yadda, but that’s not possible in a country in which there are still laws that oppress us, people who still hate us, and our queer youth still very vulnerable for being kicked out of their houses and/or being bullied.

I would imagine that most queers would be elated if our queerness was not a point of contention or a reason for people wanting to kill us. If we could just go about our lives without having to worry about losing our jobs or being attacked. As I tweeted back, we queers know we are people, but there are others who refuse to accept that. Until they do, we’ll keep reminding them. Loudly. In other words, it’s not us who are putting the emphasis on our sexuality, but the people who hate or fear us. They’re the ones who only see us in terms of who we fuck, even though THAT is just a small part of our sexuality. Well, I should only speak for myself. I love sex more than is probably seemly, but whether I’m fucking a man or a woman is such a small portion of that sex.

I’ll get back to that in a second.

Category Archives: LGBTQ Issues