Underneath my yellow skin

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FromSoft games and me, part two

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In the last post, I talked about whether or not I was actually good at FromSoft games. In doing so, I neglected to say that I was terrible at the first Dark Souls when I started playing it. You have to understand that I was fairly new to video games. The first ‘hardcore’ game I played (as opposed to casual games) was Torchlight (Runic Games), which I absolutely loved. Then I played Diablo III (Blizzard), and Borderlands and the sequel (Gearbox), which did not prepare me in the least for Dark Souls.

Ian’s brother mentioned this new game called Dark Souls to him, saying it was incredible, but hard as nails. By the time I got around to playing it, the Prepare to Die edition was out, which included the DLC, Artorias of the Abyss. It was the first time I played a game with a controller, which made it doubly difficult. I went in without reading anything about it because I wanted to go in pure–and because I heard that’s the best way to play the game. That means I did not know anything about builds or the best way to do things or, well, anything.

I started as a Pyro because I love fire. The Pyro has a Hand Axe as a starting weapon, so I’m partial to axes. I love a good axe in a game. I just started a new game as I’m writing this post. I’m past the Taurus Demon in a flash, but I always play the same way. It’s funny, actually. I didn’t realize this until now, but you can only have 10 characters at the same time. I had to override one character to create a new one. I always choose Pyro as a starting character with the Master Key as my starting gift.

I get the Drake Sword and the Zwei from the start. I use the Drake Sword until I  have the stats to use the Zwei, and then that’s my weapon for the rest of the game. I get the staff and the early sorcery to get me through the beginning while I build up my pyro repertoire. Then, I grind a bit so I can use the Zwei soon after defeating the Gargs with the Drake Sword. Plus, I want to get all my pyros and upgrade the flame hand as quickly as possible. Not fully, though, as that takes so many souls. 340,500 souls to be precise. Which I did on my first playthrough.


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Am I good at FromSoft games?

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I love FromSoft games, but they do not love me back. This is the story of my life, by the way. Because of how I was raised, I want those who do not want me. That’s not this post so I will not get into it. I’m just saying that I am most comfortable with being ignored or told that I’m wrong/worthless/only useful for very specific things (like listening endless to other people’s problems). None of this was explicitly stated, but it manifested in very negative ways. It didn’t help that it was echoed by society in general as I’m a minority in several different categories–and most of them are categories in which my designation is roundly (and soundly ignored). Asian, areligious, agender, bisexual, etc.

It’s interesting because in the first year or two after my death (twice), I had the most self-confidence/self-esteem I’ve had in all my life. I didn’tcare what anyone else thought and shrugged off being a weirdo. Caveat, I’ve always been fine with being a weirdo, but I was never as comfortable with it as I was during those two years. It’s slipped a bit since then. Or rather, my anxiety and depression has come back a bit. My depression had shrunk by roughly 90% and my anxiety by 60%. In other words, I had about 10% of the depression I used to have and approximately 40% of the anxiety. For someone who has had really bad and chronic depression and anxiety all my life, that was remarkable. Now, I would say my depression has risen by about 25% and my anxiety about 10%?

It’s hard to tell right now because I’m processing a personal tragedy, but I noticed the slide in my mental health before the crisis. I have a few things I want to do with my life, but my enjoyment for doing one of those things is almost gone. Writing fiction, I mean. Or rather, my enthusiasm for it is not gone, but I seem to have lost my ability to do it well.

Am I being too hard on myself? Maybe. I tend to be. But I feel like I’m wasting this second lease on life that I have.

Anyway. Back to From games. In the RKG Discord, I’m constantly talking down my abilities. Not consciously and not in a ‘woe is me’ kind of way, but because I think I’m truly terrible at this game. A friend of mine gently questioned me about it because as she pointed out, I’ve actually done them. Which is a good point, but–ok, look. This is how I’ve explained this to people. If you put me in the gen pop, then I’m aces at the games. If you’re talking about the FromSoft community, I would say that I’m mediocre at best. And I have always felt that I’ve been hitting my head against my own ceiling (of abilities). Putting Sekiro aside (because that’s beyond me now), I have found a way to beat all the games. And I’ve soloed all the bosses in all the Souls games (except the gank squad bosses in the DLCs for the second game) and all of them in the base game of Bloodborne.


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Stronk chonk is bonking

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my strength character with no clothes and a big hammer
Chonking and bonking! Nekkid.

I’m still exhausted from the flu shot, but I don’t want to talk about that. I’m bored with being exhausted, so let’s talk about Elden Ring (FromSoft) instead. I’ve been doing a strength run which I have never done before. I’ve done strengthcaster builds before, but not a pure strength build. To be completely honest, I I did put three tiny levels into faith. Very tiny. Barely bumped it. But it allows me to use Poison Mist and Flame Cleanse Me. The former is a great way to kill bosses v-e-r-y slowly. The latter is for curing Poison or Scarlet Rot. That is very necessary in the game. Yes, you can craft bolluses that do the same thing, but why when you only need 12 faith to use the incantation?

To put it in perspective, I have 45 in Vigor. That’s nearly 3 times the amount I had in my first playthrough up to this point. Last night, I went up against

*SPOILERS*

Radahn, Starscourge Radahn, to be more precise. Let me set the scene for you. The first time I fought him, I had 18 Vigor. That is not good. This is about a third of the way through the game, and you should have about 30 health at the minimum. Health is vigor. I know this. This is the way you play these games. You can do whatever you want with your levels, but you really should have plenty of vigor. With only 18 Vigor, Radahn could one-shot me with his opening arrows. It was, shall we say, not fun. 

Let me back up and say that at the beginning of this fight, you have to traverse across the sands in order to even get to him. It’s very long. Very long. Using my shield can block it, but that takes up all my energy. Stamina. Which I also didn’t level up. Look. There are eight stats. Vigor, endurance, mind, strength, dexterity, intelligence, faith, and arcane. Because I wanted to use all the spells and incantations, I needed to level up Mind (how much FP/mana/blue bar I had), Intelligence (sorceries), Faith (incantations), and Arcane (ah, not exactly sure what this does, but Google tells me finding items, so luck. But you need it for some incantations, too). That doesn’t leave much for anything else.

I always skimp on Vigor and Endurance in these games. Always. If I had all the levels in the world, of course I would up Vigor. But I don’t. And in Elden Ring, you can get flasks back by beating groups of enemies, so Vigor is not as important. At least, that’s my theory, and I’m sticking to it. It served me fairly well in my first playthrough, but, yeah. 18 Vigor was skimpy, even for me. I managed to limp along with that tiny tiny health bar for over a hundred hours by patching together techniques. Mostly, zapping from afar.


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