Underneath my yellow skin

Tag Archives: heat

The numbness of extremes

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I hate the summer. I hate it for so many reasons. The main reason in the heat, but I also hate allergies, bugs, and humidity. Last night at ten or so, it was 89 degrees, ‘feels like’ 103. At the peak of the heat, it was 107 ‘feels like’ 118. Right now, it’s 95 ‘feels like’ 105. We get up to the hundreds once or twice a summer, but this is unreal. I get that the heat index wasn’t faithfully tracked even a decade ago, but this is still hotter than we normally get for a prolonged period of time.

The thing is, though, at a certain point, it just doesn’t matter. Such as when it’s really cold, -20 verrsus -40 doesn’t really matter. The body only feels up to a certain point and then…look. It’s like the bell curve. You have the norm and then most of the deviation is near the norm. Then, as you get farther out, the deviations are much less.

I am on the fringes of those deviations. When my brother asks my opinion on some marketing thing, he always prefaces it with, “I know this won’t work with you, but would it work on normal people?” I don’t take offense because I am most emphatically not normal and normal marketing does not work on me. I don’t care about being in or keeping up with the Joneses. I don’t have FOMO for the most part, and i am not loyal to any brand.

There are brands I like, of course, such as Logitech for tech accessories, but if the quality went down, I would change to something else. Media-wise, I will always buy a FromSoft game on release (maybe even pre-order!), but that’s because they are quality games that I love. Armored Core VI Fires of Rubicon is coming out on Friday and while big mechs are not my thing, I am buying it because it’s FromSoft.

I am very much a function over form kind of person. I want something to work. I’m sure there are things that get by me because everyone has their weak point, but in general, I am impervious to marketing. Here’s the reason why. I need things to be scent/perfume/allergen-free. So I’m going to get the detergeant/soap that is clean no matter what. I don’t care about the brand–I jsut need it to be clean.

Same with food. I can’t ea’t gluten or dairy, so those foods are completely off my radar. Then there’s onion and garlic. I can have a bit, but not much. This is tragic as an Asian person. At this point in my life, though, I don’t even notice it any longer. I automatically scan for anything I can’t eat and place it in the ‘not for me’ category. Then I don’ tthink about it any longer.


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Dog days of summer

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I hate summer.

Have a nice day!

No, that’s not the end of it–it’s just the start.

I hate summer, and I hate it even more every year.  That’s because of climate change, obviously. It’s getting hotter and more brutal every year.

My comfort zone is under 60F. 60-70 is ok, and anything over 70 makes me unhappy. Over 80 and I get very grumpy. If we hit 90, I am going to be actively angry. Especially if there is humidity as well. But, don’t tell me “at least it’s a dry heat” if we’re over 90 because it’s still fucking hot.

That’s what people would tell me about Las Vegas when it got up to 110 and above. “But it’s a dry heat.” That’s still nearly twice the temp that is comfortable for me. I do undrestand that at a certain point, it’s just fucking hot. It’s the same with when it gets really cold. -10 and -20 don’t feel that much different, really.

The thing is, 90 and 100 may not feel that different, but they both suck. This last week, we had ‘feels like’ 110 or so. It was hotter here than in Taiwan, which is astounding. I went to Menards the other day (first time driving on the freeway in almost a year! It was better than the last time, but I still have periphery issues), and it was like wading through a sludgy swamp.

I have a mini-rant on trying to replace my kitchen sink faucet handle, but I’ll save it for another day.

One reason I will not move somewhere else is because we have winter for six months of the year. That’s a slight exaggeration, but not much. We start having winter-like weather in late October, and it can go through April. Sometimes, even May. It’s usually March, but that’s still six months.

Today, it’s only 74 degrees. It’s still too hot for me, but it’s a relief after the 90+ we’ve had in the past few days. I’ve been blasting my air at 75 degrees. That feels luxurious to me, but apparently, I am in the minority. In a recent Ask A Manager thread, there were people who were adamant that setting the AC at 74 was torturous. (Too high). That really surprised me because even though I don’t like it that hot, I don’t like AC at that temp, either. Fake cold air all day long is not good.

But.

When I’m doing my Taiji routine in the morning, I have it at 75. When I go to bed at night, the same. Otherwise, I have it at 78. I think that’s reasonable.


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I hate summer

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I hate the summer.

The end.

Kidding. But not really.

Summer is everything I hate in the world, writ large. Let’s start with heat. To me, anything over 60 is too hot. But, I find it wild that people set their AC at 72 or lower! There was a thread on Ask A Manager in which the AC was set at 74 and people were saying they would be melting at that temperature.

I was gobsmacked because I keep mine at 78. I will bump it down to 75/76 foer my morning Taiji and to go to sleep at night, but otherwise, it sits at 78. i have a fan that I have going at all times.

Part of the reason I don’t like to have AC on all the time is because fake cold air is not as pleasant as naturally cool. But I much prefer it to 80 degrees and me profusely sweating.

There have been Canadian wildfires that make the air bad as well. Because of my immunity system being shitty, I have to keep out of it as much as possible. I like to do my Taiji lesson outside, but I can’t for the winter, obviously. And I haven’t been able to yet this summer because of the air quality and the high pollen.

Which brings me to yet another reason I hate summer. Pollen. Allergies. Everything wanting to kill me. That’s my biggest reason for hating the outdoors–I am allergic to everything. When I was a kid, I got allergy shots every week. I had no idea why, but my arm would swell, and I would be hot, miserable, and itchy for the next few hours. My mother never explained it to me, so of course in my brain, I was like, “this shot makes me sick.”

I did not know that they inject you with the actual allergens as a way to get you used to them. My brother had to stop getting allergy shots because he reacted too badly to them. I didn’t know that, either, so I was envious that he got to stop getting the shots.

When I was in my twenties, I had to get retested for allergies. You’re supposed to do it every so often. They poked my thigh with twenty or so allergens, and my entire thigh swelled up. The whole thing was hot and miserable.

The conclusion: I am allergic to everything under the sun–including the sun. I’m allergic to every flower, probably the grass, and mosquito bites. Whenever I get bites, they swell to the size of a tennis ball. One time, I spent the summer in Taiwan, and my legs were covered with huge mosquito bites. I was so miserable. And, as I mentioned recently, I stopped wearing my contacts after living in the Bay Area for a year beacuse my eyes just could not handle the local pollen.


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The heat has gone to my head

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I hate heat. I hate it so much. I live in Minnesota, which is known for its cold and snow, but our dirty little secret is that we have one or two really hot weeks every summer. Like over 100 degrees hot. Like, I am sitting in front of my fan with my AC going and I’m never leaving kind of hot. That was yesterday when it ‘felt like’ 107 degrees. It’s hard to comprehend that number, really.

I am not a hot person at all. More to the point, I’m not a moderate person, either. Heh. That could apply to many things about me, not just temperature. But for now, let’s stick to temp.

I’ve always hated heat since I was a little kid. My parents would tell me to put on a coat and I would always demure. My father thinks it’s amusing now to remind me how disobedient I was about not wearing a coat back then. He claimed I said it was because he didn’t ask me politely to do it, but just ordered me to do it.

That wasn’t it. I mean, that was probably part of it, but it wasn’t the main reason. The main reason I pushed back was because I wasn’t cold. Also, the way he would put it was, “Put on a coat because I feel cold.” Not because he thought I was cold, but because he was cold. He’s a raging narcissist so if he’s cold, of course, I am, too.

This was actually a stressor for me when my parents were home during my medical trauma. We went for a walk every morning, which I didn’t really want to do. Why? Because they had to criticize what I wore when we went. I don’t get cold. I have been dressing myself for decades.
I know how to layer and I know that I’ll get hot when I walk.

My mom started asking me every day if I was cold, or I must be cold, or wasn’t I cold? I calmly asked her not to do that one time when we were not on the walk. A reasonable request, I thought. She responded by saying she didn’t know how to talk to me at all. Which, what? I mean, I have told her since I was a kid that I don’t get cold. I. Do. Not. Get. Cold. This is a constant for me. I only get cold when I’m sick and even then, it’s very rare.

I don’t wear a coat except maybe twice a winter. I have all the accoutrements I need , including a sctarf/hood, gloves, and thremals. I’m not going to let myself freeze. I’ve lived in Minnesota all my life; I know how to deal with the winters. I do not need anyone telling me to put on gloves, a scarf, etc.


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Summer lovin’…sucks

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I hate summer. With all my heart. The heat, the mosquito bites (to which I’m allergic), allergies, and did I mention the heat? By heat, by the way, I mean anything over 70. I really prefer under 60, but 60 – 70 is tolerable. I am at my happiest at 0. as long as I have heat, of course, which I set at 62 during the day and 60 at night.

When I say I hate heat, it’s not hyperbole. And I don’t mean that I intellectually dislike it; it negatively affects me in every way. I get red, flushed, sweaty, short of breath, and I can’t breathe. I get cross, irritable, and ready to fight the air.

Add to that the mosquitos. I’m allergic to them and when I get bit, they swell and puff up. One time, I  was in Taiwan for the summer, and my legs were covered with bites the size of silver dollars. Mosquitos love me and if I’m outside, they will bite me.

Many years ago, Angry Black Lady and I were riffing on white people and their love for the great outdoors. We were joking about how white camping is and how it speaks to a mentality of being rich enough to pay to sleep outside your house when many people of color can never dream of owning a house in the first place.

It’s something that is encouraged when you need to take a break or get away from the hustle and bustle of your daily life. Which, I get. If you spend most of your time in an office chained to a desk and on a computer, a breath of fresh outdoor air can seem like a great thing.

But for someone like me, stepping outside is an exercise in misery. I’m immediately hot, prickly, and sweaty. I get heat rashes, too, so that’s fun. I’m allergic to everything under the sun–and maybe including the sun. Every plant, flower, tree, and probably even the air. I’m acutely aware of how miserable I am and how much I want to be inside.

Now, you would think I have my AC on at all times because of how much I hate the heat, but I don’t like to waste energy like that. I have it set for 78, but I will admit to bumping it down to 76 when I really can’t stand it. I’m still in the elite of the elite in my neighborhood when it comes to energy use, however, so I’m happy about that. I do have a fan blowing at all times when it reaches 80 degrees outside.


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The heat is on

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It’s hot. It’s 87 ‘feels like’ 94 before 10 a.m. hot. Tarzan couldn’t take this kind of hot. A slight paraphrase, but factual. It’s so hot, it hurts my feelings. It’s so hot, I have the air on, which I try not to use*. Normally, I use the air a few times in a season. This year, however, it’s been really hot in the house, even when it’s not that hot outside. I don’t feel that bad about using air because I don’t use any heat in the winter.

I have been tagged as the elite of the elite when it comes to being eco-friendly with the furnace/aircon, which pleases me. My brother and I have had discussions about this because environmentalism is his passion. So he’ll sometimes point out ways I can save more, but he doesn’t push it. Why? Because I’m bare bones already.

I have my air at 78 and my furnace at 62 (day)/60 (night). I have one light in the kitchen on most of the time and then the light in my living room when I’m in it (which is most of the time). I’ll turn the light on in my computer room when I’m there, but that’s an LED. So is the one in my kitchen. I have a hybrid car that before the pandemic, I filled the gas every three months or so. Now, it’s every six months or longer.

I do have a cat who has a carbon pawprint, but I have no kids. That’s the biggest thing. I do laundry once a month or so. I do eat meat. I’m trying to cut down on that, but it’s slow-going. The more I do Taiji weapons, the more meat I want to eat. I noticed several years ago that my meat intake was increasing. I mentioned it to my Taiji teacher; she explained that it was probably because I was upping my Taiji routine.

This is more an ethical matter for me than an environmentalism one. Meat comes from animals. They are living and breathing creatures. Factory farming is brutal and not animal-friendly (to vastly understate it). It’s hard for me to sit comfortably with that. I would prefer to eat non-meat protein, but there is something just so satisfying about meat.

My brother and I have this ongoing conversation about environmentalism. He does EV car shows and has a passion for EV cars. I do not begrudge him this, but he has a hard time seeing how niche it is. And how far out of the norm it is. A few years ago, he stated he thought that maybe 50% of cars on the road were EV. Well, maybe not that high. I can’t remember exactly, but it was a high enough percentage that even I knew he was out of line–and I know nothing about cars. Nor do I care. I’m going to say he said 25%. That seems like a reasonably high number.


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A mishmash of ideas floating in my brain

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I’m hot and swollen and just done with it all. In the last two months, we’ve had several weeks of 90+ temps, and a solid week of ‘feels like’ 102 and above. Yes, we get some 90 and 100 degree, but not like this. normally, I use my air three or four times a summer–it’s been putting in work this year. I’ also have my personal fan going on high 24/7 and drink tons of cold beverages. I’m wearing a tank top and shorts, and I’m STILL hot. To me, 65 is when it starts to get unpleasant for me and 90 is untenable. 100 and above? That just hurts my feelings.

Here’s the thing about the heat–it makes me very sleepy. However, I can’t actually sleep in the heat so I’m getting less sleep than usual. Then I spend the whole day being groggy and working at half-productivity. It’s a vicious cycle because no amount of cold can change the actual temperature outside. And, look, I realize that I’m very lucky. I have a house. I have air. I don’t have to be out in the heat. I don’t do physical labor. And still I hate the heat so much.

In addition, I have a multitude of swollen mosquito bites that are making me miserable. I am allergic* to them and they swell up, lasting for days if not weeks. They are tender to the touch and can sometimes be unbearably itchy. I try not to scratch them as it just makes it worse, but sometimes, nothing can stop that itch.

Pairing the heat with the mosquito bites means that I’m miserable. The temperature is currently climbing and is ‘feels like’ 94. It saps my energy and my will to do anything. Writing, my bread and butter, is interspersed with my bitterness at being miserable. The pandemic has been hell on my concentration and I don’t know when I’ll get my focus back. I am still able to get shit done, but it takes three times the mental energy.

I’m also mad about the pandemic itself. I can’t help thinking it didn’t have to reach this point, but that would have entailed changing the entire fabric of our society. It would mean we needed to have put our collective foot down years ago when the Republicans started going off the rails about science and not pretended that their viewpoint was equally valid. We’d actually need to go even further back and value education again, but I’m not getting into those weeds. Needless to say, it’s frustrating as hell to see all these people blithely ignoring science because of their feels, and what’s even worse, not learning a lesson from it.


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I am a delicate flower, damn it

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The heat has finally broken–somewhat. It’s 75 right now, which is still outside my comfort zone, but it’s way better than 107. My parents were shocked when I told them because it’s actually hotter than where they are–which almost never happens. They asked how I’ve been dealing with it. With AC, a fan blowing on high directly on me, iced water, and ice packs. Also, taking off my shirt when the sun goes down. I’m a less is more kind of gal in general when it comes to clothing in part because of hating clothing on my skin and partly because I hate being hot. Oh, also constrained. In my idea world, I would  be naked all the time in a 50 degree world. That’s not gonna ever happen, though, because that’s not the world I live in.

My energy has been sapped even for the few minutes I’m outside when I’m taking a few puffs. It’s just so oppressive, especially when you’re not used to it. It’s similar to how the South deals with an inch of snow–it’s no big deal unless it only happens once every five years or so. We get over a hundred on occasion, but not for a solid week as we did this time. We’re supposed to get back up in the nineties this week, which is just not right. I mean, yes, it’s June and yes it’s summer. But this is Minnesota! We’re not built to deal with sustained 100 degrees.

Even though I’m inside most of the time, I’m still affected by the heat. My sleep has been worse than usual and my brain refuses to think. I’m grumpy, which, admittedly, is my normal state of mind, but it’s also extra with the heat. I feel like a dope for being so susceptible to heat, but it’s the way I am. I love the cold with all my heart and feel alive when the temperature is around zero. But anything over sixty is not fun for me and past seventy, I want to throat-punch somebody. Eighty? Grrrrr. Ninety is unfathomable and a hundo is personally hurtful.

I’m drinking iced water and iced coffee like they’re going out of style, which is helping a bit. But mostly, I’m just mad. I know it doesn’t help, but it’s how I feel.

In better news, my left thumb is roughly 92% right as rain. That steroid shot was a miracle worker, but I’m glad the doc clarified that it might take up to two weeks to work. I had been expecting it to be like magic and work instantly. Knowing that wasn’t the case meant I didn’t freak when it didn’t get better right away. It took a few days for it to improve at all and by the one week point, I was at roughly 60%. Now, I can bend it with very minimal pain and it’s only slightly sore when I touch it. To be honest, I’ll be happy if it stays like this and doesn’t get any better. I’m just so relieved I can use it again.


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The heat is getting to me

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It’s been hot lately. Like nearly 90 degrees hot. That’s not my jam at all and I just want to snooze. I can’t get my shit together today so here’s a video of Asian teen girls/Latinas screaming against the patriarchy in a public library. Here’s the story in NPR. I give to you The Linda Lindas singing Racist, Sexist Boy. I love everything about this. Rock on, girls!

Not down with the illness

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Remember the incipient migraine I mentioned a few posts ago? Well, it turned out not to be that, but it kinda was that at the same time. The pills I took were, indeed, migraine meds, but not the extra-strength ones I normally take. How do I know? Because I bought more migraine meds that had the same letter/number combo printed on them, and they were the regular migraine pills not the super-strong one. That’s why taking two didn’t do the job, and now I’m taking three at a time. Is it helping? Yes…and no. I still have the low-level mini-graine symptoms (headache, even more sensitivity to stimuli, nausea), but it took a backseat because other shit has hit me hard. Thursday night, I was hit with extreme diarrhea. The kind that has you glued to the toilet for a half hour, and then you’re back ten minutes later. Shadow did not know what to do with this except lie down by my feet and meow loudly in a demand to be petted. Which, fair enough, but it’s not something I could concentrate on when I was having internal issues.

I had to rush to the bathroom more than once that night, and it was the same when I got up in the morning. Before that bout, I had a four-hour nap because I was just so fucking tired. The reason I’m bringing up the nap is not just to complain–though that’s part of it. It’s because normally, when I have an issue with a diarrhea, it’s related to something I ate. This time, that doesn’t seem to be the case in that I hadn’t eaten in six hours, and the urge to shit came over me suddenly. That’s normal for when I’m dealing with this (literal) shit, by the way. It’s sudden, and it’s dire if I don’t make it to the bathroom. It was better on Friday by a margin, and it was much better yesterday (Saturday), but today it’s come back. Not with a vengeance, but I am uncomfortably aware of it. I had to go to Cubs earlier today, and it wasn’t a pleasant experience.

The other reason it was a bad experience is because it’s fucking hot again. It ‘feels like’ 94, and I felt it the second I stepped outside. Hot, oppressive, and life-sucking. I was outside for less than a minute between my garage door and my car door, and I just wanted to go back inside. I can feel my mood sour no matter how little or long I’m outside. There have been studies done about heat and aggression, and it seems pretty conclusive that the hotter it gets, the more aggressive we get. I can attest to that on a personal level, and I don’t seem to be able to do anything about it.

I’m tired. I’m depressed.  I just want to make the world go away. I was going to write a whole post about something else, but I just don’t have it in me right now. Hopefully, this bug or whatever it is will go away soon.