Underneath my yellow skin

Tag Archives: neurospicy

Overcoming my brain

I have come to the conclusion that I have a weird brain. Yes, that is my official diagnosis–a weird brain. I have read up on ADHD, and I think I may have some version of it. Some of the traits hit home and some don’t. One, the flitting from thing to thing like a magpie until one thing catches my interest. Then, I hone in on that with laserlike focus until I’m bored with it. that could be days, weeks, months, years.

Some of those things last a lifetime. Those are few and far between, but they are there. Writing is one. Taiji is another (especially weapons). FromSoft games is a third. My cat is another, but that’s more because I love him to bits. Even when he’s being a picky prick (at mealtimes).

Another thing is that I am much better at coming up with ideas than actually following through on them. I have a hard time motivating myself to do–well anything. Even something I like. K and  I used to joke that when we got together to go out, it was pure agony. Not the going out part, but the actually getting our shit together enough to meet. First, finding a date when we both  could meet was not easy. Then, actually getting the energy to leave my house was a problem. Our way of going out was that I would drive to her house and then she would drive us whenever we needed to be.

She would be not dressed when I got there. Not dressed to go out, I mean. She wasn’t naked or in her underwear; she just didn’t have her going-out clothes on. She would ask her husband to dress her (essentially) becasue he had impeccable taste. We would chat as she got ready, which could take up to a half hour. Then, we’d finally leave to go where we needed to be and have a great time.

I’ve read that time management is a big issue for those with ADHD. People have tried to describe how they would honestly decide to do ten ‘things I can do in 10’ minutes and not add up all the ten minutes. Then, they would be surprised when after the first thing, they had run out of time for the ‘just one more thing before I leave’ task.

I don’t have that, but I do have a problem that is related to time–I always, always, always worked to the back of a deadline. I have done a lot of editing for my mother, and I finally had to tell her that when she gave me a deadline, it had to be a concrete deadline. You see, before that, when she gave me a deadline, it was the absolute latest time she wanted it back.

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Neurospicy is the new neurodiverse

Neurospicy is the new word for neurodivergent. I’m not sure how I  feel about it, and I say this as someone who is pondering whether or not I am–neurodivergent, I mean. In the last few years, I have heard it being called neurodivergent, neuroatypical, and neurodiverse. Neurospicy is a newer one, and I think I like it in a casual setting, but not for something like an office. Just like I wouldn’t use queer in a more formal setting, but I would with my friends.

I only started thinking about this issue seriously in terms of myself a few years ago. Why? In part because I did not present in the typical way, which I learned was more based on male behavior than female behavior (as are most medical diagnoses, sadly). I learned about a decade ago that the hyperactive thing was a drastic simplification of the matter. There was also a hyperfocus aspect that people overlooked when they talked about the inability to focus. Those two things (not being hyperactive and being able to focus with a laserlike precision) made me dismiss the idea that I had ADHD for a long time.

I kept getting drawn back to it, though. Things like being repeatedly told you’re lazy because you wouldn’t (couldn’t, actually, but it looked like wouldn’t) do simple things like check the mail or recycle empty boxes (the ones my cat, Shadow, doesn’t want). I would castigate myself for being lazy, which didn’t help, of course. I didn’t even learn of the term ‘executive function’ until about five years ago.

I did hear about hyperfocus before then, but I still didn’t think it was me. Until I read more and more about it. How it presents it women, I mean. I no longer identify as a woman, but I definitely grew up being treated as one. Oh, and it’s often talked about as a kid’s thing, when it’s definitely not.

The other complication is that I have trained myself from a young age to overcome some of the symptoms without even knowing it. I have, er, had a phenomonal memory. So I can overcome the shortcomings like being bad with details by brute force. I was also trained to take care of other people’s emotions so I was forced to pay attention to other people to an unnatural degree. I also have an off-the-charts EQ and can read people like books to an extent that makes them uncomfortable.

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