People talk about how difficult it is to adjust to the new pronouns of someone they’ve known and love for quite some time. For some reason, I do not have this problem. When gender identity started becoming more talked about as a social issue, I struggled with ‘they’ in the singular. When I changed my thinking to ‘Wait. I use ‘they’ in the singular when it’s a generic person, then it was no longer an issue for me. In other words, when I realized I already used they in the singual, I hod no problem accepting it as a singular pronoun.
And, yes, I kow it used to be one. That is an argument that is proffered frequently, but I don’t find it that persuasive because there are many things that used to be standard that we no longer use. Such as thou and thee. For me, personally, knowing that we currently use they in the singular is a better rationale to me. The other reason that resonated with me was that it’s what people want to be called. I can dig that.
I also had difficulty with neopronouns. I will admit that I’m not as comfortable with those, but that’ss a me-problem. In part, it’s the purpose of pronouns. There is a reason for a set amount of pronouns. They are meant to be stand-ins and not personally applicable to each individual. But, I do agree that he and she is way too limiting. Personally, Idon’t like they for myself, and I have no affinity for the rest of them. I will say that ey/em/eir are the closest to ones that I actually identify with, but it’s more an intellectual connection than a personal one. Honestly, call me any of them other than he/him, and we’re good.
It’s easy for me, though. I rarely slip up, and I also think it’s because I’m in so many ‘other’ categories. I’m not black or white–I’m Asian. Not gay or straight, but bi (or pan, I guess, but I really don’t like that. I tried to just leave it at ‘queer’, but people think that means gay). I have been trying to get away from bi for years, but there really isn’t anything else that I like.
When It comes to religion, I’m not Christian and I’m not an atheist. I am areligious, meaning I don’t care. I like using apathetic for religion, but it’s more hostile than I mean it to be. Or rather, it imparts an ill-intent that I don’t mean. Areligious is good for pubblic consumption because it’s about as bland a word as you can get.
I wrote about neurodiversity yesterday. I wondered if i had anything that could be diagnosable, but the more I read about it, the more questions I had. I watched a video by a woman who had the twin diagnoses of autism and ADHD, and she said that it really clicked because of her warring symptoms. She needed other people to be quiet, but then would be noisy herself. I thought about it, but I honestly don’t think I have autism. But I do exhibit some symptoms.
I’m pretty sure I’m neurodiverse, but I don’t think I’m officially anything. And that fits in with me being other. I have some OCD traits, but I’m also a slob and lazy. I can’t make myself do some simple tasks (like opening mail), but I don’t miss deadlines. Well. That’s not completely true. I don’t miss work/project deadlines. I’m not great at paying bills on time unless it’s online. I am a packrat, but not in the sense of ‘someone might need tihs one day’! It’s part of my lazy nature. I just can’t take the steps to get rid of the junk.
I do talk too much. Or not enough. Rarely the right amount. I have a ton of sensory issues. I need to have tight control of my environment or I get really stressed. I don’t have a lateness issue. I don’t have a problem remembering important dates. I can listen when someone talks. I’m very good at peopling (even though I don’t like doing it). I focus on the conversation and I remember what people tell me.
There’s a bit of a hiccup in that since I died, but I don’t think it’s too noticeable. Sometimes, I have to ask people if I told them something or not (or they just tell me), and I do qusetion if they had recently told me something they said they had. I want to emphasize, though, that this isn’t that often, and it’s never something important.
Like most things in my life, I am somewhere in the middle. I watched a video on eight hidden things about adults with ADHD, and I had about half of them. Which is hilarious to me because that’s me through and through. I had both depression AND anxiety! But not some of the classic markers of either. I’m Asian AND American, but much more tthe latter than the former. I’m attracted to people of any and all genders, and it’s very complicated.
I am not religious, but I’m also not an atheist. And I am no gender. That’s why I’m currently rocking agender. I’ve tossed genderqueer at the end of that because I’m not quite sure which it is for me. I strugggle with this because I do not want trans people and nonbinary people to feel as if i do not support them. I do. Wholeheartedly. Call people the pronouns they wish to be called (though I really do have a problem with it, but, again, that’s a me-problem), but…and here’s the thing–those of us that don’t want to be called pronouns, maybe keep that in mind?
In the end, though, it’s not worth the fight for me. I’m resigned to being called her. I don’t really mind. I mean, I don’t love it, but I don’t hate it, either. But it has helped me realize that I don’t want to misgender others. Gender is very important to many people, and I need to keep that in mind.
I’ve been incorporating different genders in my fiction writing in the last few years, and it’s not easy. The first time I wrote a nonbinary character, I kept using the pronouns of the initial gender I gave them. In my current novel, I have a character who is an agender apparition. I am trying to use the mane as often as possible, but I will use ey/em/eir when saying the name gets to be too unwieldly. As the apparition is based on me (my avatar, as it were), I’m using the pronouns that are the ones I’m most comfortable with.
I think if I have to identify my pronouns, I want to specify that I’m agender and don’t use pronouns. But I do realize the need for them. In that case, I would use ey/em, but i honestly don’t care enough to deal with the pushback or do any pushing myself.
FB identified that one of my FB friends had changed names. Not only names, but genders. I read a few of her posts, and I was so happy for her finding her truth late in life. It was strange at the same time, though, because I just can’t imagine caring that much about my gender.
That’s the good thing about being empathetic, though. I can be happy for her and celebrate her true nature while not feeling it at all myself. I can imagine the joy she has in slowly becoming comfortable in her own skin. I mean , I felt a similar happiness about realizing I didn’t have to have children, so I can relate on that level.
The bottom line is that I’m a libertarian with a small l. I believe people should do what they want as long as it’s all consensual and they are harming no one. People should live their truths and be their very best selves. I really don’t think that should be controversial, and it’s sad that it is.