So, I’m planning the FODMAP elimination diet thing, and I’m in the exploratory stage. One thing you must know about me is that I don’t do anything quickly. I take forever to make a decision, but once I do, I go in whole hog. My BFF once said after I got my cats that it seemed like I had made the decision with the snap of the fingers, but when she thought more about it, I had been talking about it for a few years. It’s the same with all the decisions I make. I think about it a lot, and then I research it to death, then I do everything all at once. It happened when I decided to lose weight, twice, to great detriment (because I have a really strong will once I actually decide to do something), and it was the some when I eschewed gluten and dairy. Only once in the two-and-a-half years did I decide to give it up–on my trip to Malta–and that was only for two days.
As I’ve noted before, I’m pissed that I have to do more. I’ve given up dairy, gluten, and caffeine, and that’s a lot of shit. The caffeine was the hardest to give up, but it’s the one I miss the least. To be fair, I do drink a cup or two of caffeinated tea every week or so, plus a caffeinated pop if I go out to eat. I bought some cold coffee this week and then got a piercing headache from drinking it. I woke up with a horrible headache–teetering towards a migraine–and I’m pretty sure it’s salt this time. Been eating a lot of chips lately, and even though they are reduced salt, it’s still not great. In fact, I’m eating some as I write this. I had given up chips a long time ago, but I’ve added them back in. I know I need to cut them out again, but it’s not something I’m happy to do right now.
I read a FODMAP article about how the person who helps her clients achieve a low-FODMAP diet liked to focus on what they COULD eat rather than what they couldn’t. I appreciate this approach, and I understand why she does it. However, it’s really hard for me not to be resentful about what I can’t have, especially because I don’t cook. Not only do I not cook, I don’t like to cook. I *can* cook, but it seems like a waste of time. I hate prep work, and I don’t see the point in cooking for one. Yes, I know about batching it and freezing portions. I hate defrosting stuff.
Here’s the thing. I have to give out about ten times the energy that ‘normal’ people do in order to do even the simplest things. This will be a factor in what I have to say later as well. So, yes, defrosting food is not a big deal. Really, it isn’t, especially with microwaves. But to my brain, it’s almost insurmountable in addition to nuking food in general. Yes, you can take it out ahead of time and allow it to defrost naturally–which I do with the roast chicken when I buy it. But, doing it for more than one thing is too much for my brain. For whatever reason, my brain shuts down when it’s more than a few simple steps, which is something I’ve adjusted for all my life. It’s difficult to explain it to people who don’t have the issue because it sounds stupid. Believe me, I know it sounds like bullshit when I try to describe each step it takes for me to, say, go to the grocery store. By the way, this is relevant for later as well.
The thing is, just because I recognize it’s stupid, it doesn’t make it any easier. In fact, it makes it more difficult because then I feel even worse. Most people with anxiety/depression issues can feel me on this, I bet. One time in therapy, I was expressing my frustration to my therapist that I couldn’t fix something or the other (with my mental health). I was expounding at some length when she cut me off. She said, “Minna, thinking is what got you into this mess; thinking will not get you out of it”, except she expressed it more eloquently. Her point was that while my intelligence was good for many things, it also fucked things up for me because it could make anything sound logical.
Back to FODMAP. Mayo, balsamic vinaigrette, and mustard are all on the low FODMAP list. The only caveats were to make sure that if there was ‘natural flavors’ on the list, to contact the company and ask what the ‘natural flavors’ are. Every single mayo I looked at in Cubs listed ‘natural flavors’ in their list of ingredients. When I looked at the balsamic vinaigrettes, every one had onion in them. Or garlic. There is a dip I’ve been enjoying that has no dairy and no gluten. One is a tzatziki substitute and another is a quesadilla substitute. Both are delicious, but in my research phase, I read that cauliflower is high FODMAP. Guess what both the dips are made of? Yes, cauliflower.
I was at Cubs yesterday, and I was getting more and more frustrated. Most of the mustards I looked at had garlic in them (or onion. I think garlic, though), and I could only find one that didn’t. that wasn’t honey mustard. I was demoralized by the end of the shopping trip because I knew what that meant. There was one of two things I could do–oh, and I looked up how to make mayo at home because it’s “so easy” to make according to one of the chefs (James) at Sorted. It is easy–if you have a food processor. Which I don’t.
Side Note: I’ve railed about the intsapot before ad nauseam. It was hyped to the max on the internet, and my brother waxed enthusiastically about it to me at length. I bought one and eagerly awaited it so I could make amazing dishes. Imagine my dismay when I realized that literally the only thing it does is save time during the cooking. You still have to prep. You still have to brown the meat (which I had never done before. Also, I couldn’t get it to work in the instapot, so I did it in a skillet. And burned myself). It ended up being more work than it would have been otherwise, which is probably the learning curve with the instapot.
Two things I can do. One, shop at a co-op. I stopped doing it when my taiji studio moved because it’s no longer on the way. There are two within fifteen/twenty minutes of me. I like both for different reasons, but twenty minutes in nearly unfathomable when it’s hard enough to go to Cubs–which is three minutes away. Plus, the one I like slightly better than the other is significantly more expensive as well. The other is cook. I hate cooking. I don’t want to cook, but that is probably what I will end up doing. Ugh. I have to do something, though, because I hate how awful I feel and how much time I’m spending in the bathroom. It’s way too much time wasted.