Many moons ago (maybe even in the Before Times), I heard whispers of a game in which you could date your weapons. As a person who describes my relationships with my weapons in terms of romantic relationships (hot torrid affair with my double sabers, for example), this grabbed my attention. The name of it gave me pause–Boyfriend Dungeon–because it seemed oddly prescriptive. Reading up on it more, the developer, Kitfox Games (which, I think is only one or two people. I just Googled. It’s three), said that they would not have chosen than name if they were starting now, but it’s too late to change it at that point.
Side Note: It tickles me that the developer is called Kitfox Games and the mysterious character in Cozy Grove (Spry Fox) is a fox called Mr. Kit. That’s just me, though.
The premise of the game is that it’s a cross between a dating sim and a dungeon crawler. Specifically, you can date your weapons. Date my weapons?!? Hell to the fucking yes!! Now, I don’t like dating sims for the most part, but this was different. In addition, I learned that you as the playable character could be she/her, they/them, or he/him. (I chose she/her, but only after great hesitation). The weapons are (the ones I’ve seen in posts and in game), male, female, and nonbinary. You can also date people-people in the game, none of them have been nonbinary so far (but I know there are nonbinary options in the game). The style is reminiscent of Dream Daddy (Game Grumps), although there aren’t as many options to customize. I can’t emphasize enough, however, that this is three young people doing the vast majority of the work.
I watched Aoife Wilson of Eurogamer play the EGX/PAX build of it last year and was moderately impressed. I’m pretty sure I played the demo myself, but I can’t say for sure. My impressions might be because I saw Aoife play it, but I was more appreciative of the concept than the actual game.
The story is that you move to Verona Beach to live at the apartment of your cousin Jesse (how convenient that they have a girlfriend they live with but are still renting the apartment for the summer) and to run the dunj. That’s what they called the dungeon, by the way. Dunj. A bit too cute for my taste, but not teeth-grindingly so. It’s set at the mall, which is funny to me. Anyway, I have a phone and I get so. many. texts. From Jesse. Then my mom (who is a total sweetie, by the way). Then each potential date.
Side Note II: I’m only an hour or two into the game, so all the spoilers are early in. I don’t think I really consider them spoilers, but I just wanted to note it.
The default weapon is Isaac, a handsome and somewhat-stilted Estoc. His texts are writing like a letter and he has to asked what the appropriate emoji was for the given situation. Valeria is a Dagger who is an artist in real life. She’s passionate and impetuous–and I sleep with her on our second date. Oops. I’ll get to that in a minute. The third weapon (all I’ve found so far) is Sunder, a rakish, smoldering Talwar who owns a dance club and does something shady on the side. I want to say vampire, but that’s a pure guess on my part. You meet the new weapons in the dungeon where they are shaken and disoriented. You’re told by someone (I think Isaac?) that weapons are being abducted. This is apparently the result and how you acquire some of your new weapons.
Oh, in watching the launch video, I was reminded that one of the weapons is a cat whose weapon is Brass Knuckles. I WANT THAT CAT NOW.
The dating sim part of the game is fun because I can choose the answers I’d use if I had the nerve and see what the consequences would be. Of course, with only two or three responses to choose from, they’re not going to be exact, but that’s fine. It’s freeing because it’s just a game, but I’m digging most of the characters so far. There is one who is the classic incel and I want nothing to do with him. He starts our texting convo with negging and ramps up to actual stalking. I’m not sure why he’s in the game, quite frankly. It feels like it’s being played for laughs, but not quite? Is he there just to show there are assholes like this in the dating world? I know it’s early doors, but I hate him. HATE HIM. I have not gone on a date on him. I have not even enter his store because I cannot stand him.
Now. This is a video game, yes. It’s meant to be played as a game. However, it’s also a dating sim, which means that ostensibly, it wants you to react authentically if that’s how you want to play it. So, in real life, if someone placed flowers outside my house before we even went on a date and then dismissed my ‘don’t do that’? That person would never, ever, EVER be within ten feet of me again. If that person than stalked me on a date and brought it up? Yeah, my reaction would not be pretty. I have such a visceral reaction to him–and, to be fair, the devs did mention in a content note that there was stalking in the game as a warning–that it bums me out he’s even in the game. I meet another man later who went to school with the creeper and my cousin and does the old, ‘oh, he’s just misguided’ bullshit and while I like this guy, that put me on my guard.
By the way, that guy is an axe, which made me all hot and bothered. I started with a Hand Axe as a Pyromancer in Dark Souls (bet you didn’t think I’d be able to cram Dark Souls into this review, did you?) and I’ve had an affinity for them ever since. I smooched this guy at the Fourth of July party, but apparently, he’s going to be away for the rest of summer. He reassured me that he’ll be back in the fall and we would definitely see each other soon. Again, I was broken out of my immersion because my brain thought, “Patch-time or DLC!” I knew there was a real-world reason why I could not date him at the moment and while it wasn’t a big deal, it made me snicker.
Anyway. I feel like I’m missing something in the game because I refuse to interact with this character. However, I do not want to interact with him at all so I keep ignoring him. I know I should go into the goddamn store, but I haven’t yet.
I’m digging the romance sim part of the game, more or less, but you may have notice that I haven’t mentioned the fighting side yet. Yeah, about that. Look. I wasn’t expecting blow-my-mind combat. I honestly thought this was more on the romance side than the fighting side, which was fine with me. I just wanted to play, literally, with some hot-as-fuck weapons and maybe kill a monster or two.
Let’s talk about the dunj. It’s filled with monsters which are based on your fears. I’ve reached Level 8 and have fought a mini-boss on Level 5. That unlocked the elevator so now I can go to Level 1, Level 5, or Level 7. The roll button is B so it’s *say it with me* just like Souls! The attack buttons are X and Y, which is not Souls. Health is replenished by milkshakes and magazines provide you with magicks (for now, I only have fire. The best, though). The maps are procedurally generated and the combat is….We’ll get to that in a second. Yes, I’m putting it off, why do you ask?
You can change your weapon every level, which I appreciate. You level up by using a weapon, but you can only get to the next level on any given dungeon run. So, like however many XP to Level 2 and then it gets locked until you go on another date with that weapon. There is an interesting tension between Weapons and Wielders, and I’m curious to see how it plays out later.
Ok, the combat. I’m not loving it. It feels stiff and not very fluid. It’s hard to tell when you’ll get caught up in the geometry and the M.O. seems to be just throwing mobs at you. I’m not down with that as I prefer thoughtful combat with a few difficult enemies than just hacking and slashing my way through countless enemies. Especially since some of them are damage sponges. The health items flow rather generously, but again, I would rather have harder enemies with less health regen. You can only carry three milkshakes at a time, btw.
I’m hoping that the combat will open up later on; for now, it’s serviceable, but not very memorable. I’m grading on a curve right now, but I’m not sure how long the game will hold my interest if the combat doesn’t improve. For now, however, I’m having a fun time with it and am enjoying the chance to date in a socially-distanced and consequence-free manner.