I’ve heard raves about RuPaul’s Drag Race but never watched it, mostly because I’m not into fashion at all. I’m the diametric opposite of a glamour girl; indeed, I don’t wear makeup at all. For whatever reason, I decided to watch it one day, and the earliest season available on Amazon Prime is Season 5. I was immediately annoyed by the whole Coco Montrese/Alyssa Edwards rivalry because it seemed so childish to me. I could see both sides, and I could see how both sides did wrong. And yet, each one wanted to play the victim. Hm. It’s a lot like Twitter fights, come to think of it. It’s why I don’t watch reality shows in general. I don’t like witnessing other people’s drama because it makes me tense while simultaneously boring me.
Then, the whole Rolaska Tox thing happened, and I started rolling my eyes. Hard. Roxxxy Andrews, Alaska Thunderfuck, and Detox Icunt (only called Detox on the show) bonded and quickly became a clique. They got it into their heads to hate Jinkx Monsoon and to get her off the show. Again, it was very mean girlish, and as Jinkx was my favorite (except Vivienne Pinay, but she was booted off rather early), watching the other three gang up on her was infuriating and curdled my stomach. To be fair, Alaska extracted herself from the group after giving a warning by Michelle (whom I hate, by the way, but I’ll get more to that later) that cliques can harm you. Alaska also seemed like the nicest of the three, and she wasn’t too mean to Jinkx except once throwing her under the bus along with the rest of Rolaska Tox.
I also felt like there was way too much filler in that season. They dragged out the finals for two weeks, which was not needed. I was so glad Jinkx made the final three, but it was hard to see Detox leave notes for the other two (Alaska and Roxxxy) when Detox was outed as the fourth girl left, and she didn’t leave one for Jinkx. I identified so strongly with Jinkx, being the weird one, the outsider, and not a glam girl at all. Watching her breakdown was hard, although I loved her mantra, “Water off a duck’s back.” I don’t know how she hung in there with so much hate flowing her way, but much props to her for sticking it out.
Let’s talk about Michelle Visage. I wish she wasn’t a judge on the show because she really drags it down, no pun intended. She’s a hanger-on and a RuPaul-wannabe, and you can take the girl out of Jersey, but you can’t take Jersey out of the girl. She’s so much a pageant girl, and she wants everyone to do glam all the time. Big hair, cinched waists (which is not good for your innards), heavy makeup, and glitter. She wants the prom look magnified, and it gets really fucking old. I liked Santino Rice even if he did kiss ass as well, but it was clear he and Michelle did not get along. There’s a clip of the two of them talking about something, and Michelle is saying brocade as if it rhymed with odd. Bro-COD. She says it a few times while Santino looks puzzled, then he says with contempt, “You mean brocade?” She looks furious and says it’s pronounced bro-COD in France. He says clearly, “It’s brocade.” #TeamSantino in the house. She is way too prominent in Season 5, and she tries so hard to be RuPaul, it is embarrassing. There is one time when she has to do the pep talk before a challenge because Ru was doing something else, and it is embarrassing to hear her deliver Ru’s signature, “Don’t fuck it up” line.