Underneath my yellow skin

Tag Archives: personality

Using my powers for good

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I know that I’m charismatic and that people are drawn to me. Not everyone. I’m not for people who are pragmatic and non-emotional. Except my brother, and that’s partly because I can explain people to him. But for others who have  no need of this, I can probably appear to be pure emotions. That must be frustrating for people who are doers, but maybe not because I get shit done as well.

I mentioned before that when I started participating in the RKG Discord, there were people who were really happy to see me. like REALLY happy. One said that he had been looking for me ever since he signed up (which he did during a Krupa stream–and we helped him do it). Another said that he remembered my name from the chats and was glad to see me.

Several others were very warm in welcoming me, and I’ve dived straight in. I mostly hang out in the Producers chat (tier level on Patreon) and the chat for Krupa’s plat, but I dip into other chats, too. I’m extremely adept at talking to people, in part because I can tailor my messages to the person.

I know it’s partly because I’m female-presenting in a male-dominated world, too, but its’ not as if I have a pic of me in Discord. I also don’t think they know that I’m old, but not sure how much that would even matter. It was funny because the lads were talking about dating older women once. Gav and Krupa both have, but Rory hasn’t. He said he was open to it, but it just hadn’t ever happened. Gav and Krupa were both enthused about it.

I’m not looking to date anyone in the RKG group, but I do wonder how they view me at times. When I was in college, my boyfriend told me that all my male friends were trying to get into my pants. I didn’t think that was true, especially as I had gay male friends, but I couldn’t deny that some of them wanted to. And perhaps a few of my female friends as well. I don’t think it’s a problem, though, because we can choose to act on it or not.

As someone who’s attracted to people of all different genders, it would be cruel to tell me I could not be friends with people of the genders I’m attracted to. This would mean I could not be friends with anyone, which is a sad state of affairs. Also, you can be attracted to someone and not act on it! I know that sounds wild, but it’s totally true! I have had crushes on many of my friends and our friendship has weathered that crush. And I’ve had friends who’ve had a crush on me and gotten past it.

I do know that I could coax people into a sexual relationship with me, which is why I need to watch it carefully. I don’t believe in the concept of leading someone on, exactly, but when I’m sparkling, everyone wants to sparkle with me.


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That’s Just the Way I Am

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nom nom nom!
Shadow lovin’ his almond milk ice cream treat.

Ian is here visiting, and I asked him if he thought Shadow was talking more than usual. I know he is, but I was wondering if it was just a little more or a lot more (my choice). It’s hard to tell when I live with him, even though it was pretty extreme in that it started after Raven died. Ian said yes, a lot more, which just confirmed my belief.

Shadow rarely meowed when Raven was alive. Shadow was also more aloof and liked to spend a lot of his time alone. I used to call them Shadow and my Shadow because Raven was my Velcro cat while Shadow was more paws off. Raven didn’t meow a ton, but he would sometimes get in a chatty frame of mind, and he would meow at me for several minutes. His voice always sounded cross, even when it wasn’t, and he was a very affectionate cat.

When Raven died, Shadow underwent a complete personality change. He became clinging and would be anxious and unhappy if I were out of his sight. When I went to the back porch to smoke, he would reach his paws up on the sliding glass door and meow piteously. I had explained to him what happened to his brother, but I don’t think he really understood. What I can tell you is Shadow definitely changed after his brother died. Instantly and startlingly in some ways, and more slowly in others.

The talking thing has gradually grown over time. I’ve realized it’s his way of making sure he gets his treats because Raven used to be the one to inform me of eating time. I don’t think either of them ever realized that I was going to feed them regardless, or they were just trying to ensure they would get their food. Either way, Shadow has taken over that duty, and he’s pretty definite when he thinks it’s time for food.

He also has a relatively new habit of biting my face when he wants breakfast. Not hard, of course, but just gentle nibbles. If he doesn’t do that, it’s just his face in my face when I open my eyes, or him walking on my face. He’s seemed to have lost his sense of boundaries, at least when it comes to me. He wasn’t a lap cat when his brother was alive, but now, we spend most nights with him warming my legs.

In the past few months, he’s slowly become more independent again. He’ll disappear for hours as he used to do, but we still have our nightly ritual of chilling on the couch together. It’s been a year and two months since Raven has died (has it really been that long??), and I’d say his personality now is a blend between his old personality and his more recent one.

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