So. My shtick for the last few decades has been that I hate Christmas carols–except one. I’ll get to that one later, but it’s not competely true–that I hate Christmas carols, I mean. What is more accurate is that I don’t like the schlocky versions that seem to saturate the airwaves in the months (months!) leading up to Christmas. It’s as if the powers that be chose the worst possible versions and said, “Yes, let’s play these repeatedly in the mall over and over and over again.”
Things got much better once I stopped watching TV (no commercials) and stopped listening to the radio (no ads). I haven’t been to a mall except to eat in over a decade as well, so that helps. The local stations that play Christmas music all December long? No longer on my presets in my car. That’s the only time I listen to the radio, by the way. When I cut out the listening by 95%, it made it so much more tolerable.
It also helped that I have continued my journey with Christianity. I touched on the hatred I had for Christianity in this post from two days ago. I was raised fundie Evangelical Christian with very sexist tenets. A girl who had sex outside of marriage was condemned to hell. And, yes, specifically the girl because she was a harlot, a tramp, and an evil temptress/seductress. It was ridiculous to the point where our youth pastor (not Taiwanese, which was interesting at a Taiwanese church) said that it was better to not kiss before you got married because kissing led to sex. This was before I had dated anyone, but even a sheltered naive girl like me could tell that was utter bullshit. Or rather, that there were many steps between kissing and sex. It wasn’t as if you kissed someone and then suddenly their penis was inside you. Come on!
Once I realized that the church had been lying to me all those years (and being deeply sexist), I reacted with extreme anger. I could not bear the mention of Christianity or that god, which was hard because that was when my mother was at her most religious. I was so angry at God (with a capital G). Even though if He existed, it most certainly wasn’t His fault that His followers were being such assholes in His name. But that’s what happens when you’re abused–you get angry. Which is a healthy response!
Then, as the years went by, the anger slipped away. The further I got from the religion, the more I just…let it go. I will say that Taiji helped tremendously, but I put down that burden. I did not forgive* God (because I did not believe in him) or the religion (because it’s still trash to me–the version I was forced to ‘believe’ in), but I no longer felt the searing hatred or anger I had in the past.
For a decade or so, I just felt studiedly indifference to it. With a small amount of anger in the back of my mind. Again, it was Taiji that helped soothe the savage beast within. I was able to say, hey, it’s not for me, but whatever. I still hated Christmas during that time, but that was more because of the crass commercialism than the Christianity aspect.
All that to say is that I don’t hate Christmas carols. I don’t love them, but I don’t hate them per se. It’s all the baggage that goes along with them, including the assumption that everyone celebrates Christmas. And the contstant pushing of Christmas in the lead up to the actual day.
This year, for whatever reason, I am feling vaguely positive towards Christmas. I mean, very vaguely. Like a warmth in my groin–which, come to think of it, might just mean I’m horny. I’m definitely horny, but that’s neither here nor there.
I have a found a few Christmas songs I enjoy. Versions of them, I mean. The first is Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas, sung by Nat King Cole. Let’s face it. Everything sounds better when sung by Nat King Cole. This is not the usual Christmas song by him that everyone overplays, by the way. That one is fine, but I much prefer this one. His voice is like pouring warm honey over a buttered biscuit. It’s just so soothing and comforting.
The next is Bing Crosby and David Bowie singing Peace On Earth/Little Drummer Boy. It’s so good. This time, I listened to the awkward banter before the actual song and it’s definitely of the time, but kinda sweet, too. I have included it above. They are just magical together.
I don’t mind Silent Night when it’s done well. The problem is that it’s rarely done well. I just listened to Sinead O’Conner’s (RIP) version, and it’s ethereal, strange, and haunting. The video is odd, too.
Gotta throw in some love for the classic Hanukkah song, The Hanukkah Song, by Adam Sandler. It’s catchy, yo. And it’s silly, but it makes a good point. Not quite sure what that point is as it gets lost in the silliness. But it’s still fun. The updated version is also fun! (That was the part three. Here’s part two.) Hm. Apparently there’s a part four as well. He does not look enthused to still be doing this song, but probably feels he has to.
Let’s face it, though. This season, no matter how much you say holidays, most people mean Christmas. Which is fine. It’s become cultural, and I can ignore it the best I can no matter what it’s called. And when I can control how much I have to hear the songs, it turns out that it’s not so bad.
It’s still not something I would choose on the regular, though. I’m not a sentimental person in general. which is why I don’t do traditional shit. This year, however, I’m feeling warm and fuzzy towards the world in general. Why? I’m not sure. Probably because I escaped death a few years ago. I felt pretty warmly last year as well. But, again, it’s not for Christmas itself. It’s for the idea of community. For love. For being alive.
I’ll take it. I don’t really care why I feel not terrible about it, but it’s better than the alternative. Tomorrow, I’ll do my usual picknig a million versions of my favorite Christmas carol, but for now, I’m done.
*I have done many, many, MANY screeds on forgiveness–at least the Christian version of it. I will probably do more. THe point being, I don’t forgive or believe in forgiveness. I think it’s a way to keep the abused/oppressed person down, but that is neither here nor there.