I’m hot and swollen and just done with it all. In the last two months, we’ve had several weeks of 90+ temps, and a solid week of ‘feels like’ 102 and above. Yes, we get some 90 and 100 degree, but not like this. normally, I use my air three or four times a summer–it’s been putting in work this year. I’ also have my personal fan going on high 24/7 and drink tons of cold beverages. I’m wearing a tank top and shorts, and I’m STILL hot. To me, 65 is when it starts to get unpleasant for me and 90 is untenable. 100 and above? That just hurts my feelings.
Here’s the thing about the heat–it makes me very sleepy. However, I can’t actually sleep in the heat so I’m getting less sleep than usual. Then I spend the whole day being groggy and working at half-productivity. It’s a vicious cycle because no amount of cold can change the actual temperature outside. And, look, I realize that I’m very lucky. I have a house. I have air. I don’t have to be out in the heat. I don’t do physical labor. And still I hate the heat so much.
In addition, I have a multitude of swollen mosquito bites that are making me miserable. I am allergic* to them and they swell up, lasting for days if not weeks. They are tender to the touch and can sometimes be unbearably itchy. I try not to scratch them as it just makes it worse, but sometimes, nothing can stop that itch.
Pairing the heat with the mosquito bites means that I’m miserable. The temperature is currently climbing and is ‘feels like’ 94. It saps my energy and my will to do anything. Writing, my bread and butter, is interspersed with my bitterness at being miserable. The pandemic has been hell on my concentration and I don’t know when I’ll get my focus back. I am still able to get shit done, but it takes three times the mental energy.
I’m also mad about the pandemic itself. I can’t help thinking it didn’t have to reach this point, but that would have entailed changing the entire fabric of our society. It would mean we needed to have put our collective foot down years ago when the Republicans started going off the rails about science and not pretended that their viewpoint was equally valid. We’d actually need to go even further back and value education again, but I’m not getting into those weeds. Needless to say, it’s frustrating as hell to see all these people blithely ignoring science because of their feels, and what’s even worse, not learning a lesson from it.
I watched a video that had interviewed people who didn’t get the vax and then caught Covid, resulting in a stay in a hospital. One guy said he was getting his vax as soon as he could while another said he still wasn’t getting it because he was skeptical about the vax. As he was hooked up to tubes and shit, he had the nerve to say because it wasn’t FDA and only emergency approved. The reporter noted that the doctor said it was the same with the medicine used to treat the guy, so why hadn’t he balked from having that done to him?
I’m so done at this point. After hearing what he had to say, my immediate response was, “I hope you die.” I’m not proud of it, but the pandemic has shown me things about my fellow Americans that I would rather not know. Such as there are some who will not believe anything that doesn’t fit into their preconceived notions. I mean, I knew that already, but it was really sobering to see how deep it ran with some people. More horrifying was how many people including so-called liberals who were willing to shrug off the lives of the elderly and people with autoimmune issues in their desire to get back to normal.
Normal. God. I’ve never liked that word, but now I loathe it so much. Look, I understand the last year-and-a-half has been hard. That’s an understatement, but I mean it. It’s been brutal on so many people. I get the desire to go back to life in the Before Times, but constantly shortchanging what we need to do is why it’s dragged on for so long. Now, with the lifting of all restrictions, it’s as if everyone has given up. I understand why the governor has done it, but I’m not happy about it. We have just under 50% fully vaxxed in MN. That’s nowhere near herd immunity. And while I’m doubly-vaxxed, I’m not confident that the 95% number covers me. Why? Because they did not use enough POC in the studies nor anyone with autoimmune disorders (I understand the reasoning for the latter if not the former). In addition, with the Delta variant coming in hot, they may not have all the variables accounted for. Yes, science is great, but it’s not infallible. They’re still human beings building on previous knowledge and this is a real-time crisis.
Am I glad I got the vax? Of course. I just wish I felt more secure than I do. I felt relief when I got it and still do, but there are variables that make me less secure than I normally would feel. When I was at Cubs, maybe two other customer had masks on. I don’t think any workers did. They had a sign that said anyone who was vaccinated could treat masks as optional. Which, I mean….How the hell are you going to test for that? I live in a very liberal area with plenty of older folks, but there is no way we have a 99% vax rate.
Intellectually, I know I’m as protected as I can be from the coronavirus. If I mask up and keep my distance, well, there’s nothing else I can do. Emotionally, however, I just want to scream at people who can get the vax, but won’t. I’m so done with it. And this is coming from someone who was skeptical about the vax when it first came out. But, I did my reading and my risk assessment, deciding the risks of getting the vax far outweighed the risks of not.
Side Note: Here is my mini-rant about risk assessment and Americans. One thing I heard over and over again during the heart of the pandemic, even from liberals, was that people had to make their own risk assessments during the pandemic. No! That is how we fucking got into this mess in the first place. In Taiwan, the government were very heavy-handed about it and as a result, they didn’t have ANY cases for several months. Their recent outbreak is an outlier and they are dealing with it swiftly. There are reasons why some of what they did would not and should not fly in America, but they didn’t fall back on individuality and personal freedoms over the collective good. if we had gone into a hard lockdown at the beginning of the pandemic, I can’t help but think we would be in a much better place now.
There’s nothing I can do about it, obviously, but it’s hard not to be bitter. Very hard.
*In the colloquial sense, if not the medical definition. I find the word allergy as the way it’s officially used so confusing. I’m allergic to a plethora of things in nature and this is the acceptable way to use this word in that scenario. “I have allergies” is a common phrase for sneezing at everything in nature. However, in terms of food, it’s used in a much more limited way (and seems to be only acceptable if it means you can die from the thing) so I say I have a sensitivity to something, which sounds less serious. Mosquito bites are in the former, apparently, even though I’ve read conflicting articles about how severe it has to be to be considered an allergy. It’s also called skeeter syndrome which is too cutesy for me.