I have more to say about bias, the double empathy problem, and whatever else happens to be on my mind. In yesterday’s post, I talked about how I have no heart because there is so much hatred in this country right now.
In the Discord I’m in, we were arguing about politics. Well, not politics themselves, exactly, but whether or not America is hopeless. There were those who said though things were bleak right now, there was a brighter day coming. I, on the other hand, was just done. I did not come back from the dead (twice) for this bullshit!
Someone in the Discord was saying that to believe it was hopeless meant ‘they’ won. I knew what they were saying, but at this point, I just couldn’t care. I have been a Democrat since I was old enough to realize what the parties stood for. I was a Democrat by default because I loathed them a little less than I did the Republicans.
Yes, you understand that correctly. I have never been an enthusiastic Democrat because there is just so much wrong with the party. I’m not going to enumerate their faults and flaws here, but suffice to say if I could have found any other party to vote for, I would have. Any other party would have done (except the Republicans, obviously), but that would have been a folly in a two-party system.
I’m also not going to rant about that because I’m not in the mood, but I will say that I have never voted Republican, and I most certainly will not now. When I was on the dating apps (back in the Stone Ages), I had a bio that said I didn’t care about gender, color, religion, or anything except that I would not date a Republican. This was thirty-some years ago, and I feel it even more now. You cannot be a part of the Republican party right now and not have hate in your heart.
Do I have hope? Honestly, I don’t think that’s a revelant question for me. Hope doesn’t pay the bills, and it doesn’t help people in any tangible way. In fact, I would say unreasonable hope is wores than no hope at all. I get it. You don’t want to take all hope away from people, but I don’t want to hope for something that isn’t going to happen.
There is a very thin line between being hopeful and toxic positivity. America is heavily into the latter, and it’s working my last nerve right now. I do know that people have to have some sliver of hope, but things really are dire right now. And I know we have to keep fighting, but it’s so hard. Where is the good news? Where is the sliver of hope? There is none. I have a hard time even checking the news on the daily because it’s unrelenting grim news.
And, not to be whiny (but I’m going to be whiny), some of us have to worry more about the news than others. I was just explaining to my mother the bananapants move by this president. Which one, I can hear you ask. There are so many, and it’s hard to hear about them all.
In this case, it’s this president’s virulent desire to un-Americanize people like me. Meaning, the children of immigrants who were born in this country. There is something called birthright citizenship, meaning if you’re born in this country, you’re a citizen. This has been the way we’ve done it since the beginning (I believe).
There have been arguments about whether it should be that way or not, but this is a first time a president has actively tried to wrench it away. He’s trying with a very limited scope right now, but there’s no doubt in my mind that he wants to expand it to people like me. Never mind that HIS wife is an immigrant. Which, depending on how you look at it, could mean his children are, too. Or at least his youngest.
I know that would never happen, though. Sending his wife back, I mean. Because of course none of these laws are meant for him. Same with the whole ICE horror/shit show last winter. Again, his wife could have been kidnapped and deported under these rules, but of course, there was no chance of that happening.
Think about it. I was born and raised in this country. I have lived my whole life in this country. That’s over half a century. I have been to Taiwan several times, but it’s not my home by any means. I do not want to live there, and they don’t want me, anyway. They would not consider me a citizen of their country if I was deported there, any more than I would.
What does this have to do with diversity training? Well, not much, really. But it is related to diversity, obviously, and how it’s become a dirty word in this country. We were making slow, but somewhat steady progress in terms of embracing different cultures. That’s gone. Disappeared in a puff of smoke.
Am I bitter? Yes. Do I hate my fellow Americans right now? Also yes. Do I want bad things to happen to anyone who voted for the current president? Most emphatically yes.i
Here’s a thing you need to know about me. I try to be very empathetic and to see thngs from other people’s points of view as much as I can. I am told I’m a sap and that I think about others too much. But I’m also someone that once my bowl of compassion/empathy (a term I made up for a one-person performance) is empty, I have a very hard time filling it up again.
And, if I start feeling negatively about something/someone, that’s it–it’s over. My last therapist told me it wasn’t a good thing. I knew that, but that didn’t mean I was able to change it. I’m better at it, but it’s still a problem.
Now, I’m burning with hatred. It’s not coming out, but I can feel it bubbling inside. I am furious with my fellow Americans, and I want bad things to happen to anyone who supports this asshole. In this president’s past term, I was already impatient with people who wanted to cut his supporters any slack. Now, I can’t stand it. It angers me, and I want to punch people in the mouth. Any time there’s a story of a supporter of this president getting done wrong by this president’s asinine policies, i roll my eyes and think, “What the fuck did you expect?”
It’s not pretty, but I’m not about to pretend it isn’t true. I want them to hurt and to feel pain, and I will fully own it. More tomorrow.