Underneath my yellow skin

Third Saturday Social-Media Free

So, this is the third Saturday I’ve been social-media free. I managed to remember it this week and didn’t even peek in the morning when I woke up. I had to check something from one of the people I follow on Twitter, and I managed to do it without looking at my TL itself. It’s a weird feeling of being simultaneously disconnected and in tune. Disconnected from social media and the world at large, but in tune with myself. Which is not necessarily a good thing. I may try extending the blackout through tomorrow if it continues to go this well.

My teeth are hurting. They have been on and off for the past few months. At first, I thought it was a sinus problem, but now I’m not so sure. I know I grind my teeth, and I used to have a mouth guard that was made specifically for me. I bit my way through it though, and it’s not cheap. Anyway, when I eat hot or cold food, my teeth hurt like hell for several minutes. They dully ache at other times. I know I need to see the dentist, but I’ve been dragging my heels on it. I hate going to the dentist for several reasons, not the least because I haven’t gone in a few years, and I’m embarrassed about it. My dentist is really good, though, and I like the dental hygienists, too.

I also should go to the doctor to get my thyroid meds checked again, along with what food sensitivities I might have. I already know I’m lactose-intolerant and have a sensitivity to gluten, but I’m starting to realize that there are other things that affect my digestive system in a negative way.

It’s Sunday. My self-imposed ban of social media is over. I checked my mentions and responded as necessary, but when I started looking at my feed on Facebook, I found myself getting tense. I haven’t even looked at Twitter yet. I think I may go a second day without checking my TL and feed. We’ll see how far I can take this!

On a different note, I’ve been watching more clips of best and worst auditions for various talent shows, and I have a few general tips. One, don’t ever compare yourself to icons like Whitney, Mariah, and Michael (Jackson), let alone sing their songs if you’re not an absolute powerhouse. Match your songs to your personality. Well, first of all, make sure you can sing. After that, though, the song has to match your voice. This young woman who said she sounds like Whitney had this kittenish voice which would have been better suited to…um…well, not Whitney.

I also have a top three list of songs you should never sing in audition. I’ll give you the reason for each. 3. Proud Mary by Tina Turner, especially if you’re a white dude. Yes, I know there’s a CCR version, but people singing it in audition are definitely trying to do the Tina Turner version. From her growl to her wiggle to the outsized attitude, it’s a performance that I have yet to see anyone else pull off. 2. Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen and a million other people. The reason for this is a bit different. This song has been covered within an inch of its life. I love this song and have heard dozens of covers, each better than the last. Most people who try to sing it in audition want to put their own spin on it, but butcher it mercilessly. I have only heard one good version of it, and it’s mostly because the guy’s voice was amazing. The arrangement was pretty pedestrian, but he made it his own.

By the way, I saw David Williams’ comments from the initial audition, and he wasn’t mean at all. Plus, he’s hot. But that’s another post for another time. Anyway, Kyle’s version is pretty much a straight cover, which is why it works for his voice. If you can sing like this, then go ahead and sing Hallelujah. Otherwise, stay away from it.

1. Bad Romance by Lady Gaga.

People. I need to be frank with you. Do not fucking sing this song. Ever. Why? Because it’s so inimitably Lady Gaga and weird, all you’re going to do is look shitty in comparison. I don’t like the song, but I can acknowledge the brilliance that is Lady Gaga. Also, this song is all about bells and whistles, and doing it a cappella will always fall short. Plus,┬áthe intro is strange, and to carry it off without the backup music is almost mission impossible. The auditions I saw absolutely murdered the ‘rah rah ah-ah-ah, ro mah ro-mah-mah’ part. It’s nonsense, of course, but it’s highly articulate nonsense in Lady Gaga’s mouth. In other people’s mouths, it’s mush.

Seriously. Just don’t fucking sing this song.

One more note: It’s better to be awful than bland and boring. William Hung reached a certain level of notoriety by being memorably terrible. Also, if all the judges tell you that you’re terrible, then accept it and move on with your life. All these deluded people is rather disturbing. It doesn’t help to have parents who tell them they can sing when they can’t. That’s a gripe I have about Americans in general, though. This focus on a positive self-esteem has gotten out of hand, and it’s been shown that it’s detrimental to compliment a child on something that isn’t based on reality. In other words, parents are falsely pumping up their children’s confidences when they should be more realistic.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Simon is my favorite judge because he’s brutally honest. Yes, he can be mean, but he’s correct 99% of the time. Well, 98%. Many of the people who audition are deluded, and the more gentle comments don’t get through their thick heads. Simon cuts through the bullshit and gets to the point. My favorite is when the person auditioning says something like, “Who are you to tell me I can’t sing?” Um, the judge. Of the show. Which is why you’re there.

Moving on. I have a few pet peeves I want to talk about. One, being inconsiderate in grocery store/co-op. Do not stand in front of the carts, watching a video on your phone. Do not block an aisle with your cart. Notice if there is someone on the other side of your aisle, move one way or the other. Those are just two I noticed yesterday.

Now, on to driving. I am the first to admit that I am not a good driver. At all. But, there is one thing that I hate more than anything else, and I never do it. Tailgating. People. Cars are two-ton death machines, but we’ve gotten so comfortable with them, we’ve forgotten that. If I have someone tailgating me, I’ll move out of the way if I can, but if I can’t, then I have to grit my teeth and hope the person behind me won’t hit me. You may think you can stop in time if the person in front of you slams on the brake, but you can’t if your front end is up their ass bumper. Also, the constant braking by the tailgater is annoying as hell as well.

Anyway, those are my pet peeves for the day. I have plenty more, but those are the three irritating me most right now.

Let’s talk about cooking videos now. Why? Because I can. I’ve decided that I need to at least learn some simple recipes to hopefully ease my digestive issues. The problem is, I’m doing it simply for health reasons, and I don’t like the bullshit behind the paleo mentality (which, apparently, is what this diet is similar to). In addition, most of the video producers aren’t professionals, obviously, and they have a tendency to meander all over the place. They’re mostly women, and we tend to have a confessional approach when talking. I don’t care about your trips to Target or if your car broke down or whatever. Again, I may be in the minority, but I just want the recipe. I don’t want a minute intro telling me to follow them on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and whatever. Just. Give. Me. The Recipe.

Sigh. I’m done for now. Later.


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