Underneath my yellow skin

Tag Archives: avoidance

The tension between

I tend towards inertia. I know that’s true in general, but it’s really strong in me. Even if I’m in a negative situation, I will suffer through it rather than take the necessary steps to change. For example–my health. Right now, it’s a hot steaming mess. I’m very bitter because I had almost three years…three? Two? It’s three. Beginning of May, 2017, is when I cut dairy and gluten out of my diet. So, two-and-a-half years of a decent digestive system before it exploded on me again.

I was reading a thread on AAM about Celiac Disease, and the OP was saying she had been gluten-free for two years. Slipped recently, and has had issues since. Doctor said she had to go back on gluten in order to be tested for Celiac. Her question was if it was worth it or not. I had a similar situation in that the last time I talked to my doc, she informed me I’d have to go back on gluten before I could be tested for an allergy/intolerance to it.

One of the commenters in the above thread said that she had to do that and while it was worth it in the end, she felt as if she were poisoning herself at the time. That’s exactly how I feel about it, though I had never really thought about it in that way. I already know that I have a bad reaction to gluten and dairy, so why the hell would I put myself through it deliberately? I’m pretty sure I don’t have Celiac, but it would be comforting to have an actual diagnosis. Also, adding back foods one by one is a way to pinpoint which specific foods make my stomach react. I would love to be able to add cheddar cheese back into my diet, for example, but I’m very afraid of having a negative reaction to it.

Intellectually, I know it’s not the worst thing in the world. Yes, it’s uncomfortable to sit on the toilet for an hour and have a raw asshole by the end. It’s not great to have a cramped and bloated stomach, either. It’s not going to kill me, though, and it’ll be gone in the morning. In other words, it’s an intense feeling, but a transient one. In addition, I’m in the ideal position to do this experiment because I’m never far from the bathroom.

I’m taking the reintroduction phase of the diet slowly, and so far, garlic is a no-go and onion and honey are fine. In the aforementioned thread, the OP asked if an instant negative reaction to any given food was enough or if they should give it time. I was interested in the responses which were varied. They seemed to tilt more to the bad reaction not getting better over time. I would love to be able to keep garlic in my diet, but the reactions were not great.

It’s a question of short-term discomfort versus long-term health. It’s the uncertainty that gets to me, though. If I could know that in a week or two I would be able to adapt to the food in question, then I would suffer through the immediate pain without qualm. I know that’s not the way this works, though, so I have to just deal with the discomfort as it arises. For now, garlic is on the no list. When I’m done with everything else, then I’ll see if I want to try it again. Because garlic!


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Obligatory Holiday Post

Anyone who knows me at all knows that I’m not a holiday person. At all. For many years, I had a revulsion to most of them for good and not-so-good reasons. Christmas: way too commercialized, long-drawn, and exclusive (in the true sense of the word, not meaning swank or posh). V-Day: made-up holiday making men feel pressured to buy expensive shit for their girlfriends (very heteronormative), make grand gestures, and it’s a recipe for disappointment. Independence Day: it wasn’t.

I could go on and on, but I won’t. A funny thing happened this year, though. I ended up not caring about Christmas in the best way possible. I don’t watch TV, and I have ad-blocker online, so I didn’t have to see the excruciatingly terrible commercials associated with Christmas, which really helped. Yes, it was irritating to hear the music on the radio or in stores, but that was really time-limited, which helped. So, here we are the day before Christmas (Christmas by the time this gets posted), and I don’t even know how I got here. I am surprised at how quickly this year went, but that’s a different post.

I tweeted and posted on my FB wall about how strange it was to go from hating Christmas to not caring about it (in a positive way). I think it’s taiji, but I’m going to attribute most positive changes in my life to taiji. Anyway. Here are my two favorite Christmas songs. First, Vienna Teng singing The Atheist Christmas Carol.

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