Underneath my yellow skin

Tag Archives: dark side

The sickness in my mind

I’m a weird amalgamation of, well, everything.  I’ve talked endlessly before about how weird I am in so many ways. Another is that I am always about the underdog and try to find a reason for why people do what they do. But, I also have a voice inside my head that is constantly criticizing everything and everyone. Mostly me, but other people, too.

I try to take the high road. I really do. At least outwardly. I know it’s the right thing to do, but there’s a small part of my brain that, well, is a right nasty bitch. The same part that produces the voice above, quite frankly. Nasty voice. Really nasty. Like, “Fuck you, asshole! Step the fuck back before I rip your nuts off and cram them down your throat” nasty. And, “No one would care if you die” nasty. I’ve learned to keep it to myself, but it’s there.

Side note: I have a psychology background–probably partly spurred by my mother. I also inherited a fair amount of charisma from my father. In addition, my intuition about people is off the chains. I know things about people they don’t know about themselves and things that they wouldn’t want others to know. In addition to this, I can feel other people’s emotions and I know their weak points. The latter is because I’m really good at reading people. I’m not infallible, of course, and when I fail, I fail spectacularly.

Most of the time, however, I’m pretty accurate. I don’t normally bring up my observations unless I’m asked, but they’re in my mind. I hate feeling like Cassandra (the oracle), but I do more often than not. There is so much I keep to myself, and it’s one reason I’m practically a hermit.


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