Underneath my yellow skin

Tag Archives: menstruationsplaining

Loose Lips Are Bad For Periods!

fix those loose lips, yo.
Grab a tube and seal it shut!

Ladies, have you ever been going about your day, perhaps doing Downward-Facing Dog in yoga class and wondering if the pot roast will be ready for dinner by the time you get home, when suddenly, you think, “Is my tampon doing enough for me? Is it going to absorb all the blood that my body is gushing out during my period?” Or perhaps you’re driving to your daughter’s school to pick up little Lizzie from soccer practice, and you’re suddenly afraid your pad is overflowing with blood. Never mind that you’ve been dealing with your period since you were an early teen and could apply the tampon or pad in your sleep–now, it’s all you can do not to be consumed by the very natural bodily process that most women deal with for most of their lives.

Well, fear no longer because a Wichita chiropractor, Daniel Dopps, has got you covered with his newly patented Mensez Feminine Lip-Stick! Lip-stick. Because it’s like a lipstick and because it makes your lips stick. Get it? Isn’t he so clever? Plus, Mensez is a play on menses, and it sounds like men, so this is the labia lipstick strong enough for a man, but made for a woman. From the above link:

Mensez feminine lipstick is a natural patented compound of amino acids and oil in a lipstick applicator that is applied to the labia minora and causes them to cling together in a manner strong enough to retain menstrual fluid in the vestibule above the labia minora where the vaginal opening and urethra exit. The Mensez compound is instantly washed away with urine, which releases the menstrual fluid along with the urine into the toilet every time a woman urinates. No pads or tampons are needed. Safe, secure and clean.

Sounds great, right*? I mean, what woman doesn’t want to glue her vag shut for three days and retain a pool of blood up inside her body? What girl hasn’t dreamed of such a thing?

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