I’ve been ranting and raving about the Weinstein situation ever since the news broke. I’ve written about it here several times, and I’m sure I’ll be writing about it again in the future. This post is not about Weinstein, not directly, anyway. In the wake of the whole debacle, a day of ‘me, too’ emerged on Facebook. The point was to write ‘me, too’ as your status on FB if you’re a woman who’s been sexually harassed/assaulted, etc. It started, I assume, to model itself after the #MeToo on Twitter, which I didn’t see while it was happening. Please note: I know men are sexually assaulted, too. I would have been supportive of any man or nonbinary individual who stood up during the day of ‘me, too’. However, the microaggressions and sexual harassment that happens on a daily basis are more common for women, much more common, so that’s what the focus of ‘me, too’ was. I just wanted to get that out of the way so there won’t be a derail. Yes, men are abused, too. Yes, women are abusers. On with the post.
I didn’t participate in the day of ‘me, too’ except to click the sad face emoji on women’s posts. Why? It’s not because I haven’t experienced sexual aggression/harassment/abuse; I have. I’ve written about it on my blog several times. I’ve been very honest and open about it in the past. I am not ashamed of my past (well, not as much as I used to be. I’m still working on it), and I have no problems with discussing it if asked about it. It’s not because I haven’t talked about it on FB; I have done that as well. I have no problems with posting statuses about it, especially in connection with whatever current event is happening (see, Weinstein assholery). I’ve ranted on the mean Twitter streets ad nauseam about my experiences and railed against the inequities of our society that allows this bullshit to continue.
So, in theory, when I saw the ‘me, too’ posts on Facebook (I didn’t hear about the #Metoo on Twitter until after the fact), I should have been the first one to write a passionate post about it with a ME, TOO shouting in the lede paragraph. I should have written about the sustained sexual abuse, the date rape that turned into an abusive relationship, the friends who’ve cornered me while they were drunk and pawed me while I waited for them to let me go. I should have written about living in the East Bay when I used to walk everywhere, and I couldn’t leave my house without getting hit on. I especially remember one drunk white dude coming up to me when I was stretching before my walk, pressing close to my body, leering at my tats and showing me his. How he laughed at me as I ran away, and how my heart was pounding because I was afraid he’d follow me. In broad daylight. I should have written about when I was in Thailand with my college and staying at a hotel. There was a worker who started hounding me whenever I was in the lounge. Asking if I had a boyfriend. Hovering. Not going away even though I studiously ignored him. Making suggestive statements. I stopped hanging out in the lounge. When I later told my teachers about it, they said maybe it’s cultural* and brushed it off.
I should have written about how I used to have an avi of my chest tattoo on Twitter, but I took it down because I was tired of guys sliding into my DMs to compliment me on my ‘tattoo’. Side note: I have learned the difference between an honest compliment and one that is dripping with sleaze. Most women can see behind the veil of plausible deniability, and it’s just annoying. I should have also written about being on Craigslist and explicitly saying in my personal ad that I don’t want anyone with an Asian fetish or dick pics and having So. Many. Dudes. disregard either or both of those requests.