Underneath my yellow skin

I’d Like Some Cheese With My Whine

this is my don't fuck with me face.
Go away. You’re bothering me.

I’ve been in a weird mood lately which I’ve documented before. I’m depressed, but I can recognize I have no reason to be depressed. It’s not internal; it doesn’t feel internal; it’s still depression. As a result, I’m more irritated than normal, which is pretty irritated to begin with. I have a bitchy voice in my head almost constantly, but I don’t usually give voice to what it’s saying. It’s like having the MST3K guys in my head giving commentary to what’s happening, but twice as snarky and half as funny.

Speaking of cheese, it’s the one thing I really miss. I’m surprised how little I miss bread (I don’t miss it at all. I do have some substitute bread, though, which is pretty tasty, too), pasta (can still eat pho!), milk (flax milk, yo!), and ice cream (cashew milk ice cream is better than the real thing). Cheese, though. Daiyu shredded pepper jack is a decent substitution for sandwiches as long as it’s melted, but I have yet to find a fake cheese I’d snack on by itself.

I’m having digestive issues again, and a few nights ago, I had a really bad stomach ache immediately after eating grapes. I Googled it because of course I did, and I found out that both grapes and cherries (and I was eating both, but the stomach ache came after eating the grapes. I ate the cherries after) can cause cramps and diarrhea for different reasons. Part of it is ramping up the fiber so quickly, and there’s also a question of fructose with grapes. Either way, it means I probably won’t eat as many grapes in the future. I may have to try other fruits so they’ll be less irritating on my stomach.

I also had problems after eating bananas, which is frustrating. I’m trying to be healthier, and my body just doesn’t appreciate it! Oranges are not a problem. Neither are blackberries. I really like pomegranates, but they’re such a pain in the ass to peel. Mangoes are tasty, but they irritate my tongue. Same with pineapple. I should eat more melons; I’ve never had a problem with them.

Moving on. I try not to get pulled into what this president is tweeting because there’s no point in it, but others will RT him, and I can’t avoid him completely, as much as I’d like to. He’s been at the G20 (gulp), and he had Ivanka sit in for him at some meeting. Again, I’m not paying really close attention, but that was enough to make me wince. She’s not qualified to be doing anything at the G20, but that’s this president’s mentality to a T. He doesn’t care about qualifications at all, and if he likes you, that’s the only qualification needed.

I’ve railed about ┬áIvanka before, even writing an open letter to her, but I know it’s meaningless because for whatever reason, she’s the one person this president trusts (as much as he can, anyway), and she’s not woman enough to say no to daddy. Anyway, there was pushback from the left on this president allowing his daughter to take his place, as there should be. He responded by tweeting that if Chelsea Clinton had sat in for her mother while her mother was selling off the country, the FAKE NEWS (caps his) would be saying Chelsea for president.

I had to read the tweet three times to make sure he said what I thought he said. First of all, it was a stupid comparison for several reasons. More importantly, though, he was owning himself with this tweet. In this comparison, he’s saying he’s selling out the country. I mean, he is, but I wouldn’t have thought even he would be stupid enough to admit it. It hit me a minute later, however, that he wasn’t actually trying to tell on himself, but to paint Hillary in the worst way possible. I don’t know if it makes it better or worse that he self-owned on accident, but it’s totally him.

To add insult to injury, his pale copy (Junior) also tweeted, saying if the left was upset about Ivanka, he should take her place. What a small, petty, stupid man. If he weren’t so utterly repulsive, I would actually feel sorry for him. Why? Because he’s clearly inept and in fear of his father, but he’s unable to break away from him, either. He’s the oldest of the three older kids, but he’s always in Ivanka’s shadow. Whatever gripes I have about Ivanka (and the list is long), she’s clearly the cream of this sorry crop. She’s the golden child, and she’s milking it to the fullest advantage. I’ve marveled at how Junior and Eric have essentially disappeared after the election, but not Ivanka. She’s riding that gravy train for all its worth, and if she weren’t also contributing to the demise of America, I would applaud her for her hustle. Sure, it comes at the cost of her soul, but who needs a soul, anyway?

I’m cutting way back on Twitter, anyway, because it’s so draining. Political Twitter, anyway. I know I have to remain aware of what’s happening in the world, but I don’t need to drown in it. One of the things I both like and don’t like about Twitter is that anyone can respond to your tweets. It makes for some interesting conversations, but it also invites abuse. I have a theory why I don’t get as much shit as most outspoken women do–because I rarely if ever use my picture as my avi. I used to have a pic of my tattoo on my left boob as my avi, but that caused a lot of lonely and desperate dudes wanting to slide into my DMs, and I was not about that life. My name has grrl in it, but people look at avis much more than names, anyway.

I’m horny, and I’m grumpy about it. It’s been years since I’ve had sex, and I can’t be stuffed to do anything about it. It’s my sad fate that I love sex so much, but I’m so bad at procuring it. It’s because I have to actually meet and talk with people, which is not my forte. I can talk fine, but I hate doing the things necessary to meet people. Plus, I don’t like small talk, even though I’m competent at it. Seriously. I just want to have a fuck buddy with whom I can have dinner (that they make for me), watch a movie or game, fuck, then go home. I’ve realized that I don’t want a romantic relationship because it’s too emotionally draining for me. It’s a problem for me because when I’m in a romantic relationship, I become consumed by it. All I can think about is the other person, to the detriment of the rest of my life. In addition, I really like my alone time, and I chafe when I feel like I’m accountable to someone else.

Go ahead. Call me selfish. It probably is, but it’s better that I know it than that I try to pretend I’m fine with living in someone else’s pocket. I also got told (implicitly) that I was selfish for not wanting to have children, and while I don’t agree, my answer was it was more selfish to have them if you don’t really want them. It was always a weird thing to hear–that I was selfish for not having children. My other retort was that I wasn’t hurting anyone by not having them, which usually shut people up.

Tangent: I saw an argument in a Wonkette article’s comment section (yeah, yeah. I know) about being mean to vegans, and one vegan-supporter insisted that not eating meat is the biggest thing we can do for the planet. Someone else retorted that less carbon emissions would matter more. The one thing no one talked about is not having children. Having kids does so much damage to the planet, so I’m surprised it’s not brought up more often. No, I’m not really surprised because children are sacrosanct for many reasons, but I would think it could at least be mentioned in the conversation about being environmentally friendly. ┬áI will admit that if someone is being snotty about saving the planet, I at least think it in my brain if not say it out loud. The fact that I don’t have children means I can set my AC at 78 with little to no guilt, especially as I have my heater set at 62 during the day and 60 at night.

Back to Twitter. The fact that it’s all public makes etiquette difficult. Like, I wouldn’t interrupt a conversation between strangers I’m overhearing in public, but on Twitter, it’s not as if they’re talking to each other in private. I’ve seen that argument, and it doesn’t make sense to me, even though I agree in theory. I tend not to jump into Twitter conversations unless I know the people and I actually have something worthwhile to contribute, but I can understand why people get confused for getting yelled at for stepping in. In addition, the anonymity of the internet makes it so easy to be a dick to people online. You’ll say things you would never say to a person’s face. Also, there seems to be more people with mental issues who are heavy online users (myself included) than are in the gen pop.

I wish there were female YouTubers that I enjoyed watching. There are a a couple, but they are few and far between. I’m talking specifically in the world of gaming, which is still pretty hyper-masculine. Most of the women who are successful with it copy many of their male counterparts’ mannerisms, and it’s so fucking annoying.

Be more considerate in public. In general. Notice where other people are around you and act accordingly. It’s really annoying at the co-op when people stand in front of the hot bar without moving when it’s clear that I’m waiting my turn. It’s even worse if I’m there first and someone invades my space to survey the hot bar. I remember this one woman doing exactly that, and my death glare had no effect on her. She even tasted something as I was trying to get around her, and I really wanted to push her out of the way. Ironically, she was in front of me at the checkout line, and she had two items, but she took her goddamn sweet time paying for them. Such an annoying woman.

I know I over-caretake other people’s emotions, but I think in a civilized society, you have to at least pretend to give a damn about the people around you. It’s not all about you, but many people don’t realize that.

OK. Those are the things annoying me right now. What’s not annoying me is Shadow snuggling by my right thigh, his front paws stretched out in front of him, slowly falling asleep. That’s pretty damn fantastic.

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