I have OCD traits/tendencies. Plus, I have aspects of ADHD in that I have that hyperfocus when I’m interested in something. I’m savvy enough to know when I’m obsessing, but I’m not always able to cut it short. I try my best, but sometimes, I’m just going to have to blab on and on about it.
It’s interesting. I have ADHD traits as well as autism traits, but I also have off-the-charts EQ. I used to have depression and anxiety as well. It made for a poorly-shaken cocktail of flaws. So I can talk for ages about something I’m obsessed with, but I’m aware enough to know that I’m probably boring people to death. Sometimes, I have the discipline to shut the fuck up, but sometimes, I need to keep talking about the beauty of the Double Saber Form. That is just where I’m at, and I will stay happy there for my whole life.
I have been putting on a song I like (on YouTube) and then letting it just play the playlist it has curated for my entire weapons forms pracitice. I will also do my own curation, meaning, I’ll put on a new video each time an old one ends.
I joked with my teacher that I’m going to do a booty-themed playlist. Why? I mentioned it in a past post that Taiji has given me a booty. It’s not a JLo booty, but it’s definitely firm and squeezable. Thousands of repetitions of Golden Roosters have made my booty pop, and I could not be happier.
Because of this, I want to make a booty-based playlist to do my weapons forms to. Anaconda by Nicki Minaj. Booty by JLo, featuring Iggy Azalea. Rump Shaker by Wreckx-N-Effect, and, of course, the glorious Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-A-Lot, especially the version with the Seattle Symphony. I want to work Lizzo in there, but she doesn’t have a song specifically about her ass, I don’t think.
I want to glorify a part of me I previously hated. I am Asian. I cannot tell you how flat my ass was before I took Taiji. It was almost concave, much to my embarrassment, shame, and sorrow. I had tits for days, but was sadly lacking in the ass department. It’s like
Side note: I was looking at Dance Ten, Looks Three from A Chorus Line. None of them had big boobs. None. Talking about getting a boob job when they had maybe B cups. Asses, yes. Those looked nice. But their boobs were still small. Seriously!
Anyway, back to my lack of ass. It made me so sad because I loved a nice, juicy ass. More cushion for the pushin’! So, after ten years of Taiji, I was ecstatic to see that I ACTUALLY HAD AN ASS. It wasn’t huge, but it was noticeable. And firm. But still squooshy. This was years of different signle posture drills, especially the Golden Roosters.
I love my body. Body for DAYS. I have body, ody, ody, and I’m thrilled. I have always loved my tits. They’re annoying at times, yes, and they get in the way, but they are big, bodacious, and beautiful. Who doesn’t like pillowy boobs?
Better than my boobs, though, are my biceps. Hey! Boobs, biceps, and butt. That’s the trifecta of body B parts that have improved with Taiji. Well, not my boobs, but they are one of my best body parts and they start with B, so I wanted to include them. Boobs are amazing. I love boobs, especially my own.
But let’s talk biceps. I am a mesomorph and I run towards muscular. I make muscles really easily, which makes me happy. I much prefer muscular to skinny, but not veiny muscles. I used to lift weights (with hand weights), and that was good for muscles. There is a Taiji weight set that I did for a while, which was nice, too. But I gave it up because the weapons forms were a stronk weight-building exercise and did not need to do the weight set any longer.
My last ex was a hot mess, and one thing that upset him was that I had bigger biceps than he did. He was 6’4″ and 280 or so, but he did not tend towards muscles. When he saw my biceps for the first time, he got mad. He said that they were bigger than his, and that seemed to make him feel emasculated. I tried to be sympathetic, but he could not get past it. Finally, I pointed out to him that he, too, could work out if he wanted. You can probably guess that he was NOT happy to hear that, but I did not care at that point.
In my childhood, I’ve always had thick thighs and chunky calves. I was born that way, and it made me self-conscious at that time, but now, I’m thrilled with it. It’s funny. I have done weightlifting periodically, but now, I have great muscles, and I put no thought into it. Yes, I do weight-bearing activities, but because I love weapons. I know that I’m firming up the bird wings on the underside of my arms when I do my weapons and am building more biceps, but it’s not the main point of the weapons forms.
Moving over to Bagua. Walking the circle with the 8 palms, but with the DeerHorn Knives has also been sculpting my arms. Walking the circle in general, now that I’m doing both forward and backward, single palm change, is working my legs as well. It’s funny how when I talk about Taiji, I think I’m making sense. When I talk about Bagua, though, it sounds like another language–probably because I’m not used to it yet.
I want to spar when I’m doing Bagua. That’s the aggression I was talking about in a previous post. I don’t want to hurt someone, but I do want to go at it. It’s a strange feeling for me, and it only comes out when I do Bagua. When I practice Taiji, I’m all about being chill and as smooth as possible. It’s meditative and a nice walk in, ah, not nature because nature hates me, but a nice walk in simulated nature!
Bagua is about fighting. I want to fight someone, and I want to leave feeling exhausted. It’s funny that it’s Bagua that does this to me. And I’m excited by it! I want to fight. I want to get rough and tough. I want to feel it for days after. The first time I felt this, I was freaked out. I mentioned it to my teacher, and she reassured me that it was just my natural survival instinct. It’s coming out every time I do Bagua now, which is really interesting to me. I don’t have any moral judgment of it, but it’s not something I’m used to. I love Bagua. I am looking forward to learning more about it.