I’m back to talk more about my martial arts in the next year. Before I get to that, though, my god. My sleep is so off the rails. Like, this is the worst it’s been in quite some time. Ugh. I’m trying very hard to get it back on track, but for whatever reason, it’s just not working.
Back to martial arts.
By the way, I still think immediately ‘taiji’ and then add ‘bagua’ afterwards. I’m fine with that as I’ve been studying Taiji for fifteen years and Bagua less than one. Or right around one. This is the post from yesterday in which I talk about the Double Fan Form and how close I am to f inishing it. Soooooo close. In fact, I could have finished it by now, but I’ve been pacing myself. I don’t want to rush at the end just to say I have it finished.
I’mma be real with you. I am very proud of myself for sticking with it. I have never had this much trouble with a form before,, and I had to really push myself some days to get it done. I’m weird in that I either quit right away when I can’t do something or I push myself past the point where it’s smart or reasonable.
To be fair, I have proven I can do it this time. Well, I have one posture left to go, but I don’t think I’m speaking out of pocket by declaring it finis (at some point soon).
What’s next? I can’t help but think about it because I’m that close. I know I’ve said that I want to focus on refining the forms I alreadyy know, but I can’t deny that mumur in the back of my head saying, “But what about a new form?”
“Oh, you should just CTFO and refine the forms you already–”
“Ok, but what about a new form, though?”
Now, I’d like to tell you that I will be mature and work on refining the forms I already know. That I’ll be thoughtful and reflective next year so my current forms will be better. I do think I’ll do some of that, but I also know myself. I am going to teach myself another form. Or I’m going to create a form.
Might as well shoot for the top, then. Swimming Dragon Form (hands only) on the left side. Plus, my teacher’s teacher’s Bagua Form with Deer Horn Knives. Or maybe I’ll create a Swimming Dragon Form with the Deer Horn Knives. It’s going to be something with the Deer Horn Knives. I can tell you that much. They are my favorite weapon, and I am excited to do an actual form with them. It’s the whole reason I started learning Bagua.
If I could have started with the Swimming Dragon Form with Deer Horn Knives,, I would have. But, my teacher told me I had to learn it with hands only first, and I was fine with that. I was not going to go against her because that was unthinkable. In addition, I knew it was better to get a base (hands only) before building on it (with Deer Horn Knives). Now, though, I’m comfortable enough with the–
Wait. I must say that I’m still not comfortable with the mud steps. I know what I’m supposed to do with it, but it doesn’t feel comfortable yet. I’ll get there one day, and I’m not waiting for that day before moving onto the Swimming Dragon Form with the Deer Horn Knives. Or, as I said, the basic form with Deer Horn Knives that is (I presume) my teacher’s teacher’s form. It incorporates the walking the circle that I do every day, as well as other movements. And, more importantly, there is a video of it so I don’t have to go scrounging around to find one.
I do want to learn a Double Sword Form; I still cannot find one in our lineage. There are Chen-style ones and ones outside of Taiji, but none in Taiji within the Yang lineage. To be fair, the Double Fan Form I’m teaching myself is also Chen-style, which means I have to negate the deep, deep knee bends.
I know it’s going to be hard to find a Double Sword Form. I have looked and looked for one to very little avail. I did find one in my lineage, but this was a while ago, and I can’t find it again. I have found a few in my lineage, but they’re not great. I have found a couple that are not Yang style which…I mean, it’s not ideal, but like I said, I’ve done it before.
My teacher’s teacher said that I could do the Sword Form with the second sword doing the things the helping hand would do. I’ve tried it, but it doesn’t seem great to me. I may try that again or one of the other Double Sword Forms I have found. Or just create one of my own.
I think that might be one of my side missions in the new year with martial arts–creating my own form. And, there. I just said it out loud. That means that I’m going to do it. Maybe to music. I love practicing my weapon forms to music, which I haven’t done in some time. I love dancing around to music in general, and it makes me feel so good to do my weapons to music.
I think I can now say I’m firmly an advanced student. Plus, I have a solid base. I can actually think about creating my own form without feeling like a complete imposter. You know how when you’re a kid, you look at someone in their twenties and think they’re so sophisticated and mature? Then, you get to their age, and you think someone who is forty is so mature and cool? Etc.? That’s how I feel as a student of Taiji and now Bagua. I never feel like an expert or even very good at it.I have been pretty piss-poor in my refinement (which, come to think of it, is me in general. I’m good at learning shit. I’m good at doing things quickly. I’m not good at perfecting them).
I’m done for now. More later.