Underneath my yellow skin

My health is on my mind, and my mind is on my health

all the dumplings.
Oh, how I miss dumplings!

I am an idiot.

I recently read the ingredients in a veggie burger I commonly buy. I don’t know why I hadn’t read it at the time as normally I am very rigid about that, but for some reason, veggie burger in my mind equaled GF/DF. Which is ridiculous because I am the first to point out that vegan is not the same as GF. Anyway, it had both wheat and dairy (most likely traces), which is one thing that has been causing me problems. I am not going to eat it again, obviously, but it underscored how I need to be hypervigilant about what I eat. Which I definitely am not.

In the last week, I’ve had two episodes of eating something that previously had not caused any problems and then immediately having to run to the bathroom. Then, it was a half hour of communing with the commode while cursing out my stomach. It happened once before this a few weeks ago, which I wrote about. That time it happened, I woke in the middle of the night and had to run to the bathroom again. I barely made it in time because I was dazed with sleep, and I nearly fell asleepĀ  while I was on the toilet. That was a surreal experience, and it’s one I don’t want to repeat again.

I thought it might be the peanut butter (all natural) that had caused the reaction, so I switched to cashew butter which has a milder flavor. I prefer peanut butter, but the cashew butter was a good substitute. It was fine the first few times I used it, but the third or fourth time, I had the same reaction and raced to the bathroom.

I’ve used that brand of GF bread with no issues for several months, so unless they changed their ingredients (which, you never know), it’s not that. I don’t think it’s the jam, but again, who knows? That’s the most frustrating things with food allergies–it’s a bunch of ‘who knows?’. The second incident happened after I made an egg salad sandwich with the same bread, lactose-free cream cheese, and egg salad from the co-op. There is no ingredient in the egg salad that I recognize as something I can’t have, but I’ve had a bad reaction to the egg salad before. I also thought it might be the lactose-free cream cheese because it still has < 1% lactose, which is greater than 0%. I’ve had the lactose-free sour cream (made by the same company), and I haven’t had any intense reaction to it, but I’ve had a squidgy stomach in general for the past few weeks.

It’s really depressing because it makes me not want to eat at all. If every time I eat I have to worry about racing to the bathroom and staying there, well, that’s a disincentive. My asshole has been sore and my digestive system has been grumpy. I know I have to figure out what exactly is fucking me up, but I don’t have the energy to do that.

Speaking of energy, my sleep has been all over the fucking map. I want to get to bed by 2 a.m., but I’m finding it 3, 4, and once in a great while, 5 before I actually go to bed. Now, granted, I used to go to bed at 6 or 7 in the morning and have successfully pushed it back several hours, but I still feel like I need to be in bed by an earlier hour because…um…I don’t really know, actually. Two nights ago, I was watching a video around 11 p.m., and I realized an hour later that I had watched the same portion three times because I had fallen asleep while watching, rewound, then fell asleep again. I conked out for good at midnight. This was the day after DST, so it meant I actually conked out at 11 p.m. That is unheard of for me.

Back to my diet. I don’t want to eat at all. I know that’s not the answer, but it’s what my instinct says. I also know I should give up all processed food and cook my own. That’s also probably not going to happen any time soon. How many times have I used my instapot since I bought it? The same two times that I have written about before. I’m contemplating doing a foods allergy test, which, eh. The last time I asked my doctor about testing for gluten allergies, she said she couldn’t do it if I was already GF (which makes sense), and I don’t want to go back on it just to get it tested.

I’ve also learned in my research that allergies and sinus problems can relate to anger/anxiety issues. yes, I’ve known intellectually that the mind and the body are interconnected, but it’s hard for me to actually embrace it for many reasons.

I know I have to cook or at least make my own meals. I just don’t want to do it. I’m also dealing with a sore throat that I hope doesn’t turn into something more. My health is not optimal right now, and it hasn’t been for months. I know I have to root out the cause–when I have the energy.


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