Underneath my yellow skin

Spicing up my life

I want sex. It’s been more than a hot second since I’ve had it, and now is exactly not the time to seekĀ  it out. There is no way to copulate with six feet between me and another person, and the idea of wearing masks…well, that’s not my kink. I know there’s Skypesex and sexting, but neither are what I want right now. I had no point with that, but I just wanted to throw it out there.

Let’s talk sleep. My schedule has taken a drastic turn for the worse. I’ve been going to bed as late as 5:30 in the morning, which, how the hell did I used to do this on the regs? Part of the problem is Spiritfarer, I’ll be frank. If I start playing it any time after midnight, all bets are off when I’ll actually end up sleeping.

There are deeper reasons, however, and they’re the same as they ever were plus exciting new Covid-19-related reasons. One, the longer I stay awake, the longer I put off having to get up for the next day. No, it doesn’t make sense, but my brain doesn’t care about that. Two, I just don’t sleep well. At all. The weighted blanket has helped as had taiji, but it’s still fraught with all kinds of bullshit.

With all that being said, what I actually want to talk about is cooking. I don’t cook. Or rather, I didn’t cook. I didn’t see the point in it because it’s a lot of work for someone who lives alone. Yes, I know about batch cooking and freezing and whatnot, but I simply didn’t want to do it. I don’t like to cook–yes, yes, I know that’s heresy in this day and age–and I resisted any urge to do so. There’s a whole lot of gendered expectations wrapped up in all that, but mostly, it was just too much trouble.

Here’s the thing about depression as I experience it. I live with a triage mentality every day. What absolutely has to get done and what can be punted down the line. For example, I’m doing laundry today. I should have done it at least a month ago. It’s a bit more acceptable because I don’t go anywhere, but I’m down to skirts and ripped t-shirts. Even in the Before Times, I pushed laundry until the very last moment, but this is beyond ridiculous.

If I make something a routine such as my wake-up taiji regime, then my brain just takes it as an immutable. Again, don’t ask me how it works because I don’t know, but it’s my way of tricking my brain. I get up, take my thyroid pill, feed Shadow, clean the litter, brush/floss my teeth, and then taiji routine. This is sacrosanct, and I don’t question it. Something like laundry, however, which is not done every day, it’s much harder to force my brain to do it. I’ve been meaning to do it for the past two or three weeks, but my brain has overridden all my intentions.

How did I make myself do it this time? Not entirely sure. I just started throwing things down once I woke up, but I had done that a few weeks ago as well. I simply wouldn’t allow my brain to detour from it, which is something else I can do from time to time. Yes, it’s like my brain is a computer that I have to override, which is annoying as fuck.

It’s also hot as fuck here ‘feels like’ 93, so I have the air con blasting. Hey, in my last utility bill, my utility company informed me that I used 24% less electricity than the most efficient customers and 39% less natural gases than the same demographic, so you can take my AC from my cold, dead hands. In addition, I have it set for 78 and bump it down to 76 when I think of it–which is still high in the US. I also don’t use the heater in the winter except maybe two or three times per season as I have it set on 62 during the day and 60 during the night.

Anyway! None of that has anything to do with cooking, which was supposed to be the main thrust of this post. But, it’s indicative of my mind that I jump from topic to topic because I can. I actually wonder if I have ADD traits (no H here) which has been exacerbated by coronavirus. In the Before Times, I had hyperfocus in that I could write for hours or whatnot. Now, however, it’s write for five minutes, tool around the internet for ten. Write for five more minutes, play a game for half an hour. I still get what I need done every day, but it just takes so much longer.

Anyway. Cooking. I’m cutting back on meat, and it’s going really well. I’ve been substituting Beyond products, and they’re really good. The hot Italian sausage is the best, and the beef crumbles are meh. (‘sausage’ and ‘beef’, of course). The patties are good, but they’re not very meat-like. They’re all acceptable substitutes, however.

Here’s the thing, though. I have to cook them on the stove rather than in the microwave. To that end, I bought canola oil and decided to keep it simple by making (gluten-free) pasta. I think it was penne, and while that was boiling up, I fried up the Italian sausage. I got some vegan butter as well, and I put a pat of that on the pasta once it was done. I added salt to the pasta water, of course, then pepper later. I threw the sausage on top along with spinach, and it was very tasty.

I’ve added sensitive pasta sauce when I can find it and cheddar cheeze (fake cheese) as well. I recently bought Mina’s spicy harissa sauce because I’d heard so much about harissa sauce and because Mina? How could I not buy it? And, I bought gluten-free hot dog buns, managed to get more Italian ‘sausage’, so I bought some sweet relish as well. If I made ‘burgers’ then I put lactose-free cream cheese on the bread as well. What I’m saying is that I went all out for that one meal, but it still took maybe ten minutes.

Oh! When I couldn’t find my preferred plant-based meat subs (too many of them have wheat protein in them), I decided to buy some eggs because I goddamn love eggs. Yes, I know they’re not in alignment with my move to be animal product-free, but I still wanted them. So, my first dish with eggs was noodles and eggs. I mean, it’s a common thing in Asian cuisine, so why not? I made an omelet with cheeze, lactose-free sour cream, and spinach and put it over the buttered noodles. It was delish, and again, it took maybe ten minutes. Throw in some harissa, and it’s perfect.

What’s my next step? I don’t know. I’m staying with this for now. I ‘cook’ once a day, which is about as much as I can tolerate. I’ve recently added fried egg, which I put on top of the burger, and it’s the best. Again, it doesn’t taste like meat, but it’s still juicy and ‘meaty’ for lack of a better word. I do have some Asian angel hair noodles, so I may do that with a broth if I’m feeling ambitious–which I probably won’t be.

I’m actually enjoying the cooking, but it takes a lot out of me which is why I only do it once a day. I’m eager to try new things, which is a change for me. Might as well do something with my endless lockdown time.


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