Underneath my yellow skin

Tag Archives: hate

More things I hate that everyone loves (or says they do)

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In my last post, I wrote about things I hated that were universally considered good things. You can read about it here. In this post, I’m gonna continue that roll because it’s my blog and I can do whatever the fuck I want!

Side Note: I have a hack for doing a list in Word Press without it automatically going into list mode–which only allows one paragraph per number and indents each point. I hate that as I like to make my lists the way I want them. There’s a way to manually make the paragraphs, but much easier is to simply do the first point in text rather than visual. Then, you can do the list however you want! You’re welcome.

5. Most popular culture. This is a category that completely befuddles me–and it runs across all pop culture. I recently joked with Ian that I reaffirmed my suspicion that I don’t like video games–I just like certain ones. I was joking, but it wasn’t a joke, exactly. I like FromSoft games and two handfuls of indie games, but other than that, I have rejected probably a hundred games that didn’t grab me for whatever reason. They range from Undertale (Toby Fox), an indie darling, to Mortal Shell (Cold Symmetry), a soulslike, to Fallout 3 (Bethesda), a Triple A game. There were games that should have absolutely been my jam, such as Dreamscaper (Afterburner Studios), Coffee Talk (Toge Productions), and Darkest Dungeons (Red Hook Studios).

Conversely, the games I like are the Dark Souls trilogy (From, natch), Night in the Woods (Infinite Fall), Spiritfarer (Thunder Lotus Games), Cozy Grove (Spry Fox), Hades (Supergiant Games), Binding of Isaac: Rebirth (Edmund McMillen), and Cook, Serve, Delicious! (David Galindo). That’s not the full list, but that’s the bulk of the games that I consider in my top ten. And, yes, FromSoft takes three of those spots. The frustrating part is that I don’t know what links these games together so it’s hard to predict what I will or won’t like in the future.


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10 things I hate that everyone loves (or says they do)

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It’s hard to express how alienating it can be to be on the fringes at times. Hm. That wasn’t very clear. I am on the fringe in many ways. It’s difficult to tell ‘normies’ how tiring this can be on the daily. This is the basis of privilege, I know, but I’m trying to take it down to the granular level rather than looking at it from a macro point of view. I’m not talking about the biggies–racism, sexism, queerphobia, classism, etc. I’m talking about in the little ways. Here are things that are espoused by society {and/or dearly beloved by many) that I will confess I can’t stand. There may be ten; there may not. I’ll go until I’m done.

1. Traveling. Let me say this straight out. I hate traveling. I hate everything about it. I’m talking about the literal traveling because I have so many issues, it’s really difficult for me to be in a place other than my own home. Let’s start with motion sickness. I get it. Bad. In cars and on planes. Not in trains, oddly enough, but I rarely travel by train, anyway. I can use ginger to mitigate it, but it’s not pleasant. I used to do Dramamine for plane travel, which was even worse.

In addition, I hate heat. A lot. I’m very sensitive to it and walking in anything over 70 F degrees will leave me angry and exhausted. When I was in Malta with no AC and a fan that just moved the hot air around–in the summer, no less–it was not good times. I am my worst self in the heat and it’s not pretty. This is not a delicate snowflake situation (I love snowflakes) in which I’m just whining about how much I hate it; heat enervates me to the point of–it’s like a battery being drained. It’s not a matter of toughing it out–it’s actually dangerous to me. The fact that so many people want to pooh-pooh that is frustrating.

Add to that the fact that I have allergies. So. Many. Allergies. I’m allergic to almost everything outside–and I’ll get to that later–so going to a new place means dealing with new allergens. I have never had allergies as bad as when I lived in the Bay Area for a year. That’s when I gave up on (hard) contacts–my eyes were constantly irritated. I also have food sensitivities that makes it difficult for me to eat. Gluten-free can be found. Dairy-free can be found. Gluten-free/dairy-free is not as easy. There are more vegan/gf products, thankfully, but other countries around the world are not aware of these issues (or don’t care). One pleasant surprise at the monastery in Malta was that they had plant-based milk and gluten-free bread, the same brand I really like (Schar), so at least I had something to eat. The one day I decided to say to hell with it and eat the cheese pasta….that was a bad decision.


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An Ode/Eulogy to Valentine’s Day

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Ed. Note: I wrote this on Valentine’s Day, even though it won’t be posted until the day after. Just so there’s no confusion.

I have a complicated relationship with Valentine’s Day. I have always professed to hate it, and I do, mostly, but it’s for more complex reasons than I normally admit. I would tell people when asked (and sometimes unprompted) that I deplored the commercial aspects and being told that I have to buy lavish gifts to demonstrate my love. I firmly believed that you could show your love in many different ways at any time of the year, and I didn’t need Hallmark to dictate when I should display my love, damn it. That was all true and sincerely felt, but there was a deeper, darker reason I hated it so much–it’s because it consistently let me down. Yes, even I, as jaded and bitter as I was, I had bought into the promises and dreams Valentine’s day had fed to me, lies, really, during my teenage years and into my twenties. I wanted the romance, to be wined and dined, and to be made to feel like a queen. I wanted happily-ever-after that was the bailiwick of fairy tales and Harlequin Romance novels. When I was in a relationship during those years, even though I would pooh-pooh Valentine’s Day, I would secretly hope that my partner would surprise me with a magical night. It never happened, and each time it didn’t, I became increasingly bitter. Even though I tried to pretend I was fine with having a low-key Valentine’s Day, I wasn’t. In other words, I was a lover scorned being spiteful towards my ex-lover.

During my thirties, I tried to make my peace with Valentine’s Day, even though I dreaded its arrival every year. I was not in a relationship more often than I was, and each Valentine’s Day was a stark reminder that I was single. Our society is very couple-centric, and it’s not like I need another day to shove my alone-ness in my face. I get enough of that wherever I go–you really can’t escape it anywhere. Back in my thirties, I desperately wanted to be in a relationship, although I would have vigorously denied it. I was an independent, strong woman, damn it, and I didn’t need no man or woman to make me complete. Yet, there was something inside me that longed to be one half of a couple. I couldn’t squash the feeling, no matter how hard I tried. So, much of my bluster about Valentine’s Day was because it made me feel my lack of a romantic relationship keenly, and I hated feeling that way.

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