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The Real Winners and Losers of the Super Bowl

So the round-shaped vessel of the pointy-ball happened last weekend, and I watched it because I’m a casual sports fan, but I was really there for the commercials (as was most of the people watching, I assume). The commercials have gotten increasingly bad over the years, but for whatever reason, I remain hopeful that there will be good commercials. There were a few, but by far the vast majority were bland and boring. There were a few terrible ones, too, but really, most were just forgettable. Here’s my list of winners and losers.


Patriots haters. Like me. The game itself was actually exciting for once, and having the Eagles pull it out at the last moment was the best! Watching Tom Brady get sacked instead of throwing a last-second touchdown pass was a thing of beauty.

Commercial-wise, my favorite commercial was the Peter Dinklage & Busta Rhyme/Morgan Freeman & Missy Elliott Doritos/Mountain Dew mash-up. It was funny; it was fresh; and Missy Elliott is QUEEN. I like the concept, and I love the way it was shot. Also, I would not kick Peter Dinklage out of bed for eating Doritos.

I’ve watched it and the other videos with the foursome several times, and I think they are the best.

However, Doritos had to erase all that goodwill by talking about how ladies don’t like crunching loudly in public and are too delicate to like Doritos dust off their fingers in front of other people, so they were considering ‘Lady Doritos’. The CEO of PepsiCo was saying this ish, and it’s a woman, y’all. They frantically walked it back, saying it was never being considered, but the quote from the CEO was still out there. She actually said they were planning a low-crunch, less sticky version of some unnamed product, but come on. We all know it’s Doritos. We’re not fucking stupid.

Look. I wasn’t going to buy Doritos because of the ad, anyway, but this certainly makes me less likely to buy any Pepsi product. The crunching loudly is the best goddamn part of eating chips, and I’m going to do it regardless of if I’m in public or not.

But! This is meant to be a fun, silly list, so let’s go to my second-favorite commercial (which is second by only a hair). Eli Manning and Odell Beckham Jr. dancing to a song (you know the one) from Dirty Dancing during a Giants practice session with other members of the Giants getting in on the fun.

This made me completely revise my opinion of Eli Manning. The video is joyous and goofy, and it’s done with such passion by everyone involved. It makes me laugh in happiness every time I see it. Odell Beckham Jr. is such a cutie, too!

The reason I like it so much is that they’re all just having a blast, and there is absolutely no whiff of ‘no homo’ in the ad. Seeing all these big burly dudes getting their groove on is so refreshing.

Give me more of this and less of Peyton Manning shilling crappy pizza any day!

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