I have sleep issues; I’ve had them since I was a kid. I still remember when I was six or seven, I would stay up until midnight to read. How? I would place a t-shirt in the crack under my door and then just use a flashlight to read under my covers. Ever since I was seven, I did not go to bed before midnight. I couldn’t. That’s just what I did. That’s always been my sleep pattern, and it’s not something that I can easily change. Any time I try to make a substantial change, I just find myself draaaaaaaagging myself back to my normal time.
The only time I slept a normal people schedule was when I was in the hospital for my medical crisis and for a few months after. Then, I was going to bed at 10 p.m. and getting up at 6 a.m. By a year after I had my medical crisis, I had reverted to going to bed around 2 or 3 and getting up eight hours later. I was the most rested I’ve been in my life. Granted, it took a major medical trauma to get me to that point AND tons of powerful drugs, but still.
I have tried to rein it in and go to bed at a more reasonable time. It has failed miserably every time. I have given up on it, but I’m trying to make sure I don’t go too much further in the sleeping late at night realm. Then again, I have toyed with the idea of pushing my sleep schedule forward to lap back to a normal people decent time.
I just can’t do it. I have tried and tried, but I just haven’t been able to do it. I can pull it back bit by bit, but then I’ll lose it all plus a couple of hours in the next night. So, let’s say I was going to bed at 4 a.m. I would be able to pull it back to 3:30 a.m. for a couple nights, then 3 a.m. for the next couple. I might be able to inch it to 2 a.m., but then a few nights later, it would be up to 5 a.m. again.
I am currently going to bed around 7 a.m. I’m setting myself a limit of 2:30 p.m. to get up, which means I’m not getting a full eight hours. Today, I had an appointment at 10 a.m., so I tried to go to bed early; I really did. I wanted to get to bed by 3 a.m. I think I managed five a.m, but just. I was going to get up at 9:30 a.m., but I woke up at ten to 9 a.m. That’s how I do when I absolutely have to get up at at any given time. And I’m still up. Why? because that’s just how the fuck I am.