Yes, I have more to say about weapons because of course I do. Here is my post from yesterday in which I was comparing Taiji and Bagua. Or rather, how it’s been a journey to switch from Taiji mentality to Bagua thinking.
Taiji is about deliberation, taking your time, reacting, and taking what your opponent gives you. Ideally, you are not the aggressor. You’re not trying to hurt anyone, but if someone happens to get hurt in the process, well, then so be it. You’re calm and chill, and you do just enough to get you out of the situation.
Bagua, on the other hand, is the complete opposite. It’s aggressive, fast, and meant to do damage. As my teacher has told me more than once, in China, if it was known that you studied Bagua, people would side-eye you and consider you dangerous.
I know I talk about vibes a lot, but it really is about the feel of the weapon. Or the discipline (meaning the martial art, not the will it takes to do something) . I was doing the Sword Form (left side) today, and it’s so different from the Saber Form. Or the Cane Form–which I did on both sides with both the cane and the saber.
By the way, let’s talk about how deceptively heavy the weapons are. Not in and of themselves, but moving them through the air takes muscles. Not all of them, of course. The fan isn’t heavy at all, nor is the karambit. The sword is medium, but that saber, though. I bought a nice one after using a wooden one for over a decade, and it is hefty.
I do the right side of the Saber Form every Monday, and the left side on Wednesday. Now, I’m doing the Cane Form with the saber every day. And today, I reinforced the left side of the Cane Form with the saber, which means that…wait. Was it today that I did both the Saber Form and the Cane Form, right and left side? I think so, even though it’s Friday. That is work, yo.
I am including the Karambit Form with this post as that is the next form I want to learn. I have been messing around more with the karambit and the fan at the same time, and I’m actually trying to do it in a methodical way.
It’s thrilling, but I’m a bit amazed at my audacity. How could I even dare to think I could make up a weapon form? I have mentioned before that there are plenty of my teacher’s teacher’s (Sifu) students who have made up weapon forms. Mostly men, much to my dismay. Some of them are solid and some, not so much. But it never occurred to me that I of all people could make my own weapon form.
How the hell dare I?
I dared how I always dare: by doing it casual-like. Meaning, this is how I have to fool myself into doing something scary. I have to tell myself that it doesn’t matter or that I was just having fun with it. Otherwise, I get too freaked out and won’t do it at all.
I know how it sounds because I’m not really fooling myself. I know exactly what I’m doing, So the whole thing sounds like it’s extra. Why do I need to fool myself into doing something I want to do and that nobody would know about, anyway? That’s because that’s how my brain works.
I think it’s because I am (probably) neurodivergent that I have to work against my own brain. Even for something like this, I can’t make myself do anything if my brain is waffling about it. So I have to side step the obstacles by finding excuses for it.
How did this happen?
Well, as I have said in previous posts, I watched the video of Sifu doing the Cane Form with the saber, and something clicked in my mind. I didn’t have to stick to the forms exactly–that’s not what martial arts are about. At least not internal martial arts. I’m not sure it’s a good thing that I’ve let loose the leashes, but we can’t go back now.
I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, mind you; it’s just scary. There is that truism (a hoary old trope) that you have to learn the rules before you break them. That’s how I feel right now. I know the rules of Taiji, so now I can, well, not break them, but make them bend to my will.
That’s part of the deal, by the way, with internal martial arts–they are there to serve you, the student. One thing I appreciate about my teacher is that she will always try to find a way to accommodate me when I need it. What I mean is that if I can’t do a posture, she will find a way for me to do it. There are certain postures in which you need to turn your foot in so far, which I can’t do. My teacher showed me ways to get around it.
She explained the times when there wasn’t a work around, but she wasn’t shaming me for not being able to do it perfectly. Her motto was truly to try your best. And to never feel pain. Stretch, yes. Warmed up muscles, yes. But pain? No. In fact, she said if you’re lightly sweating, that’s fine. If you start sweating heavily (when you’re sick), that’s your cue to stop.
In talking about weapon forms, she said that she trusted me to do as I wanted. Meaning, she knew I took it seriously so I would not do anything to either embarrass her or hurt myself. I am not as nearly into lineage as she is, but I still don’t want to do anything that would bring shame to the lineage.
But again, some of the forms designed by sifu’s students were not great. Some were amazing, but some were…adequate. And the fact that I could tell with confidence is a big difference. So one way I can fool myself is by saying no one ever has to see my form. I mean, it’s not fooling because I literally don’t have to show anyone the form if it turns out to be trash.
But, maybe it won’t turn out to be trash. I can dream, can’t I?
It’s late, so I’m going to end it there and pick it up again tomorrow. I have more to say, obviously, so we could be doing this for another week.