The surrealness of the world around me continues. On many levels, yes, but, sefishly, it’s what’s happening in MN that is occupying most of my mind. Don’t get me wrong. I’m outraged about Venezuela. I’m livid about Greenland. I’m seething over the tariffs and other economic bullshit that is emanating from this administration. But it’s what happening in Minneapolis that is most pressing in my mind because it’s nearest (literally and figuratively) to me.
Even then, I’m careful about how much news I ingest every day. I used to write for a political blogh, so I would watch/read a large amount of news a day. Iwas on the abortion beat, so most of the news I read was infuriating, sad, or depressing. I had to make sure I wasn’t burning myself out, and I did that for a few years.
Once Obama was out of office, I was no longer writing for the political blog. I also wasn’t watching/reading as much news as before. I had reached my limit, and I did not want to steep myself in that world again.
I kept up with the news, of course. I made sure I knew the big stuff. I cursorily skimmed the news, and then I kept it moving.
It’s too easy to doomscroll for hours. There is so much bad news, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, helpless, and despaired. In fact, I feel that way much of the time now. I know that’s what this administration wants, but it’s hard not to remain hopeful. There have been sliver of good news, but so few and far between.
Here’s yesterday’s post. I’m not even going to try to tie it in with this post. Why? Because I’m tired, and I just can’t be bothered. There is a connection, at least in my mind, and I’m going to leave it at that.
I’m still exhausted because of the shots (Covid and flu), but it’s not nearly as bad as it was when I got the three shots on one day. It’s on par with what I normally feel after a shot. Slightly worse, but nothing too noticeable.
I’ve been very careful with not overdoing it as I get better. One good thing about Taiji and Bagua is that it’s not something that you’re going to lose much if you can’t do it for a day or two. Or even a month. Yes, I forgot a few postures in my month off, but I was able to teach it to myself fairly quickly again.
One of the most amazing things about my medical crisis is how I was able to pick up my practice about a week after I got out of the hospital, shaky and tired, yes, but still able to do most of it. Taiji is chill and relaxed. It’s not the same as Bagua, but I did not start practicing that until well after my medical crisis was over.
I know that if I had pushed myself harder, it would just make it worse. I’ve done that before. I’ve done the ‘no excuse’, ‘ give 110%’, ‘push through the pain’ bullshit. It never ended well for me.
Not only is it rah rah bullshit, it’s abelist as fuck. And, not coincidentally, it’s a very Western mindset that relies on the premise that anybody can do anything.
I knew this was bullshit at a very young age, even if I could not articulate it well. When I was six or seven, I would hear adults say I could be/do anything I put my mind to, which even then I knew was not true. Everyone around me was white. Everyone doing anything of importance (including acting) was white. And, in my case, blond.
In fact, when I was eight or nine, a lady told me that she loved my black hair. I didn’t say anything, but I thought, “Why? It’s ugly and black, not beautiful and blonde.” Even at a very young age, I had absorbed the message that white/blonde was better than Asian/black hair. Now, I love my hair, but that was a hard-fought battle.
I found that statement even more repugnant when I was a teenager. I knew by then that I would never be, say, the President of the United States. I mean, there was no law saying it wasn’t possible, but it was the reality of the land. Andw, sadly, still is.If we could not even get a white woman elected, there was no way in hell a fat, queer, apolitical, agender/AFAB person would stand a chance. It would have been as possible as me becoming a WNBA pro.
I have long since thought that it was better to be realistic and honest with people rather than mouth the pablum that anyone can do anytihng. It’s not true, and I would rather be realistic about itthan chase after something that will never happen.
It’s how i feel about games as well. ‘Git gud’ is repugnant for several reasons, and one of them is that it pushes the false belief that everyone has the same abilitites and it’s only a matter of fortitude if they can’t, say, deflect a boss in Sekiro.
This is any ism writ large, by the way. It’s why Minnesotans protested after George Floyd’s murder nearly six years ago, and it’s why we’re protesting now after Renee Macklin Good’s murder as well. “If they had just not been there/done as they were told/showed their ID/etce, this wouldn’t have happened!” It’s called blame the victim, and it’s so fucking tiresome. But it’s also so fucking prevalent and even accepted by many people.
It’s justifying why someone you (general you) admire/like/side with did something bad to someone you don’t admire/like/side with. It’s sports teams 101, as a matter of fact. My side good, your side bad.
I am not a fan of videotaping anything and everything while you’re out and about (it crosses into cringe and sometimes upsetting on the daily), but in this case, I heartily approve. I saw a video on how ICE officers are upset and afraid that their reputations are getting worse. I’m greatly paraphrasing, but you get the gist. Gee, people see with their own eyes you’re beating up innocent people. Hm. I wonder why they might think less of you and not take you at face value when you say that you’re trying to make the city safer for people?
That’s bullshit, by the way. And it’s lies. ICE has been having a difficult time recruiting people. So much so, they’ve had to lower their requirements, and a good chunk of the people applying can’t even past those. Men. Let’s just say it. Men who want to cosplay as tough men who–slip on ice? That will never not be funny to me.
More tomorrow.