Minnesotans have a reputation for being nice. So much so, the phrase ‘Minnesota nice’ was invented to describe it. If you want to be kind, you’d say that we are goodhearted people who will give you the shirts off our backs, then apologize because the shirt isn’t your size. It’s true that we are superficially nice as we will loath to say anything negative to your face. But, oh, how we’ll talk about you behind your back. We’re not much for ‘bless your heart’, but we have our equivalent. Our contempt is mostly conveyed by tone and knowing nods, along with an artfully raised eyebrow. I’m not saying the niceness isn’t real–it mostly is. I’m just saying it’s somewhat shallow as it’s extended to everyone. It’s more perfunctory than completely sincere, but I think it’s better to be superficially polite in public than a complete jerk.
There’s a downside to all that nicety, however, namely repressed anger. Anger is a natural emotion, and it has to come out somehow. I’m not a proponent of expressing it willy-nilly and in full force all the time, but I do think never allowing it to out can make a person do stupid things. Sometimes, it’s directed inwardly, and sometimes, it explodes in a situation that is anonymous, namely, driving a car. Once Minnesotans get in their cars, they become total assholes–me included. I was driving reasonably at the time of my accident, but I’m going to be real with you. I’ve had road rage issues in the past, and I’m pretty fortunate that I didn’t cause an accident while tearing around on I-94 or 35W. I’m much better now, even before my accident, but it’s scary how overtaken by rage I would get when I slid behind the driving wheel of a car. I see a lot of that while I’m driving. Minnesotans are pretty shitty at using their turn signals, which is one of my pet peeves. Even in my angriest of driving moments, I always used my turn signal. Yes, I know you know where you’re going, but I don’t. I would like to so I don’t run into you, if that’s OK with you.
I’ve joked about having a daily PSA on Twitter as to the proper way to drive. I have a running commentary in my mind as I drive because of all the egregious behavior I see. Today, on the way to taiji, there was a guy who started out behind me. He switched lanes, sped up, passed me, and cut back in front of me. Mind you, I was going forty on a thirty, so it wasn’t as if I was dawdling as I drove. Then, he got impatient and switched back to the other lane. He did this a few times, never getting too far ahead. I was mostly in the left lane, keeping an eye on him because I didn’t want him to plow into me in the middle of one of his impatient lane changes. He finally ended up in front of me before moving to the left lane and turning left. It amused me because for all his machinations, he only moved one car up in five minutes of driving.
I’ve also noticed that people are more impatient when they are turning right these days. I no longer assume that I have the right of way when I’m driving straight and approaching an intersection because more than once someone has turned suddenly in front of me even though I have the right of way. Even worse is when the person is sitting at the intersection and turns right before I’m about to enter said intersection. If you’re going to go, go when I have plenty of time to brake. Don’t wait until I’m almost on top of you before turning. In addition, if you’re turning right, it’s right lane to right lane. Do not fucking turn from the right lane into the left lane. That’s not cool, bro. Even more importantly, if you’re going to pull out in front of me, you better drive as fast as I’m driving. It’s so irritating to have someone pull out in front of me and then craaaaawl down the road as if he’s mired in mud. It’s especially frustrating if I can’t go around him in the next lane, and it guarantees that I will be emanating ill thoughts towards him as I follow at a safe distance behind him. I don’t tailgate. Ever.
Another thing Minnesotans don’t get about driving is the concept of zipper merging. You go, then I go, then the person behind you goes, then the person behind me goes, etc. I like to be courteous and allow one person in, but then three or four people try to sneak in behind the original driver. Conversely, sometimes the person trying to merge will just wait endlessly and never merge. It’s not as frustrating as the former, but it’s still weird. I will guiltily admit that I’ve merged at the head of the line before because I know that I’ll be let in. Yes, I know technically that’s the way you’re actually supposed to merge, but there’s an unspoken rule in Minnesota that you’re supposed to merge as soon as you see the sign. Don’t ask me why, but that’s how we do it here, son.
I know it seems as if this post is becoming a list of Minna’s personal grievances while driving, but I do have a point–which I’ll get to in a minute. For now, a few more things that irritate me while traversing Minnesota roads. Have I mentioned the no signal before turning thing? Because that’s probably my top pet peeve. Another is people who switch lanes without checking it’s clear first. I’ve been known to shout, “It’s look, signal, change lanes, in that order, motherfucker!” Look, I know it’s not good for me to get so exercised while driving, and I’m much better than I used to be. Most of this shit is in my head, though I have sent death glares at the idiots around me. I have also smiled at the person who in rush hour is weaving back and forth as I pass him because it’s such a dick move on his part, it deserves a pitying look.
I have been on the receiving end of road rage, and it’s not fun. I was going forward on the road, and someone at the left turn lane on the other side suddenly decided to do a U-turn. He did not have the right of way, and you’re not supposed to do a U-turn if you’re impeding traffic, anyway. I managed to make it through ahead of him because I really thought he’d wait and because I didn’t want to slam on my brakes to avoid him, and that apparently enraged him. He followed me onto the freeway, tailing me as I drove sixty, then sixty-five, then seventy, then seventy-five. If I changed lanes, so did he. I could see his face contorted in rage in my rearview mirror, and I was white-knuckling my steering wheel. I had to exit fairly soon, but I was terrified of this man. I moved over to my exit lane, and he screamed something at me as I passed him by. I was shaking as I drove the rest of the way to where I need to be, and I couldn’t believe how angry this man had gotten, especially when he was in the wrong. That’s one of my failings–I have a hard time accepting that people very often don’t think they’re wrong when it’s so obvious that they are. I’ve gotten in trouble before for taking the other side of an argument with a friend who is passionately defending her point of view. I’m getting better at just shutting up, but it’s not easy.
Some other garden variety driving irritations: texting while driving, eating while driving, shaving while driving–in general, doing anything other than driving while driving. I will say one thing I love about my new car is that the controls for the radio are on the steering wheel. All I have to do is push a button with my thumb rather than fumble with the radio dials with my right hand. I don’t even have to look as I’m pressing on the buttons, so that’s aces in my book. I’m a compulsive radio changer, so it’s nice that I don’t have to move my hands to indulge in my little OCD.
Here’s the thing. I mentioned above that I think the egregious road behavior in Minnesota is because we’re pressured to be so damn nice when we’re actually face-to-face with another human being. We stuff our emotions way down deep inside, and then once we’re in the anonymous safety of our cars, we let it rip. The other drivers aren’t actual human beings that we have to care about, so we can treat them as if they’re merely obstacles in our way to where we want to be. It’s like the internet–we don’t have to look the person we’re insulting in the eye, so it’s easy to troll away. There’s no need for personal accountability when hiding behind a keyboard or a steering wheel. In addition, I think we’ve become too comfortable driving. You’re getting in a ton-and-a-half of metal, and it can be deadly. Yet, we treat it as if it’s completely safe and we’re invulnerable to damage while driving it. We take it for granted that we’ll be OK.
The moral of the story: Don’t be a dick when you drive. Be courteous and pay attention to your surroundings. This is your daily driving PSA.