Underneath my yellow skin

Tag Archives: American exceptionalism

Not knowing where and when to draw the line, part five

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This is yet another post about limits, boundaries, and when to push it and when to rest. In the last post, I touched on not knowing when to do the former and when to do the latter. I will delve further into that concept in this post. Let’s start with Bagua. I’m much more comfortable with keeping my weight back, but it still catches me off-guard from time to time. Early on, I asked my teacher how she remembered what she was doing when (Taiji versus Bagua). She said that she just got used to it and kept them separated in her mind. At the time, I didn’t understand, but now I do.

If I’m doing Taiji, then I’m doing Taiji. I’m primarily forward (meaning my weight is forward), and I’m being receptive of energy. I’m not trying to go hard or be in your face. In fact, I’m just chill and letting the energy flow through me. It’s very much vibes based and not doing too much. Most people can do Taiji (Yang-style, not Chen-style. The latter is really bad for your knees) as long as they just take it slowly and do not try to push themselves hard.

Bagua, on the other hand, I would not recommend to just anyone. If we’re just going by feel, Bagua feels dangerous. In fact, my teacher says that in CHina, people are wary of people who study Bagua. I don’t know how true that is, but I could see it being very true. There’s an aggression to Bagua that is completely absent in Taiji.

When I first started studying Bagua, I wondered how I would be able to make peace with how different they were. I had been studying Taiji up to that point, and the whole vibe of Taiji is to just be chill and not exert yourself too much. Empty step and never be double-weighted.

Bagua doesn’t care about any of that. The motto and mentality of Bagua are to do what it takes to ‘win’. Double-weighted? No matter. No empty stepping? Not a big deal! Take the aggression and run with it. In fact, start the aggression yourself. It’s explosive and a great way to rid myself of any anger I’m feeling (even if it’s only for a few seconds).

Like the yin-yang, Taiji and Bagua are polar opposites that complement each other. One is hot and one is cold. One is light and one is dark. One is day and one is night. They could not be more different from each other, and yet, tthey work really well together.


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When do you know you’ve reached your limits, part three

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I have one more post in me to talk about limits, sunken cost fallacy, and American toxic exceptionalism. Yes, I know it’s American exceptionalism and toxic positivity, but they are one and the same to me. It’s not that I don’t think you shouldn’t strive to do well–wait. Let’s stop there a second. I have to qualify it by saying that it’s good to try to improve yourself. That’s what I’m doing with the different weapon forms. But, in other ways, I have no desire. Like jobwise, I just don’t care. Then, there’s my personal flaws. I want to improve some of them, but others, I have just accepted. I know I’m not changing them, and that is perfectly fine.

The problem is when people feel like everything you do has to somehow work as an improvement factor. Like taking your kids to the park, you should walk briskly so you get in some exercise. It’s beacuse in America, most people are so busy. They need to squeeze in exercise whenever and wherever they can. So many Mom magazines includes ways to use your baby in your exercising.

Which, I mean. I’m sure it’s practical, but not every moment has to be a learning/teaching/exercise moment. This is something I have learned with Taiji. (And now, to a lesser extent, Bagua.) I chose it because it was the lazy person’s martial art. My teacher expressly tells us that the purpose is to exert as little energy as possible in order to have as maximum an output of energy as possible. She talked at length about how bad the American ‘give 110%’ mentality was, and I slowly came to agree with her.

I had a classmate back when I first started who told me an aggravating story. He said that every spring, he would feel inspired to run. Now, mind, he did nothing to prepare for that throughout the year. He would just go out and run like ten miles on the first day of spring that he felt was warm enough to run outside. Inevitably, he would pull a muscle and then not be able to run for the rest of the spring. He did this year after year, and then was always surprised when he injured himself on his first day out.

It’s so American, though. The belief that you have to hurt yourself when you exercise, otherwise you’re not exercising hard enough. “No pain, no gain” is one credo. So is, “Give 110%.” The latter really annoyed me beceause you literally cannot give 110%. I know it’s just a saying , but it’s always bothered me, anyway. It’s been known for quite some time that you cannot give your all at all times. Not just that–it’s not optimal to always push to do your best. Let me draaaaaag out another hoary chestnut–“Don’t let perfection be the enemy of good.”


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When something is truly too hard, part two

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I want to talk more about where is the line between giving it your all and sunken cost fallacy. Here is my post from yesterday in which I was talking about my struggles with the Double Fan Form. I think back to when I laughingly assumed it would take me three months, tops, to teach it to myself.

Remember when I said yesterday that there were two results from the Dunning-Kruger study? One is so well-known, it’s called the Dunning-Kruger Effect. In a nutshell, that posited that people who were really bad at something vastly overestimated their skill and didn’t understand how much worse they were at it than other people. People basically boil it down to people who are bad at something think they’re great, which, of course, is heavily dependent upon different demographics.

The second result they found is the other side of the same coin–that peoaple who are really good at something underestimate how much better they are at it than other people are. Again, that’s vastly simplified, but it’ll do for my  purpose. Which is, most of the time, I am the latter. I always think I suck at something, no matter what. If I can do it, anyone can. Or rather, that’s for things I know I’m no better than mediocre at.

That would include FromSoft games. I am horrible at them, and I think  that if I can finish them, anyone can (within reason, of course). It takes me twice as long to finish one for the first time as it does the most pedestrian of players. That would also include drawing, sadly. I tried to do it when I was a teenager/in my twenties, and I was very bad at it.  I saw no reason to keep trying because I suuuuuuucked at it. Could I have gotten better? Oh, yes. Did I want to put in the effort? Oh, no.

See, this is where it gets fuzzy. My brother and I have argued over the years about nature versus nurture when it comes to the creative arts. Thirty years ago, he was on the side of nurture while I was on the side of nature. That’s too simplified, though.

My brother is extremely talented in photography. I have long maintained that he could do it professionally (and he has done some side hustles as a photog). I, on the other hand, am a person of words. Writing is my thing–or at least it was. Not as sure any longer. I’m trying, and I’m hoping to find a way to break through whatever is blocking me (not a writer’s block, sadly. I would at least know how to deal with that. Even though I’ve only had it two or three times).


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When too hard is truly too hard

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I’ve been thinking about American exceeptionalism and how damaging it is. In this specific case, I want to talk about the difference between confidence and arrogance. There have been studies that show that women (and AFAB, I presume) often underestimate their abilities. Or rather, they don’t apply to jobs that they consider out of their reach whereas men do. That’s a gross simplification, but it’ll do for now.

Let’s talk about the Dunning-Kruger Effect (I promise you this is relevant). Everyone who has heard of it knows that it’s about people who really overestimate their own abilities and think that they are better at something (or all things) than they really are. What people don’t know, though, is the second result the researchers found. It’s that people who are really good at something (or things) vastly underestimate how much better they are at the thing than other people are.

It makes perfect sense as they both stem from the belief that (generic) you are the norm and everyone else skews towards the norm (you). In other words, it’s putting you at the center of the universe. I’m not even being angry about it because of course people will think of themselves as the norm. At least until they run into enough people who are vastly different than they are. Then, maybe, there might be a glimmer of hope. But, oftentimes, sadly, it’s just them dimissing everyone else as weird or outliers.

Do I sound bitter or pessimistic? Well, yeah. Look at the state of America right now. Why the hell wouldn’t I feel that way? The thing is, though, I have felt that for many decades. I’ve always looked at my country (and the world in general) with a jaundiced eye. It’s just how I am. I have always said that I’m a pessimist or a realist, but I had a friend in college tell me an optimist. When I protested, he pointed out that I expected the best out of people and was disappointed when I didn’t get it.

I opened my mouth to snap back, but then I closed it. Because you know what? He was right. I did expect people to do the right thing,and I was disappointed when they failed to do it. That’s what made me cynical, by the way. The fact that I thought people would do the right thing and then they didn’t. And this happened over and over again.

I, on the other hand, tended to think that I wasn’t anything special in any way and that if I could do something, other people could as well. sometimes, that’s true. Like with From games. If I can finish them, then truly anyone can. I am so bad at them. Astoundingly bad. So bad that why the fuck do I even play them? Ian and I have this argument from time to time. He says the games are exactly for people like me who can struggle with them and then feel real satisfaction when they beat the games.


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