Underneath my yellow skin

Tag Archives: lactose

Another one bites the dust

More FODMAP shenanigans. I bought extra-sharp cheddar cheese as my newest re-intro food because goddamn I miss cheese. Of the dairy products, cheese is the one that doesn’t have a truly great substitute. There are some decent ones, but none that mimic real cheese. The one that I liked the best, daiya’s farmhouse block style, tasted gross to me months later. Which is sad because dill Havarti is my fave, and they had a Jalapeno Havarti that was delicious the first time I ate it. And the next several times. Then, I didn’t eat it for a few months because it’s only available at the co-op, and when I tried it again, it didn’t taste right.

So. I was nervous about trying the extra-sharp cheddar cheese because while it’s supposed to be the dairy that will have the least effect on a digestive system, well, it still obviously bothers some. I bought the smallest block I could find, and I cut off a relatively small chunk, broke it in two pieces, and put it on top of the sausage patties I eat for lunch (each on top of one half of a gluten-free hamburger bun).

I will admit I sat and looked at it for several seconds because I was nervous about the results. I had built it up in my mind so much, and I was not looking forward to the reaction. I knew I would have one–I just didn’t know how bad it would be. Or rather, I was pretty sure I would have one. There was a small part of me that wondered what if I didn’t have a reaction. I would have felt as if I wasted almost three years of my life. But, on the other hand, it would have meant I could eat cheese!!!! Amazing!

Long story short: I had a reaction. The immediate was that I started wheezing and my throat closed a bit. It wasn’t terrible, but it certainly wasn’t comfortable. Then, my stomach started bloating, and that was uncomfortable as fuck. Then, and this is gross, sorry, I was constipated and had very smelly dairy farts. Hours later, I still had the both, and my asshole was burning. Up until the last bit, I was like, I could maybe put up with this once in a while. But, no. Even today, I still have some lingering effects.


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