Underneath my yellow skin

Tag Archives: pronouns

A gander at gender

At Ask A Manager recently, there was a question about what to do when an older employee has said out loud tin his outside voice that he would refuse to use the pronouns of trans and nonbinary coworkers because he believes homosexuals are going to hell and that falls under the same “umbrella of sin” (a term the letter writer (LW) used that is funny as fuck). The LW seemed to be concerned about the religious aspect, but Alison was very clear that this is discrimination (at the moment. We’ll see in a year or two) under federal law so the employee can feel however he wants about it, but he cannot treat the hypothetical trans or nonbinary worker any differently.

As I’ve said several times, this is a very progressive commentariat in general. Still. The number of people who suggested just using the trans/nonbinary employees name repeatedly as if it were a clever solution was discouraging. I said that for me, someone who is currently agender, I want people to use my name and my name only. But for people wha have pronouns, it’s rules-lawyering around respecting them. Use their damn pronouns.

Alison finally had to put a blue sticky at the top (that’s when she makes a note about something that she thinks is important and wants everyone to see) to tell people to quit suggesting that ‘solution’ because it’s not tenable. I mean, if he decided not to call anyone by pronouns and was consistent about it, then perhaps. But just using the name of the trans/nonbinary person instead of pronouns would be treating that person differently–which is distriminatory.

Here’s the thing. I am not a strict Constitutionalist, and I do not approve of the waivers that religion gets within the Constitution. Let me be clear. You want to practice your religion? Fine, great, and groovy. But your religion ends where my rights begin.

Here’s the thing. I think people should be allowed to practice their religion until it means impeding on people who don’t believe in the same thing. It’s interesting because one of the ‘read another post’ links on AAM was about a person who joined The Satanic Temple because she got very involved in patient advocay and came across TST.


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The pronoun predicament

One of the way allies are encouraged to be supportive of trans/nonbinary people is by putting their pronouns in their email sigs.  I’ve seen this subject come up from time to time on Ask a Manager. Almost every time, nonbinary folk and trans folk point out that it’s not helpful to people who aren’t out yet. In fact, it can be harmful. They usually get ignored or talked over, which is a shame because they’re the ones who are actually affected by this.

I have another perspective as someone who is not nonbinary or trans, but also not…binary? Is that the right? I’m questioning my gender identity, I guess is the best way to say it. For now, I’m leaning towards redefining ‘woman’ to mean what I want it to mean rather than ditching it completely because I identify most closely with it. I am not a man. I’m sure about that. I don’t feel like a woman, exactly, either, and don’t identify with ‘she’. I’ve written about that ad nauseam as well. However, I feel more affinity with women than men because of shared experiences and my history of being perceived as a woman. For now, I am provisionally neutral about being called a woman. I would prefer to not bring it up at all, but that’s not always possible.

But I get caught out when it comes to adding your pronouns to your email sig or to your Twitter bio or what not. I get that it’s meant to be supportive of trans/nonbinary people, but it just increases the invisibility I already feel. I have this issue with being Asian because we don’t exist in America, apparently, when it comes to racial issues. I’m not trans. I’m not a man. I prayed to God to make me a boy when I was a kid, but that was because I got so much shit for being me while being female, not because I actually felt like I was a boy.

I’m not a guy. Check. This is how I do everything, by the way, by crossing off what I’m NOT and seeing what’s left. It’s not a great way to figure out what I am, but I don’t really have anything that I am to relate to. Back to gender identity. I linger over nonbinary because that feels like it should be the one for me. But, for whatever, reason, it doesn’t quite feel right, either. I don’t care for they/them in describing myself. I just don’t. I don’t like any of the neopronouns, either. She/her is like…at least I recognize those pronouns. They don’t feel like me, but they’re not completely off, either. Like the dorm room I lived in for a year. It’s temporarily home, but not permanent. And I’ve outgrown it.


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