So, I’ve been dealing with my annual sinus/migraine bullshit. Oh. I just thought of something. Caffeine can cause migraines as well as cure them (it’s finicky like that). I’ve been drinking caffeinated tea at night. That might be the cause of the migraines. I’ll give it a skip tonight and see if it helps.
As for the sinus stuff, I think it’s partly allergies (because I’m allergic to everything under the sun), but it’s also sinus stuff. I can tell the difference because I’ve had allergies all my life, and I’ve had sinus issues for several years. The former is your typical itchy eyes, runny/stuff nose, clogged throat, while the latter is ear shit, nose afire/pricked, and swollen glands. The third factor is the weather. I have no scientific basis for this, but I firmly believe that the barometric pressure changes plus the heat negatively affect my sinuses. I definitely know that ‘feels like 102’ negatively affects my mood. I keep my AC at 78, but I dropped it a degree yesterday because I was not gonna deal with a migraine, sinus crap, AND heat.
I fucking hate the summer with all my heart, and I always have. Not only because of the heat but also because of the allergies. Everything is in bloom, and it wreaks havoc on my nose. It’s hard to remember sometimes that we’re still in the middle of a pandemic. Not only because it’s been pushed out of the news, but because life around me hasn’t changed. I haven’t seen one mask in my neighborhood, and there are definitely neighbors who are not practicing safe social distancing.
And I end up feeling like I’m the weird one for completely shutting myself off. My father laughed at me the other day that when I had food delivered, I didn’t let them in my house. To me, it was a no-brainer. Letting them in the house defeated the whole purpose of delivery in the first place. And, our state soft-opened…a week ago? I think? Time doesn’t matter. Anyway, my brother said we should go to the noodle place down the street when it opened. Even after we agreed that nothing had really changed during the ‘stay-at-home’ time and the ‘stay safe’ time.
Here’s the thing. I live alone. I have a really shitty immune system. I have the ability to isolate. I tend to isolate anyway. Why the hell wouldn’t I? If I get sick, there’s no one to take care of me. I have to do it all myself, and even if I got a not-deadly case of it or a not-terrible case, it can be awful. My taiji studio caught fire during the protests. Or rather, the roof did. Before that, my teacher was talking about doing classes in the park as a stop-gap between Zoom classes and being in the studio classes. My immediate thought was, “Fuck no,” but not just because of the virus. It’s because I hate the outside as it’s actively trying to kill me. Between the heat and my allergies, taiji in the park is not for me.
I’ve been extreme on the barricade myself in the house end, and I’m starting to wonder if it even fucking matters. We are not going to have a vaccine any time soon, and we can’t continue the lockdown forever. Obviously. States are already starting to open, and, yeah, there probably will be more spikes, but people are going to go out. At some point, I’m going to have to go out. I don’t know if I’m equipped to deal with it. It only takes one carelessness to get it, so why the fuck be so careful about it? I’m also tired of my family treating me as if I’m the crazy one for isolating instead of going out masked/gloved/goggled up. For one thing, I find gloves to be distressing to wear. Not just because of the feel of it, but because of how to get them off without getting germs all over myself. There is a way, but I didn’t know it the one time I wore them.
I have to ease myself into it, but I’m at a loss as to how. I thought maybe Cubs, but given that I haven’t seen a single mask around my neighborhood, I’m not sanguine about how that would work. Oh, I mentioned my brother saying we should go to the nearby noodle shop. When I protested, he said we could get them from the restaurant and bring them back here. I sarcastically said we could sit outside six feet apart and eat them, which he didn’t seem too enthused about.
I’ve already not liked him dropping by, even though we stood more than six feet apart. The fact that my family have been subtly or not subtly fucking with me over my views on the pandemic has been wearing on me. I understand that they are doing what feels comfortable to them, but they don’t seem to get that I’m doing the same for me. Also, as I said, I can craft my life that way, so why not? In addition, I am one of three people who does not need human interaction to survive, so I’m not having as difficult a time with isolation as other people, at least not for that reason.
Anyway, in talking about my current bullshit, I’m always quick to say it’s not the ‘Rona. Why? Mostly because I don’t want others to worry about me. I rarely talk about being sick, anyway. I’m hoping this bout will go away more quickly than it has in the past, but we’ll see. It’s another reason I don’t want to get the Covid-19, btw. I’ve had bronchitis that has lasted nine months. I don’t want to think about what a round of Covid-19 would do to me.
It’s hard to not feel as if I’m overreacting, especially since my brother is going out every day or every other day. He and his wife. Neither have gotten sick, or they’re asymptomatic if they have it. Part of me is like, why am I bothering? Why not just go to Cubs or the co-op to grab exactly what I want rather than rely on delivery? But the other part of me says it only takes one time. At any rate, I’m not going anywhere when I’m already sick. That would be bad social ethics no matter how you look at it.