Underneath my yellow skin

Is this my life now?

Wish I could sleep like this.

Yesterday, I was feeling exhausted for no particular reason. I can’t blame travel as I had been home for a week, and I only crossed one timezone. I had my normal amount of sleep, so it wasn’t that, either. This happens to me from time to time, I have to say. There are days when I inexplicably just want to sleep. Sometimes, it’s because I haven’t slept well in the past few days. Sometimes, it’s because I’m getting sick. In this case, I fear it’s the latter. I was feeling pretty punk all day, and around nine at night, my eyes were closing against my will. Around one in the morning, I was watching the YouTubes, and my eyes were feeling very heavy. Instead of getting up and getting ready for bed, I simply put my laptop on the coffee table, turned on my side, and watched videos into oblivion.

Side note: I have this weird thing when I’m falling asleep as I’m watching videos to go back to the place I was in the video when I fell asleep. I mean, that’s not weird in and of itself, but it’s weird that I do it several times in a row. The kicker is that I don’t remember anything in the video past the first time I fell asleep,  It doesn’t matter how many times I rewind (yes, I’m old) so I might as well not do it at all. And yet, I still do it. Why? Who knows?

So.  Last night, I conked out while watching the YouTubes. I woke up sometime in the middle of the night, but I couldn’t be assed to get up and properly put myself to bed. Part of the issue is that I actually sleep on the couch instead of my bed, so it’s not as if I was in a different location. But, I didn’t put on my eye mask (which still won’t stay on) or my ear plugs, so it was a weird night of sleep. The biggest actual physical effect was that Shadow seemed extra loud as he was meowing at me this morning.

Side note II: Shadow has been really funny these past few days as I’ve practiced my weapons. He’s been walking alongside of me or in front of me and meowing crossly. I don’t know why as it’s not been an issue in the past. Today, as I was practicing the Cane Form, he started walking next to me. Then, after I was finished and returned to my starting position to try again, he sat down where I had been and started meowing.  We had a little conversation as I finished the row. Then, he fucked off for a minute only to return as I practiced the Sabre Form. He sat a safe distance away and trained his eyes on me. I have no idea why he’s so fascinated with me doing my weapons these days. Is he telling me to be careful? Is he worried I’ll hurt myself? Does he see it as a rival? Who knows?

I woke up this morning disconcerted because I didn’t have my usual sleeping gear on. I also didn’t want to get up, and my head was…tense. It’s hard to explain. It’s not pounding or throbbing. It’s just as if there was a band that restricted the blood flow to my brain. And a thumping in my brain that isn’t really thumping. Again, it’s hard to explain, but it’s very distracting, and I knew exactly what it might portend. I’ve been trying not to eat my migraine meds every morning, but I knew if I didn’t today, I would be laid out for the rest of the day. There are days when I can say, “Yeah, it might not be a migraine this time”, and there are days when I know it’s going to be a migraine kind of day.

In addition, my throat has been gunky/scratchy for the last day or so, and it’s worse today. I’m pretty sure I’m having some kind of cold/sinus issue, and it’s making me grumpy. The thing is, this might be the new me. In the past five years or so, I have had several colds/sinus issues/digestive issues, and each time, I’m frustrated and just waiting it out. However, now it’s time for me to ask if this is my base normal. I seem to be sick more often than I’m not, and I think if I could accept that I have perpetual/chronic health issues, I might not be as pissed off every time.

In addition, I’m grumpy because after two years of living gluten free and dairy free with mostly little problem, I’m starting to have digestive issues again. I’m trying to figure out what sets it off, but my taiji teacher pointed out that it might be IBS. IBS is not necessarily dependent upon specific foods in the way sensitivities/allergies are. If that’s the case, then it’s more about the circumstances and not the food. If *that’s* the case, then I have to think of something other than just individual foods.

I have to admit, I’m feeling defeated at this point. I gave up dairy and gluten with little problem. I gave up caffeine a year later with significantly more trouble, but I’m fine with it now. I drink maybe one cup of caffeinated tea a week*, but that’s it. If I have to give up something else, I don’t think I’ll deal with it with as much grace. I have a few ideas what it could be, if it’s a specific food, I mean. There are some fruits that make me suspicious, and it might also be onion or some kind of nuts. All of these would be a problem, but especially onion if I have to give it up completely.

I know I need to do the elimination diet/allergy testing, but I just keep putting it off as long as possible. I have a hunch I won’t be able to do that for very much longer.




*If I go out to eat, I’ll have a Diet Coke or two.

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