One thing I have difficulty with is unspoken rules. It’s funny because when I read advice columns, there are always unspoken rules that commenters get/have that I don’t undrestand. Like there was a letter about celebrating a 30th birthday over at Slate, and one of the regular commenter was derisive about the idea of an adult wanting to celebrate their birthday. How very dare they! Did they not know how unbelievably childish that was? This comes up every time the topic of birthdays are discussed at Ask A Manager as well.
Half the people are pro-celebrating your birthday as an adult. Half are agin it. I’m in the latter, but only for me. I’m pro-doing whatever you want for your birthday as long as it’s not me having to celebrate it with you for a month.
I don’t get people who care what other people do that doesn’t affect them, quite frankly. Something like celebrating a birthday…who cares how someone else does it? You don’t want to celebrate your birthday, fine! Don’t celebrate it. You want to celebrate your birthday, fine! Celebrate it. I don’t undrestand why this is such a big deal. I really don’t undrestand the ‘you’re an adult and birthdays are stooooopid’ mindset. At all.
Other people really can’t elaborate why they feel that way, either. It’s the same with Halloween. There are people who loudly scorn adults who want to dress up for Halloween, saying it’s kid stuff. Why? We don’t think acting is a kid thing, but that’s basically playing dress up. Ok, there is more to it than that, but dressing up is a big part of it.
I guess it’s just difficult for me to grasp the outrage of adults having fun in ways that kids have fun. Then again, some people think video games/board games are kid stuff, too, so there’s that. I think if you (general you) enjoy something, then who cares?
I think this is my feelings about life in general. If you are not actively harming other people, then have at it. That’s why I’m a small l libertarian. I don’t care what people do–if it’s not deliberately harming others. That’s my general philosophy, which seems to be an anathema for most people.
Even liberal people.
It’s interesting. I don’t have a hard-and-fast rule as to how most things should be. Like, the idea that to be an adult, you have to buy a house, get married, have children, have a 9-to-5 job. One thing that came up often when I talked about not wanting children was that I was being selfish. Again, this was only from women. I want to point out that internalized misogyny works hard to uphold the patriarchy.
Selfish to whom? No one had any answer to that. Well, some said to my parents, but that didn’t make sense to me. They weren’t the ones who would be raising said children, so why should my children status be any reflection on them? I do get that my mother wanted to be a grandmother to my children (believe me. She made that excruciatingly clear during my twenties and thirties), but I was the only one who actually had to raise those hypothetical children.
Some women said that I was being selfish to those nonexistent children. Which was nonsensical. They didn’t exist. They were not real. They did not count. Besides. As the child of someone who really did not want to be a mother (she was wedded to her role as mother, but she did not like her children. At all), there was no way I was having children I didn’t want.
It was the same with marriage. For some reason, not doing it meant I wasn’t a real adult. Don’t get that. I mean, I do understand on some level how having a romantic relationship with someone is an adult experience, but I don’t undrerstand why it’s a definitive one. Like, if you don’t get married, you’re not an adult. Or rather, what I heard more was that if you didn’t live with someone, you weren’t truly an adult.
Huh? I don’t follow. Why is the ability to cohabitate an indication of adulthood? Some of us just prefer living alone–with our cat. That would be me, by the way. I don’t understand how being able to live with someone is an indication of maturity. Yes, I do get that cohabitating with a partner meant compromosing. I don’t want to compromise in my house. Therefore, I do not want to live with someone. I think that makes sense, but saying it out loud makes some people look at me like I’m talking out of pocket.
I don’t get all the rules of life. I was talking to Ian yesterday about FromSoft games. It’s funny because if you’re a From fan, you become inured to how weird the rules of the games are. Aoife Wilson from Eurogamer mentioned this during her co-op with her colleague in his game. She put out a beginner’s video about the game and got a bunch of comments about needing a video that was even more beginner.
Like, what is an Estus Flask? What do each of the stats mean? How do you level up? How do you upgrade? Etc.? It’s a bit different in Elden Ring, but it’s similar across the games. If you get the basics down for one, you’ll have them for the next game. Except jump. That is always different. So glad it’s a dedicated button (A) in this game. In the previous games, it was press in L (left stick) for one and L stick plus B for another.
One thing I would say to anyone who is playing a From game for the first time is to not fear death. You are going to die. You will probably die many times. Don’t fear death. Especially in Elden Ring because the consequences are so minimal. Explore, die, and try again.
Everything is cryptic in From games. You learn things from reading item descriptions. Lore, how to use things, etc. Nothing is simple–everything is opaque. The clearest storyline is in Sekiro, probably because it was published by Activision.
There is a steep learning curve in From games. A very steep one. Elden Ring is probably the most newb-friendly of the games, and it’s still rough. I like it, though, that most of what I knew from my Souls playing was similar in this game–even if there were different names for things. The Estus Flask is the Flask of Crimson Tears in this game and the Ashen Estus Flask is the Flask of Cerulean Tears.
There’s a lot to learn. The game rarely holds your hand, but you can find the info. Or you can wiki it. The community is pretty cool in general with helping out. Yes, there are assholes who will tell you to ‘git gud’ or how easy __________ (the hardest boss) is, but in general, most are just people who are so enthusiastic about the game and want you to love it, too.
In Taiji, there are some basic rules. Empty-stepping is one. That means to make sure all your weight is in one foot before stepping on the other. Another is to keep your knee over your foot, but not too far forward. Alignment is key, and moving smoothly is another. Being chill is yet another. Heh. No, that’s not a rule, but the mentality of Taiji. No fuss, no muss. No hurry, no worry. And, the biggest one, expend as little energy as possible for the maximum output.
Bagua, on the other hand, has very little rules–as far as I can tell. Twist your body out of harm’s way seems to be the main one. Attack and be aggressive, which is another. I love how I feel when I’m practicing –especially the teacup movements. It makes me feel alive and like I want to attack something. Not a person, but something difficult.
I think that’s the reason I like games and martial arts. There are rules that make sense to me. Yes, even if only in their own internal way. Society, on the other hand, is full of rules that I just don’t understand.