I feel like shit. Physically, mentall, and emotionally. The first is easiest to explain. I got my Covid booster and my flu shot yesterday. I react very badly to shots. I knew better than to get both at the same time, but that was warring with the part of me that really resists doing anything at all. The latter is the thing that makes me overdo it when I actually muster up the energy to do anything.
My flu arm is just a bit puffy and not tender at all. The left arm is tender, sore, and puffy. It hurts if I even just brush against it, and it hurts if I lift it over above shoulder level. Plus, I’m just exhausted. More so than in general. I knew to expect this because this always happens when I get vaxes, but it does not make it easier knowing it’s going to happen beforehand.
I went light on my weapons today. I was able to do my warmups, the Taiji Solo Form, and the Bagua Swimming Dragon Form. I think I did the Double Fan Form? Maybe? Not the other ones, though. I also did the part of the Bagua Knife Form I know. I think. It’s hard to say beacuse i do a lot of the same things every day, so it blends together.
I know this is better than getting the flu or Covid, but it’s still sucky. I think this is something that people have a hard time understanding. Something can be both bad and good at the same time. These days especially, Americans really are binary. Not just when it comes to gender, but about so many things.
We especially like to label someone good and the other person bad. There has to be a villian and a hero, and we have to be team one person or the other. Nuance, never one of our strong suits, has gotten even worse in the past decade or so.
Anyway, I did not get the flu shot for many years, but after my medical crisis, I decided it’s not time to mess around. That’s why I got my pneumonia vax, too. My immune system is a mess, and I need to be really careful about what I do to it. And I’ve been faithfully getting my Covid boosters every six months (more or less). I don’t go out much, and I still wear a mask. I’ve always had a shitty immune system, and it’s only gotten worse since my medical crisis.
One thing I’ve learned from Taiji is to not push myself. That’s so against the Western mindset, by the way. I saw on someone’s Insta that he was hyping up a friend of his who was a personal trainer. The personal trainer was giving away a free session or something like that, and curious, I read the blurb that went with it.
This was about New Year’s resolutions, by the way. We know that many people choose to go to the gym for the new year (and the vast majority are gone by February, if they go at all). This guy said that his proghram was’ no excuses’. That was enough to make me roll my eyes and shut down Insta. It’s such a Western way of thinking–along with ‘give it 110%’, ‘no pain, no gain’, and anything else of this ilk.
I had a taiji classmate who had that ‘no pain, no gain’ mentality. Every spring, he was going to start running, and instead of doing it slowly and steadily, he would try to run ten miles on the frist day. He would inevitably hurt himself and then not run for the rest of the year.
I had another friend who was disabled and had something to prove to herself–and to the world. She would push herself and push herself, and then she would tell me how she was laid up for several days because of it.
I undrestood both these mentalities because I had it in me, too. Not just from my American upbringing, but also from my Taiwanese heritage (Tiger Moms, anyone?). When my mom visited me here, she would go to Taiji with me sometimes, and she really dug it. But, when my teacher would say, “No hurry, no worry” my mother would interpret it as ,”No hurry, no going slow.”
I was drawn to Taiji because it’s the lazy person’s martial art. My teacher would cheerfully state that, and then explain what it meant. It meant that we’re going to expend the least amount of energy for the maximum effect we can get. No elaborate movements. No flairs or flourishes. Just the basic movements needed to get the job done.
I’m all about it, and I appreciate my teacher’s teacher trimming down all the forms to the bare minimum. It’s funny beacuse his main teacher was very much into dancing, so all the forms had only even counts. The movements were made based on how well they would match to music, which meant there were some unnecessary movements.
In other words, my teacher’s teacher cut out much of the fluff and incorporated his other main teacher’s more combat-driven style. I will admit the latter is my preference as well. I’m happy, yes, that Taiji is good for my health, but that’s not the main reason I practice it.
Back in my thirties, I was well aware that I could cop a tough attitude, but I did not have much to back it up. When I looked up martial arts, I wanted ones that were not heavy on the hitting. I mostly wanted it for self-defense and confidence.
I must say that for the former, Taiji is not ideal. At least not if you want to be able to use it for self-defense reasonably soon. I’ve been practicing for almost twenty years, and it’s only been within the last few years that I feel confident in my abilities. I feel like I could defend myself, and it’s done a lot for me in my relationships, so the confidence part was spot on.
It’s late, so I’ll write more about this tomorrow.