The last time I talked to my mother, I brought up that I was watching Korean content, which meant that I was thinking about how people address each other in Korea. I had to while watching the content because it’s so strong and present. It’s similar in Taiwan, which was why I brought up with my mother. She affirmed that it was still the case. People called her ‘older sister’ and my father ‘older brother’. Unrelated people, I mean.
I’ve known this since I was a kid, by the way. I called all the peers of my parents (in the Taiwanese church) auntie and uncle. We didn’t go as far with the kids to calling each other older brother, younger sister, and such, though. That’s how East Asian cultures do it. Anyone older than you are is an older brother/sister. Anyone younger is a younger brother/sister. Age is very important, and it matters if you’re older even by a day.
I was telling my mother that I had a hard time with it beacuse I just didn’t see why it mattered.
Side note: I have to say that I believe in respecting everyone just because they are a human being. I want to put that out there that I’m not hating on respecting people.
I do have an issue with affording more respect to certain people because of random factors like gender and age. I’m twice as old as the people I’m watching (the Koreans), and they have done more in their years than I have in mine. WAY more. That’s not to say that they deserve more respect, but I don’t see why they should have to call me an honorific (if we ever met, which will never happen) just because I’m older.
My mother laughed and said I was American as the reason I didn’t understand it. I said that wasn’t it beacuse Americans are VERY rigid about gender (especially now. All those terrible laws getting passed in the South around gender. Sigh), though we are less so about age. And we call everyone by their first names (again, maybe not in the South)–at least in social situations.
My mother than said that I was post–she couldn’t remember the word for what she was trying to say. I finally realized she meant to say postmodern, which was closer, but not quite right, either. I eman, I am postmodern in many ways, but that wasn’t quite right for this situation.
She finally said, “You’re very unique.” Which, yes. I would accept that. I was thinking ‘weird’ myself, which is more apt, but unique is a kinder description of me, I guess. I am pretty unique (I have given up on the strict definition of unique being singular and binary–meaning you’re either unique or you’re not. It’s been qualified for the last few decades, and who am I to fight progress?), which I usually try to tamp down.
I know I’m too much for most people, which is why I try to be chill on the regular. There are a few people who know the real me, embrace that person, and love me unconditionally. Those people get the full me, but not turned to a hundred. At least not all the time. I’m too much for me, so how the hell could I not be too much for anyone else?
I can hear people saying, “Oh, you’re fine. You just need to find the right people.” And I have! I’m very blessed to have four really dear friends. My two besties have been with me through thick and thin. I have been tight with K since I was 22, which means thirty-plus years. She knows me better than anyone, and I feel like I can tell her things I cannot tell anyone else. We say things just bectween us that we were never say to other people. And we both completely understand each other’s reluctance to speak about certain things in general.
We have only really fought two times in our relationship, and it wasn’t even that big a fight either time. Our opinions mesh together quite nicely. We don’t disagree on anything; it’s just various shades of the same color. Honestly, I cannot remember a time when we vehemently disagreed on anything. Ore even mildly, really.
I have been friends with Ian for fifteen years, and we do disagree on things–but never vehemently. We found each other during a dark time in both of our lives. We were mutual life preservers. It probably wasn’t the best thing for either of us at the time, but I don’t think either of us would be here if it wasn’t for that connection. I also am grateful that we both have grown separately and together.
He was the one who notified my brother when I had my medical crisis. He was the one who was here with me when a tragic incident in my personal life happened. I don’t think I could have coped without him. We share music, games, and venting about politics.
I would not be here without either of them. I know this to be true. I love them both with all my heart, and I would do anything for either of them. I have called them my ride-or-die, and I will always be there for them. I know they will always be there for me, too. They are two people I feel love me for who I am and not despite who I am. It’s a gift that they give me, and I’m truly grateful for it.
Besides them, my two other friends, and my brother, though, I don’t feel as if I can even be half of myself in other interactions. I mean, most people aren’t their whole selves in daily interactions, but I have found it easier just to be someone completely different. See, I don’t know where the proper boundaries are for authentic but not dumping on people and you’re going way too far. I find it’s just better to be fake.
I have mentioned before that I don’t care about lying to people if I consider it unimportant (the topic) or I am not going to see the person again. I think I’m being more honest in a way by saying that lying is acceptable than people who claim that honesty is always so important, but do the polite society fibbing thing. I’m just straightout saying that I’m going to lie–which we all do on the daily. Or most people, anyway.
Side note: I get really confused by what is an acceptable lie and what isn’t in polite society. What is a fib? What is just social lubricant? I know by now that talking about the weather or asking how someone is are acceptable ways to chitchat, but I don’t really get it. I never have. I’ve just accepted that it’s the way it goes. But that means I get to lie freely and not feel bad about it. That’s the internal tradeoff I made to make the whole thing make sense.
That’s all for today. More tomorrow.