I have a soft spot for :Law & Order. I mean, doesn’t everybody? When that ‘chung chung’ sound is heard, it takes me to my happy place. When I used to visit Ian in Raleigh, I’d have it on in the background for hours on end (sorry, Ian!). One time, we were walking in Downtown Raleigh under an overpass when a van pulled up to us and offered us a ride. We declined, naturally. He offered again, and we declined again so he drove off.
Obviously, we spun it into a Law & Order: Raleigh episode for the next half hour and given that we are both writers, it was a hoot. I’m sure he was just a nice guy wanting to do a good thing, but it definitely had the flavor of o L&O episode, yes?
Another time, we were watching one of the L&Os and discussing the anatomy of an episode. In the first five minutes is the actual Crime. Then, credits. If there is a famous person, they are either the perp or the vic. I mean, why splash that kind of money around for Garbage Man #2? The killer is introduced in the second segment (the one following the credits). The fake motives are trotted out in the first half of the episode. The real motive/perp is revealed around that time and then legal shenanigans for the second half.
I signed up for Peacock, the basic sub, because…well, it’s like this. I became aware that there’s a new season of the original L&O, which, I mean, I guess Dick Wolf’s gotta eat. Oh! I know how I found out. I saw that Legal Eagle was dissecting an L&O order and assumed it was an old ep. To my surprise, I realized it was a new one, based on *sigh* the Cosby case. So I watched Legal Eagle reviewing the episode (video included). It was bad. very bad. even by L&O standards. Why? Because what worked for the series when it first came out (and I’ll get to that later) hasn’t aged well. At all.
Anyway, that reminded me that I used to love Law & Order: Criminal Intent. It’s my favorite of the L&Os for a variety of reasons. One, I think the cast in general is exemplary and above the others. Two, I really like Vincent D’Onofrio’s portrayal of Goren and I ADORE Kathryn Elbe as Eames. Even more, I am positively giddy about the fact that there is no whiff of romance between the two. A man and a woman can be really close friends without wanting to bonk each other? Yes, please! (And if there was a period in which they were intimate, please do not make me sad by informing me of this fact.) In all the episodes I’ve watched, there is nary a hint of sexual tension between the two. They are just really good friends They support each other and they get each other. I just really appreciate the portrayal of two het people of differing genders allowed to just be friends. What a novel idea!
I love Goren, but I would not want to be friends with him. I noted this on Twitter, saying the same thing about Poirot. They are both egotistical, fussy (in different ways), think they’re the smartest person in the room (often are), and exceptionally good at reading people. Goren is more of a hot mess, in part because of his *sigh* schizophrenic mother whereas we don’t know much about Poirot’s family in Belgium.
Side Note: Popular media is so bad at portraying mental illness. And it’s used as a short-hand for signifying that someone is messed up, even if it’s by proxy.
Anyway, I discovered that you can sign up for a free Peacock account. Hello, what? Why have I not done this before? So, I did. And started watching Criminal Intent. I had watched the first half of the first season fairly recently (in the last five years or so). I don’t remember how or why, but I remembered those episodes vividly. Of course I watched them again. Of course I watched from the start. Are you kidding? How else am I going to watch it?
Side Note II: It’s way too easy to binge-watch something nowadays. At the end of an episode, I can simply press the ‘next episode’ button. I can ‘skip intro’ as well. The only downside is that I have to watch commercials because Ad Blocker can’t block them. I mute them because I cannot stand commercials. They are physically painful on my ears. Also, I had forgotten how women are not allowed to be even normal weight in visual mediums–they have to be painfully skinny. Black women MAY get to be white-girl normal, but that’s it–and highly dependent upon what kind of commercial it is. There is one commercial that shows up every episode, for some boutique, that has painfully skinny women. I mean, it’s 20-fucking-22. Can we not do this?
I will watch the Idris Elba commercials, though, with volume on. Except I don’t get Booking.yeah, but I digress.
I’ve watched the first season of Criminal Intent and several episodes of the second season. The first episode was shown 21 years ago, right before the Two Towers fell (and that is mentioned in passing in later episodes). You know what’s funny? I just read the synopsis for the first episode (One) and could not remember which episode it was. When I read the storyline, then I remembered.
It’s partly because I’m watching them back-to-back-to-back, of course, but it’s also because there’s a very generic formula that each episode follows so they all blend together. It’s an effective formula, obviously, but it’s a formula, nonetheless. It’s perfectly blended to prod you along and make you want to keep on watching, but there’s nothing unique or engrossing about each episode on its own. It’s carefully calculated pablum that is meant to stroke the lizard brain right in the ‘oh yeah justice/revenge’ area.
More reasons I like Criminal Intent the best. It’s trying to get into the mind of the perp, which is an interesting take. That’s Goren’s specialty–getting into the brain of a killer. It’s because he would make a good killer himself, which is also true of Poirot. Maybe all really good detectives? Because you have to know the mind of a killer in order to stop a killer, I guess.
I will say that the show has not held up well. Or rather, the psychology that was already shaky at the time is even more cringe-inducing now. I’ve been tweeting as I watch it, proclaiming my love for the eye-watering stereotypes. The crossdressing man who has deep and abiding mommy issues, the emasculated man who couldn’t deal with his more successful wife, and my personal favorite, the amoral bisexual who was sexually abused by her father and fucks anything that moves in order to get her way. And gets men to kill for her. Or kills herself while with men. The last is a recurring character, if I remember correctly, who is Goren’s nemesis. He has a lust/hate relationship with her because of course he does. She is in several episodes and is such a boring, stereotypical character. I hate narcissistic psychopaths because there is nothing there. No matter how they tried to make her interesting, she just wasn’t. Yes, she’s going to cold-bloodedly kill people and use people because that’s her nature. She’s not going to change because she can’t. So where’s the interest?
Look. I know it’s just good soapy fun. It’s not meant to be thought-provoking or profound. But I find myself rolling my eyes so often, they’re threatening to fall out. I’ll probably keep watching until I can’t stand the ridiculousness any longer, but the enjoyment is diminishing with each episode. I need to find another popcorn series to replace it with.