My brother came over today to eat his lunch and get me on his Microsoft Office 360 account. He thought he set it up when he brought over his old laptop, but I could not get in, It turned out that it was the wrong account. Once we fixed that, we got in fine. I could just use Google Docs, I guess, but for whatever reason, I prefer to not have everything I write online.
I love this new lappy so much. I was telling my brother that the reason I love it so much is a silly one–because I don’t have to think about it. It just does what it needs to do–and it does it quickly and quietly. With my old laptop, I had to nurse it along and the graphics were shot.
Bad news, though. I need a new phone. I tried to take a video of my martial arts teacher doing the Swimming Dragon Form (Bagua), and the footage was jerky. My brother said that it was probably an update and that I would need a new phone.
Sigh.
In itself, it’s not a big deal. I’ve had this phone for five or six years, so it makes sense it’s time to replace it. But after the last two months of irritations (and paying for things I needed to get done), I’m just not in the mood. In addition, the only thing I need a phone for is to surf the web and take pics/vids occasionally. I don’t need all the bells and whistles. I think I paid two hundo for my current phone. It’s an Android.
I’m willing to pay up to $350, but even that is making me wince. I hate the fact that all these tech devices are all tricked out when I just need something simple. Plus, I get stressed when there are too many options. Give me three choices and I’m fine. Give me fifty, and I become incapable of deciding.
This is my MO. I carefully look at ten or so options, then I give up and choose the one my brother/Ian tells me is the best with the options I want. I’m slightly ashamed that I can’t figure this shit out for myself, but my brain shuts down when faced with endless choices.
Honestly, if I did not want to take vids of my Taiji teacher, I would push the phone back for as long as it’s limping along. My brother suggested that I use the camera he brought me to take vids, which I could do, but I need to learn how to use it first.
I know this is me being spoiled, but I have a hard time learning new tech things. Once I do, I’m good with it, but it’s the getting started bit that is so hard for me.
Oh! My brother also brought over the GF/DF cookbook he bought me for Christmas, which was very thoughtful of him. He had made a recipe for GF/DF bread for Thanksgiving, which was very tasty. Turns out, the woman who has the website also has a cookbook. My brother has made a few things from it, including biscuits, which he said were delicious. And easy to make. That are my two main criteria. Easy to make and delicious.
I don’t think I can stress enough how hard it is for me to make myself do things I don’t want to do. Even if I know they won’t take long/aren’t hard to do. My executive function ability is not strong. Nor is it something I can force myself to do. I can argue with myself about how easy something should be until I am blue in the face, but it doesn’t matter. If my brain doesn’t want to do it; it won’t do it.
I’ve tried to explain this in the past, but it sounds bonkers from the outside. It’s one reason I want to get checked out for ADHD, though, because I know it’s a thing–poor executive functioning. It feels like a personal failing, but from what I’ve read, it’s something that many people with ADHD can’t just make themselves do it.
I’ve also read about people who went on ADHD meds and it was like a switch was flipped in their brains. Suddenly, things that took them forever to do was no effort at all. They were like, “Wait, is this how it is for ‘normal’ people all the time?”
That’s the problem when you have something that is wrong with you (from the perspective of a disability)–if it’s how you’ve always been, you don’t know that you’re different. You just assume that everyone is that way. It’s the same with dysfunction in the family–you just assume that everyone has the same kind of family until you find out, no, they really don’t.
I’m very much done with 2024. I know that there isn’t anything I can do about it because 2024 is going to continue on, but I just had to put that out there.
My brother has joked that he should have bought lottery tickets when I was in the hospital and woke up, but I disagreed. I said that I used it all up with my miracle so we would not cash out in the lottery.
I am going with that because now I’m paying for it. I know that’s not how it really works, but I can’t help feeling that way. If I could have a week or two of not having to adult, I would appreciate it. Or having to shell out more dollars for tech shit I have to fix or replace.
To be fair, though, it’s partly because I use my tech devices until the bitter end. I am tight with a penny when it comes to my tech, and it shows. Still. I would have preferred that I didn’t have to replace them all at once. Though, to be double fair, my desktop will not have to be replaced for some time, knock on wood.
I’m done. I’m tired. More tomorrow.