We’re fucked.
America is fucked, I mean.
We’ve had (arguably) our good days, but those are behind us now.
The divide is growing day by day, and we should not be a country, anyway. We are fifty different mini-countries, and even within each state, there are vast differences. In Minnesota, for example, the Twin Cities are extremely blue as is the suburb in which I live. There are a sprinkle of other cities that are blue, too, but everywhere else is red. Are red? Not blue, in any case. This is the case in may states around the country.
Trump as a candidate has exposed the lie that is our democratic system. Presidents have very little actual accountability, and they are held in line mostly by social construct and pressure.
I’m so tired. I have said in the past that I did not come back from the dead (twice) to deal with this bullshit. It’s also really hard for me to swallow that a hefty portion of the country I live in wants me dead or to put it more mildly, to disappear. Or for me to change who I am.
I’m incredibly ‘lucky’in that I can hide some of the things about myself that would make me a target and the other ones aren’t as, ah, problematic as some others. Me being Asian? Probably not that dangerous, especially as I was born here. I do get mistaken for Chinese, which can be bad or good, depending. I can let my gender slide and not make it a big deal. I don’t have to deal with my lack of religion being an issue, either. I don’t live in an area that will punish you for that, thankfully.
I can mask, is what I’m sayying. I’m close to not having to care about abortion for myself (going through menopause, and I think I’m at the late stages of it). Yes, I’m trying to find the silver lining in a very dark cloud. The problem is that when I look at the bigger picture, it’s pretty grim. All the sensible Republicans have left the party, and I don’t blame them. The problem is that many of them did not cross the aisle, but just remained in the land of ‘undecided’.
I’m so depressed right now. not just depressed, but also incandescently angry. What the fuck is wrong with this country? That’s partly rhetorical, but it’s also a pain that hits me deep in my solar plexus. I know that I’m an outsider. I know that I’m not wanted. But to have it slapped in my face so brutally was not what I needed nor wanted.
We’ve broken the social contract. You know the one. It’s the contract that says we pretend to get along with each other and not notice (again, pretending) when someone commited a faux pas. I’m not saying those were good times (they weren’t), but tehy were at least tolerable times.
Ugh.
I hate this so very much. I hate that I have to argue about my validity as a human being to roughly half the country.
And I hate that I have been fighting this fight for over half my life, and it’s only getting worse.
When I am in a better frame of mind, I can see the incremental progress we have made on social justice issues. Some of them have been small and some of them have been huge. Like marriage equality. That was huge. Like ACA. That was…well, bigger than incremental, but not exactly huge. And, yes, we all know that progress is agonizingly slow and it’s two steps forward, one step back, but I’ve been doing this shit for over thirty years. I’m tired. I’m sad. But under it all, I’m so, so angry.
There is no ‘both sides have a point’ to this. One side is for the eradication of a good portion of the other side, and that is not acceptable in a true democracy. In Florida, they put to vote the question of whether abortion should be enshrined in their state constitution. The yeses got 67% of the vote. And the amendment failed. Why? Becaause it required 70% yeses to pass. 70 fucking percent! So it’s rule by minority, apparently.
As I said, I’m lucky to live in a very blue suburb in Minnesota. That’s of cold comfort to me, though, because the federal laws are going to be pushed in a way that will be harmful to everyone like me.
I. Did. Not. Come. Back. To. Life. For. This. Shit.
I don’t understand how we lost this badly. Not just the presidency (which I thought we would lose, but not by so much), but the House and the Senate as well. It’s probably economics because despite all the social justice issues, it usually comes down to the economy, but I just don’t understand how anyone can expect anything good under Trump.
The ugly part is that many people who voted for Trump believe the same shit he espouses. It’s not a comfortable feeling to know that a good chunk of your fellow countrypeople hate the very fact that you exist. And that the racism, sexism, queerphobia, etc., that Trump spews is a feature and not a bug. I don’t think we talked about this at all, but fact that Harris did worse that expected has to be in part to racism and/or sexism.
It’s galling to me that in 2024, America can’t bear the thought of a black/South Asian female president. How fucking regressive we are; it’s an embarrassment. And it’s painful. And, once again, it’s enraging. I can’t emphasize how angry I am. I hate half of my country, and I am seriously questioning whether I want to live here or not. I know that nowhere is perfect, and, indeed, several countries are struggling with their own isms of different flavor. I’m not saying that any other country is better than this one, but I’m just really down on this country right now.
I hope in a few days, I might be able to feel a bit better about things. I doubt it, but I have to have some hope. The flame is very small and barely flickering, but maybe we’ll be able to burn it all to the ground. Maybe. I can only hope.