Checking in with my feelings.
*Several seconds of internal checking*
Yep, still furious. And with the news as to who Trump is going to appoint when he’s president, scared as fuck. Again, not necessarily for myself as I have options, but for all the people who will be hurt by the upcoming administration.
I don’t want to talk about that, thoughh, because I don’t need that agitas in my heart right now. I want to talk about something related, though, and that’s what I plan to do if I start to date again. It’s tangentially related because there is a bit of politics in it, but it’s more about what I want for my future. If there is a future.
My brother was just here, and we talked at length about what the fuck is wrong with America right now. Or rather, in general. I don’t want to get into it, but we’re pretty much on the same page.
Back to the point at hand. I don’t know if I want to keep living in this country. I know that’s a very privileged point of view, but it’s painful to live in a country that hates me. I mean, I’ve been doing it my whole life, but this election made it painfully clear how hated I am. Not me in particluar, maybe, but people of my ilk.
The sad thing is that if you talked to many of the people who voted for Trump, I’m sure they’d say that they voted for him despite his repugnant stances (suuuuuuuure) and that they voted for him because of his business acumen (what??). The thing is, though, that the fact that they could brush off the repugnant viewpoints says a lot about them. They don’t think they’ll be affected by his hate, but they will. Trump doesn’t care about any of them. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself. Hell, I would say he doesn’t actually care about himself, either.
Anyway. I am not here to talk about that directly. I’m here to talk about dating/sexing. I am not sure I want to do the former, but I’m pretty sure I want to do the latter. As I’ve said in recent posts, though, I do not want to hook up with cishet dudes, specifically cishet white dudes. They are the reason we are in this mess, and I have no desire to weed out the good ones from the get-the-fuck-away-from me ones. I just don’t.
I said to my brother that I hated that I had more freedoms as an AFAB person thirty years ago than my nibling who is also AFAB does today. My brother said that we as a country were against progress. He’s not wrong. In general, Americans want to go backwards or at least cling to what they know. Plus, people are very low-information/low-interest in politics. They are easily swayed by what they see on the TV, and they don’t really think about issues in a deep manner.
There are, however, people who are so hateful and who are cheering Trump on. They are glad that he is speaknig to their truth, and they voted for him BECAUSE he’s so repellent. If Obama was appealing to the better nature of America, Trump taps into the vein of our ugly side.
I don’t care about race, religion*, gender, age, or nationality. What I do care about is political. Given how horrid the Republican Party is these days, I will not date/fuck anyone who is a Republican. You cannot be one without at leastsiding with the hatefulness espoused by Trump. Or at the very least, not care about the damage he’s going to do to so many minorities.
I want my sexing to be a positive. I cannot fuck someone who voted for that asshole without thinking bitter thoughts. This is my hard limit, and I will not be moved. Yes, yes, heal the wounds, come together as a country–by the way, that’s a load of horseshit, too. I was venting about this with my brother as well. Every time a Democrat wins, the media talks about how the president needs to reach out to the Republican constituents and make sure they feel like they are heard.
When a Republican wins–crickets. No one has said that Trump needs to reach out to the Democratic voters and reassure them that he is their president, too. Well, we know why with this election, but they’ve never done it in the past,either. It’s only the Democratic presidents who are exhorted to mend fences.
Why is that? One, because the media is owned by the Republicans. That’s pretty self-explanatory. Two, because it’s like being in an dysfunctional family. There is a lot of pressure put on the non-abusive members to appease and bend to the abusive members. Everyone knows that the abuser will not be reasonable, so it’s up to the abused to be the ones to cater to the other. That’s the same dynamic going on with the political parties. Am I calling the Republican Party abusive? Yes.
Today, I am tired of this shit. So tired. I want to think about dating, but, honestly, I don’t think I’m a good date at the moment. Then again, I don’t know if I ever would feel like I’m a good date. In theory, I just want to meet up with someone for some Netflix and chill. Without the Netflix. Double the chill. I want to laugh, chat, and have sexytimes. I do not want anything serious, but I know how my brain goes. I’m not good at being casual. Or rather, I can have casual sex. At least I could when I was in my twenties. If I start getting to know someone, though, then it crosses over into emotions territory. Not because I want it to, but because my brain somehow makes that connection. “I am having great sexytimes with this person. I must be in love with them. Or at least deep like.” This is how my brain work as much as I try to tell it to chill the fuck out.
I have had great casual sex. But it has to be one or two sessions before I move on. That’s the window in which my brain tells me that this is just for fun. So while in theory, I would like to be able to have a fuck buddy or ten, someone with whom I could just hook up once a week or so and forget about the next of the week, that is just not the way my brain works.
That’s all for today. More later.
*within limits, of course. I care what beliefs come with the religion, but I don’t care about religion itself.