I’m taking a break from my multiple-post musings on other subjects because I wanted to ttalk about luck. My brother brought over his Tesla Cybertruck so I could get a ride in it. I brought up that I had to deal with my bank accounts being hacked (ugh), which made me think that I had used up my allotment of luck back in September of 2021 when I had my medical crisis. Back then, my brother joked that he should have bought lottery tickets on that day, but my counter-argument was that I had used up the family’s luck for that year.
At the end of last year, I started to have a string of bad luck that has continued through now. In talking about it with my brother yesterday, I mentioned that I had probably used up my portion of luck for life.
I will add that maybe I’m just in a very bad patch right now. But. It can stop any time now. Really. Here is a list of the bad things/annoying things that have happened to me in the last seven months or so.
1. I had issues with Comcast/Xfinity (no sururise) with how they reported my data usage. Which, I mean. It stayed steady at 10-15GB per month. Then shot up incrementally every month for several months until in November, they warned me that I had uped up my 1TB for the month. Um, what?!? I managed to ameliorate it by getting a new modem, but it’s still not fixed. In part because it’s impossible to get ana actual human being from the company to talk to.
2. I had one a tire puncture that led me to replacing all four of my tires. This was fairly easy to deal with, but quite the hit to the wallet.
3. My telephone line went out. And, again, I could not get an actual human being to talk to. The AI assigning me an appointment with a tech said it would be anytime between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m. on the upcoming Thursday (this was a Saturday). I woke up on that Thursday at 7:30 a.m., only to get a text saying the appointment would be anytime from 1 p.m. to 6 p.m. Grrrr…..
4. My sink handle broke. It was already jury-rigged together in a way that meant an extra step to turning it on and off. Around the same time, my garbage disposal broke. So I need a whole new sink.
5. I had to get a new laptop. This wasn’t bad luck so much as it was time, but I was trying to make my old laptop work for as long as possible. It actually lasted longer than I thought it would, but it was still a hit to the old wallet to replace it.
6. The personal tragedy happened that I still am not ready to talk about. This one is huge. It’s left a giant hole in my heart, and I still think about it every day. And it’s what sparked my depression.
7. Daylight Savings. I have never liked it, but I’ve always just rolled my eyes and moved on. For whatever reason, the latest one (in March) has really fucked with me. I wish we could just get rid of it altogether.
8. I had to get my license renewed in early April (and I still don’t have my actual license yet). This is one of those annoying things, not bad-luck things. I got to skip it in 2020 because of the pandemic, and I see no reason I have to do it in person now. I could have sent them a pic and just filled out a form online.
9. My microwave broke. I’m hard on my mictrowaves. Very hard on my devices in general. Fortunately, I was able to get one shipped to me in five day, which caught me by pleasant surprise they had estimated it to be a few more days.
10. I need to replace my phone because the video no longer works. That’s the only reason. The rest of it is fine. But the video refuses to, well, video. Which is one of the few things I need it for. In order to record my teacher doing different weapon forms.
11. My bank accounts got hacked. This just happened. And I was so done with life. It felt like being pecked to death by a bird (except for the one big tragedy. That was way worse than a bird peck), and I wondered when it was going to end. Well, it hasn’t. And I have no reason to think it will.
My brother said that maybe I had to go through my allotment of bad luck a year to make up for the good luck I had? He was joking, but a small part of me thinks that is the case. In this world, there has to be balance. I hogged a LOT of the good luck for my medical miracle, so it makes sense that i would have to ‘pay’ for it somewhere down the line.
In addition, this is just life. You have to put up with bad, inconvenient, expensive shit sometimes. Intellectually, I get it, but it’s really difficult not to take it personally. Especially as it happens every few weeks over seven months. I’m so tired. Oh, that’s another thing. My sleep went to shit after my personal tragedy, and I’m trying to get it to a bettre place. Meaning, I’m still getting seve or more hours of sleep a night, but in chunks and/or at a much later time than I prefer. And it’s taking me longer to fall asleep than it has in the two years plus since my medical crisis.
I’m not in a good headspace right now. I knew that my high from coming back from the dead (twice) would fade–it had to. I knew life would continue to life–it had to.
Oh, I did not mention the other thing that is getting me right now. In part because it’s ongoing and in part because it’s not happening to me per se. It’s my father’s steep decline as his dementia progresses. He is on the final leg of his final journey, and its bringing up a lot for me.
That’s too much to get into for this post so I’ll just end it here.