Decades ago, people used to say that they were neutral like Switzerland, without irony. I used to say it myself, declaring that I was Switzerland when I did not want to take a stand. Then, we found out, truly, that Switzerland was not neutral, and, indeed, they were aiding the Germans in looting the Jewish treasures. To be grossly reductive.
So now, no one says they’re neutral like Switzerland except with a knowing wink. It’s a way of saying you’re taking sides without actually explicitly saying it. I’ve been thinking of it lately because there have been times in the RKG Discord when the subject of trans rights have come up (in relation to the Hogwarts game), and a few people have been…not transphobic, but not NOT ttransphobic, either.
One, we’ll call him C, was being a JKR apologist. Basically saying that she was misunderstood. She wasn’t REALLY transphobic. She was just friends with really transphobic women and retweeted their hateful comments, sending her millions of followers on a witch hunt! But she wasn’t transphobic herself, no, no, no.
The other one is a woman, I’ll call her N, who really confuses me. She’s very anti-sexism, and yet, she’s soft on transphobia. Which, maybe that means she’s a TERF herself. Oh dear. I hadn’t thought of that. She was defending the game devs (she’s one herself), which is fair. But then she said the trans woman in the group, the one who brought up reservations about the game, was biased because it affected her personally.
Which was such a shitty thing to say. Also, that’s the same for everyone. Of course you are going to be more passionate about something that affected you personally. That doesn’t make you biased. Well, it does, but not in the way we usually use biased. It just means you have more knowledge about the topic, which other people tend to ignore or downplay.
If I was a nasty person, I would point out to B that she was the same about sexism in general. And about veganism. She pushed them hard, which was natural, because they were big aspects of her identity. It’s always fascinating to me when people who are minorities in one way and are passionate about it, but then are dismissive of other people’s issues.
I know this is human nature. We are always going to look at things from your own point of view. That’s unavoidable. But why can’t people go, “Hm. I hate sexism. So I can understand why someone else might hate transphobia.”? Again, to be grossly reductive.
I know, I know. You have context for your own life story, so it’s easier to fill in the blanks. If you don’t know someone else or their story, it’s harder to get the context. It’s like when someone disparages people who get disability checks when they get the same checks themselves. They’re quick to explain why they deserve the checks, but everyone else doesn’t. They have earned the checks, but everyone else is lazy and just trying to scam the system.
I should not be surprised by this at this point in my life, but I am. Still. I just naively expect people who have experienced hate against them for being a minority would have compassion for other minorities, but no. This is not how the real world works.
It’s really interesting to me because while B and C have not actually said anything transphobic, my general impression of them is that they lean that way. As Captain Awkward so eloquently said in a public service announcement in one of her posts:
If your friend abuses someone, and you know it, proclaiming to the victim that you ‘don’t want to choose a side’ IS choosing sides. You are choosing the abuser’s side.
That’s how I feel about it as well. If you are not actively supporting the victim or the oppressed, then you ARE taking sides–with the abuser/oppressor. Something something good men doing nothing/evil prospering….
I get that not every issue is important to every person. My brother and I have argued in the past because his big issue is environmental conservation. Mine is abortion/repro justice. He was arguing thatt if we did not save the environment, then everything else was for naught (as to why it should be the most important issue overall). I said be that as it may, people had the right to focus on other issues. In addition, we needed people to focus on different things because if we did manage to save the world, for instance, we would still need to tackle repro justice, racism, and trans/queerphobia, plus other issues.
Here’s the thing. I f you do not stand up against isms when they are present, then I’m going to assume that you agree with them secretly. Maybe not if you once let it silde, but if every time it comes up? Yeah, I’m going to side-eye you. And if you start making excuses for the bigots, well, I can’t help but assume that you’re on their side.
Even if you are not expressing the bigoted views yourself, the fact that you are excusing it or trying to downplay it makes you an unsafe person to be around. Because it tells me that you don’t think it’s that bad. Or that it’s incidental. Neither of which is something that I want in peolpe I’m close to.
In the case of the RKG group, they’re not friends, but they are a group I spend quite a bit of time with. And there are times when I get uncomfortable with the trans…not transphobia, per se, but at least transphobia-adjacent. I’m not comfortable with it. I should not be surprised that there is some because it’s a microcasm of society in general. The people in the group are left-leaning for the most part, but they are also mostly British. England has a huge problem with transphobia and unlike the US, seem adamant about not acknowledging it. It’s hard to say that they are worse about transphobia than we are because we are passing laws right and righter to discriminate against trans people, especially the children.
However, England is showing its entire ass about the subject as well, so let’s call it a tie for now. That migtht be why the transphobes-adjacent feel more emboldened about speaking up in the Discord, though. I hope not because it’s something that would definitely make me less comfortable to be a part of the group.