There is a post today on Ask A Manager on bad ice breakers. In general, I don’t like them (though I don’t have to do them) because at best, they’re bland and boring. At worst, they’re othering and fraught. I mean, “What’s your favorite movie?” is boring for the most part, but for me, it’s fraught because I don’t watch movies any longer. The last movie I watched, I really thought I’d like it–but I hated it. The last movie I watched that I truly liked was Guardians of the Galaxy. Bookwise, I mostly don’t read popular novels because I–well, this is a requirement I have of most of the media I consume. There have to be minorities in it, and not just as tokens. This cuts out a large swath of media. It’s amazing how I can watch a trailer for something and dimiss it in the first ten seconds because it’s, as I’m fond of phrasing it, ‘white people doing white people things’.
It’s one reason I watch cozy competition shows–there are plenty of minorities in the ones I watch. It’s harder to have judges and MCs who are PoC, but there are those as well. It’s one reason I really liked the first season of Next in Fashion (let’s not talk about the second season) because almost everyone on the show was a minority in one way or the other; several were double or triple minorities. I have no interest in fashion, but I have a lot of interest in diversity.
Back to icebreakers.
In the thread, someone mentioned that they had a coworker who was in a coma for two months after she was hit by a car. The teacher in the class asked for an interesting fact about each person, and the coworker, ‘Sandra’, mentioned what happened to her. The instructor was fascinated and asked follow-up questions.
The commenter who posted this story said they asked Sandra if she made the comment on purpose, which Sandra did not seem to undrestand. The commenter suggested not bringing it up agian so as to ‘not freak out the teacher’. They went on to suggest using ‘fun fact’ rather than ‘interesting fact’ to avoid a situation like this, but I was truly puzzled.
Why was the commenter so negative towards Sandra about this as to go so far to suggest she not freak out the teacher? I mean, it’s on the teacher to just move on. If you ask for an interesting fact, then you have to deal with whatever interesting facts you may get. Also, this is an interesting fact! A really interesting one. Yes, I’m biased beacuse of my own history (which, by the way, I would not bring up as an ice breaker, but I wouldn’t consider it a faux pas exactly if I did). Also, I would call it a fun fact as well as an interesting fact about me.
That’s the problem, though. I am a freak. I know that. There is absolutely nothing ‘normal’ about me. I am Taiwanese American, agender, areligious, old, fat, and completely uninterested in most pop culture. Don’t care about the Marvel universe, the Dinsey universe, the Star Wars universe, or any other multiverse. I just don’t. I didn’t watch Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad, or any other it show. I do like the comment in the post about a comedian who said that when she’s forced to play Two Truths and A Lie, she says, “I hate, you; I hate you; I hate you” to three coworkers, then leaves. I think that’s brilliant.
Here’s the thing. The most interesting things about me are things I would not mention in polite company. Not because they are bad or even that weird, but because they just aren’t relateable. The death thing, obviously, is not something that others can really comprehend. The second is Taiji weapons. They are my life. I love them with a passion that many find unseemly. Also something taht most people can’t relate to. And, yeah, they might be interested and want to ask questions, but I’ve had enough negative reactions about it that I would not want to bring it up. From women, it’s of the ‘oh, I didn’t think you were into violence’ variety, and it’s clear that they are disapproving. No amount of me saying it’s not about violence matters, and it just makes me angry/upset/alienated.
Side note: Taiji is a healthy outlet for my aggression. As is Bagua. It allows me to let it out in a safe way. I’m not going to attack anyone or, hopefully, even have to use it in defense. Men, on the other hand, have a different, but equally uncomfortable reaction–they get a hard-on about it. Oh, they don’t say it like that, but they gush about movies with Asian women with weapons–like Kill Bill. They also say how hot it is. I have read that about women who go into the police force. They have a hard time dating men because either the men are put off by them or the men are TOO into them as women with guns.
So, yeah, that’s not something I bring up lightly, either. Then there’s playing From games, which, just no. I don’t want to talk about my family of origin, and I have no family of my own to mention. I can talk about my cat forever, which I’m more than happy to do. I can talk about, ah, the weather, but even then, I have to prevaricate. I love the cold and hate heat, which rarely goes over well with other people. Even in Minnesota.
Food? Ha no. I am allergic to so much and don’t eat normal food. I’m allergic to almost everything in general. So yeah, no talking about that shit for me. I don’t drink, either. I am not normie-friendly, and I am fine with that. But it means that I can’t talk about anything in polite company without lying my ass off. Which I’m fine with doing, but most people don’t appreciate that. But it’s either that or me making people uncomfortable because what I’m saying is out of their realm of possibility. In that case, I’ll choose the former every time.