Before I woke up in the hospital, there were dire predictions of the damage my brain and heart would sustain if I came back at all. That was the first hurdle. I was not expected to come back at all. I’m sure the doctors didn’t say that in so many words, but that’s what my brother got from the conversations. And how hard must that have been for him to digest while he was striving to do all the things. I’ve said several times that I appreciate my brother more than I can say because he held it down when I collapsed onto the ground and ended up in the hospital, unconscious.
But, it’s one thing I feel guilty about. How burdened the shoulders of my brother were while I lay unconscious in a hospital bed. He’s very good at dealing with difficult situations (well, as long as roiled emotions aren’t involved), but he’s not an automaton. His voice shook when we talked about a few of the harder details of my experience and it pains me that he had to go through that because of me. Intellectually, I knew it’s not because of me, but it still feels that way in my heart.
Speaking of my heart. Let’s talk about it. And my brain. I’ve mentioned that I had to wear a heart monitor. The results came back with no atrial fibrillations or any other irregular rhythms. In other words, my heart is solid.
Yesterday, I had an appointment with a neurologist. The nurse asked why I was there and I said because I was told to go. I got big laughs, but it was true. I assumed they wanted to check my noggin after what it went through, but I didn’t know for sure. When the neurologist came in the room, I apologized if I had met him before and didn’t remember–since that’s what happened with my heart doc. The brain doc laughed and said it was the first time he’d met me. I gave him a primer as to what had happened tome. As with almost every other medical person I’d run into, he was astounded by what I’d gone through and how well I had come out of it.
I appreciated that he talked to me in plain English. He did use a few medical terms, but then explained when I asked about them. I mean, it’s unavoidable sometimes in a medical situation to use medical terms. We mostly chatted, but the one pressing question in my mind was whether I could have prevented what happened to me. He said no, which relieved me. I was pretty sure that was the case, but he’s a doctor so what he says has more weight.