Back in my twenties, there was a big discussion in the community* about emphasizing that sexual orientation was not a choice. “After all,” they said. “Straight people don’t choose to be straight.” which, true. But. And this is where my brain gets weird. I’m bisexual, for lack of a better word. Which in theory means I DO choose who I want to date/fuck. And, I prefer sex with penetration, but relationships with people without the hardware. This was back in the day of binaries, remember. I had a more simplistic idea of things.
Anyway, I do think it’s a choice to an extent or a preference. I like people of all genders, but back in the day, I prefered sex with men. I haven’t been with someone in a decade, so I’m not sure where I would stand on the subject these days. I will say that the last person I was eying on Bumble was a woman. Bumble is sadly limited, though, gender-wise.
I have the same feeling with gender identity. I don’t have a strong affinity for any. Yes, I know I’m not a man, but other than that, I feel mostly meh about it. I can’t fully understand peolpe who are rigidly set on their gender, but I respect it. I mean, if someone says their gender is important to them, then I accept that as true. I don’t have to feel something to believe that other people feel that way.
I do wonder if there was no sexism, would I feel the same way? I think if there wasn’t abject sexism in our country, I would be fine with being a woman. Again, I don’t have much affinity for it, but I don’t have animosity, either. I just don’t…care. Much. I think I would be more comfortable with ‘woman’ if it wasn’t so laden with bullshit and impossible expectations.
Story of my life, really. I wouldn’t care so much if not for the gross implications. “A woman is what you want it to be”. Except if you don’t like ANYTHING earmarked as traditionally feminine. This is where I get stuck with people who feel a deep affinity to their gender. I don’t know how to ask without it sounding snarky, condescending, or nasty: Why do you care about your gender? I certainly would not ask someone who is trans because that would be beyond insensitivity.
I really don’t get it, though. It’s not genitalia. But then people with misaligned genitalia can feel body dysphoria. I get both those statements, but not together. And, granted, it’s usually one or the other, but it can be both. That’s what I don’t get. I don’t have to get it, I know, but I would like to when it comes to me.
I like my body. I fucking LOVE my body now. It took a licking and kept on ticking. I like my boobs and my pussy, my thigh-length hair, and all my curves. I love the soft folds of my flesh, and I love that I look the way I do.