Steve Rogers: Doctor Banner, now might be a really good time for you to get angry.
Bruce Banner: That’s my secret, Captain; I’m always angry. Hulks out and punches Leviathan in the face.
One day in taiji class, one of my classmates who is originally from India (so we share some broad cultural touchstones) was talking about needing to be more like her mother when it comes to emotions. She said, “My mother was like Minna, you know, stoic.” She added, “I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I need to work on that.” I was half-paying attention, but I had to smile when I heard that. I know I’m perceived as being buttoned down with my emotions(until I explode in anger), but it’s facade. I’m the product of two cultures that place heavy emphasis on not showing emotions, plus my family is dysfunctional about it as well. I was born and raised in Minnesota, and we are well-known for being ‘Minnesota Nice’ in that we’ll smile to your face and cut you to the core behind your back. In another taiji class, a few non-native Minnesotans were talking about how hard it is to adjust to living in Minnesota. One of them said that she had talked to several of her neighbors about a party she was having, inviting them to attend. Many of them said it sounded interesting or that they would get back to her, but either none or one actually showed up. She was bewildered by what she perceived as the rudeness of the response, and I had to be the Minnesota whisperer for her. I said, “Anything other than a yes is a no.” Minnesotans don’t like to say no to someone’s face and will come up with creative ways to avoid saying it. It’s not considered polite because heaven forbid you might hurt someone’s feelings. Those of us born here know that, “We’ll see,” “That sounds interesting,” “Let me check on that,” and any other answer in that vein is a definite no. We let our emotions out on the freeway, which is why road rage is very real here.
As to my Asian heritage, there’s a germ of truth to the stereotype of Oriental inscrutableness. Taiwanese people are very big on saving face and not doing anything to bring shame on the family, and it was a thousand-fold in my family. In addition, negative emotions such as anger and sadness were not allowed to be expressed. Scratch that. I was not allowed to show them. My father was allowed to show anger, and my mother was deeply depressed for most of my teenage years, but me? Any time I raised my voice even the littlest or expressed sadness, I was immediately chastised. However, if I didn’t say anything, then I was asked why I was making that face. I have been told by my mother more times than I can remember that I’m too sensitive and that I overreact to everything. In addition, I was made to feel as if I was responsible for my parents’ emotions. As a result, I have an iron control over my emotions–until I’m pushed beyond my limits, but I’ll get to that in a minute.